Lazy DH … finally getting to the end of my rope!

[Missuswalker]

So I’ve kinda known my other half’s penchant is for doing as little as possible, despite protestations otherwise, for a number of years, but this last week it’s really pissed me off.

I work an office job full time. We have paid for a taxi driver licence for him, and basically he can work as and when he wants for a local company, keeping 50% of all his jobs revenue (cash or card).

Last week he knew I was getting paid Thursday/Friday a significant amount of money, so basically he hasn’t worked for the last week (since Monday morning last week) and laid in bed since! Barely lifted a finger.

We don’t have any money left as he’s spent it all, and no food in the fridge and I really could do with him working today. But he’s saying his ‘head is spinning’ and he needs another day, before maybe returning tomorrow taxi driving tomorrow! Is this depression or laziness?

He knows I’m annoyed, and currently switching of trying to shower me with affection to try and get round me, or be defensive / angry that I’m questioning him ‘having a rest’! Wtf do I do?

I’d be telling him he needs to work at least 8 hours a day for 5 days a week. Lying in bed is unacceptable unless he’s very poorly.

I know you can’t simply do this too, but I’d be tempted to take a week off and take myself off somewhere nice without him.

Why are you giving him your money?

I'm usually always of the opinion that households should split everything once you are married / have children, but if he is just your partner and you don't have kids then keep your money separate!!! Maybe a joint account for bills which you both pay a set amount into but that's it.

Christ on a bike we would all like a bloody rest. I would love a rest.

He's selfish and lazy. What are his good points?

This. I’d be grossed out by some cock lodger wanting affection but doing nothing.

Sounds like a Golddigger

He sounds utterly feckless. As PP have said - what are his good points?!

You say he’s always been lazy, so not depression then. Just happy to live off you.

I guess you need to decide if you’re happy with that?

Why on earth didn’t you put your money in your own bank account, instead of a joint account? Don’t make it easy for him.

So what you are saying is that he used your extra to not work and cover his part of the bills?
I would be inclined to not tell him this is happening next time until you have it and spent it on things he also want/need but not giving him the override in how it will be spent.

Arf! So so annoying!

Na, I couldnt respect him, which would give me the ick. So I'd be gone

It would be another thunderclap moment as my fanny banged shut on him - such a turn off when someone is lazy as F but cajoling me for sex.

His mental health is his responsibility. Surely if it was his physical health stopping him from pulling his weight, you won't have felt so harsh on putting your foot down for him pulling his finger out.

I spent the last years of my engagement trying everything to make the relationship feel more equitable, nothing worked. We broke up two years ago and honestly, the relief.

I met with my ex on Friday, at a solicitor appointment, as the house is now being moved wholly into my name. He told me he had a breakdown after we split and that he'd collected various diagnoses. While I was sympathetic I was hardly surprised. I'd spent years begging him to sort it out and knackered myself out living like a skivvy in the process

I can do this because I am capable and responsible, so are you. He's likely playing on this and rendering you responsibe for his slack. It doesn't need to be like this.

If you have no children, run for the hills. Imagine him as a father, and then as an old man.... Get rid!

Without more details on situation, a bit hard to say, however, agree with many pp’s.

However, I think he’s manipulative. He had no right to use your extra money like that, unless genuine reasons, which surely he’d have spoken to you about, but this fits a pattern you’ve already seen, so I think it’s just him.

He will bleed you dry of your soul, kindness, resources, and then gaslight you.

Throw this one back!!

You have to square to the fact he is lazy and will only work if he has to. Make sure he does not know how much money you will bring in, if that is not possible then separate bank account for your wages and keep the joint account for bills , have half the amount needed for the bills transferred to the joint account at the beginning of the month. He will then need to fund the account with his half of the bills and the spare money left over that he spends will be his own.
Your DH is feckless and lazy, and has quite possibly kept the extent of his earnings from you, because much of it will be in cash- if you don't hold his feet to the fire you will be meeting all the bills.
What happens if you lose your job, or get sick?
DH needs to realise it is equally his responsibility and yours to keep the household afloat.

Even if he has MH issues OP can leave. You can leave for any reason. I might not leave if I still loved him and he was making efforts to recover but it sounds like he has killed her love for him and can't be fucked to try and improve even if he is ill.

Lazy and a whinger! What a catch! Offload him fast,before you have a child to him. If that happens, he's in your life for at least 16/18 years. A rest indeed! Plenty time for that when you retire! All the best to you .

He is showing signs of depression and/or anxiety. Many here will dismiss, but went through similar with my own DH and my bother. The 'head spinning' sounds like inability to calm thoughts. My DH started like this, then weeks in bed - we had a mental health emergency number when he felt suicidal - it just spiralled. Couldn't gather his thoughts. He is now a model husband - we got through it. It isn't about 'feeling sad' - it's often a chemical imbalance that drugs can help with.
There are numerous help services to reach out for in the first instance.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/mental-health-helplines/

Wow, that is extremely lazy. Is he even doing any of the domestics at home?

I'd find it pretty upsetting, and would actually be embarrassed for him.

Give him a deadline to get back to work and tell him you'll cut him off if he doesn't take responsibility for himself.

I am another who’s DH went through Similar before being treated for depression.
He is now medicated and we have not had any issues since

Definitely agree, deadline or out.

Get rid of him pronto
Does he have a bit of s hifden drink problem?
Sounds as though he is just using you.
A freeloader and s lazy get.

You deserve better.Hon.

,😻🌻🤞

Get an account of your own, pay bills from that & put a token bit in joint & if he doesn’t like that he is defo taking the mick!