Moving in with my boyfriend, my best friend and her baby

[Rosehipsandlavender]

Myself and my boyfriend are in our early twenties, living together in a little studio flat. We are looking to move out within the next month or so. My best friend is pregnant, due in the next couple of months. She is in a bit of a complex situation with living arrangements etc. We were thinking of renting a 2 bed flat together, as this would solve her problems and would also mean we could all live in a much nicer place for cheaper.
Has anyone got any advice or even had the same sort of set up?

Am I terrible to say - oh god that could be an absolute nightmare. I know some people would be fine with it though.

A young baby in a life/home cannot be underestimated, the disruption, sleep deprivation and amount of stuff they need is colossal.

On the other hand what a lovely thing to do for your friend and it might work out brilliantly. If you are a better person than me.

If she is insecurely housed and pregnant, she should be very high priority for social housing and a secure tenancy would be great for her.

This sounds like an absolutely appalling idea for you and your boyfriend. How is she going to pay rent? Do you as someone in your early 20s want to live with a baby? Do you realise they are up half the night? Will she have expectations of you to babysit?

That sounds like a disaster in waiting.

The council have basically told her to sort it out herself. She is on benefits as dad isn’t in the picture but they will cover the rent.

Do not do it. It will produce a strained situation in which you and bf will either be roped in as co-parents or one of you will and the other won’t leading to fissioning of the relationship. Besides how stupid is it to “rent a better place” with a needy, financially at risk, new mother and baby? How much enjoyment will you get from a larger space full if baby’s things and shrieks ?

God no, absolutely not. I didn’t want to live with my own babies sometimes. I cannot imagine the hell of living with someone else’s.

You will have completely different needs and lifestyles. You are also only young once. I would not compromise those lovely carefree days of being able to sleep late and have friends over for a get together to live with someone else’s child. You will also be roped into childcare. She will need to poo or shower or spend the day in bed sick and you will get handed the baby.

Just no, there are no positives to this. She needs to get housing sorted for them long term. She will be much more vulnerable if she doesn’t.

So the council are aware of 3 adults and baby living in a 2 bed, and that you both will paying her rent?

They aren't 3 adults and a baby in a 2 bed yet. And even if they were so what? Do you think the council should house her because she has to share a room with her baby and a flat with friends?!

Of course they will tell her that as she's not homeless and they don't have properties available for people who aren't homeless. She could wait to be legally evicted from her current accommodation and then they may accept a duty to house her but it would probably be horrible. She'd be much better off sharing a house with you. Would you and your boyfriend be better off too? Would it save you money so you can save towards a deposit or similar?

I think it's a lovely idea.

My brothers have just bought a place and all 3 brothers, their partners and a friend all living together. It's working incredibly well.

You're offering your friend an amazing thing. You're a lovely person. Ignore all the nay sayers. Mn often doesn't understand true friendship and love.

There isn't a house in the world big enough to make this a good idea.

As I’ve just said, her rent is covered

If her rent is covered then let her find her own place? (Not sure whay you mean, I assume friend will get UC which will cover her private rental?)

I cannot believe your BF has agreed to this set up? If it was put to me by my DP it wouldn't have gone me saying "Hell no".

You will start as friends and in a short space of time you will fall out.

It is bad enough when families try to do this with different ages!

Good luck in trying to find an alternative.

Where is the best friend living now?

So this is all legal and above board? and you paying her rent wont affect her benefits?

My instinct is NO.

Same planet, different worlds. Your lifestyles will eventually clash somewhere.

Stay in your flat op this is not your drama to deal with.

The council won’t get involved here. She’s not homeless in this scenario.

@Rosehipsandlavender you and boyfriend are working/not on UC? Would you each get a contract i.e. friend, then you and bf?

The Council seem to be washing their hands of housing people who are homeless and the social housing situation is pretty dire, so they're pushing private.

You'd have very different lifestyles and I don't know if you could cope with tiptoeing around a screaming baby. They often don't sleep well at first!

I think the younger generation have less choice than us older ones, so many are having to share homes, either with parents longer or teaming up to afford decent housing in decent areas.

You having a baby is hard work, not so much fun, seeing them grow.

I would say, give it a year, get the early years out of the way and then see where you are.

It’s a lovely thing to do.

Good lord mumsnet is a cold place.

I wouldn't do it. A two bed flat will very quickly become too small for three adults and a baby. You and your boyfriend will have no privacy as a couple.

You know your situation best, but it doesn’t sound great. What will happen when the baby needs its own room? Surely this can only be a very short term thing.
Also are you prepared to be kept up by a crying baby at all hours, and your living room filled with baby bits? I wouldn’t have fancied this when I was in my early 20s but we all have different lifestyles, if you think it can work for you, go for it!

I did it. Although it was me on my own and my friend, partner and baby. It worked out really well for us. I moved out when little one got to the point of needing their own room soon and I needed my own space and wanted to be closer to work. We’ve both had a baby since and we see each other regularly. So it can absolutely work out.