“High intensity” toddler, anyone else?

[AtWitsEnd21]

Ive posted before about my toddler. DS is 20m. He was a very high needs baby, reflux, colic, wind etc. He cried all day every day for almost a year solid. Wouldn’t go into a sling and was only remotely content when in my arms. It was tremendously difficult.

Flash forward to now and he is still crying a lot. He is a bright little boy with lots of language and while this has improved things, he still cries more than is typical. There are no concerns in relation to developmental issue. He has been thoroughly checked over.

Im now convinced this is just his temperament.

Would love to hear from others with a high intensity toddler, when did things get easier?

High intensity/hard work - yes I had one of those. You haven't mentioned any other behaviours so it's difficult to comment.
I had to pin every limb down to change a nappy. He could do a 3 point turn in a stroller at 4 mths. I showed him once how to ride a bike and he just did it. But he's ASD. He gets very frustrated at limitations and fights them.

Yup, DD1. She’s now a super bright, happy, but still very emotional 5yo, who needs attention pretty constantly (but is lovely with it).

I had no idea how chill some babies and toddlers were till DD2 came along.

Thanks so much for your reply. There are no other behaviours of concern. “Just” lots and lots of crying! But I definitely see frustration at limitations. It’s such hard work!

I had the opposite experience; DS1 was such a happy, joyful boy. Then along came DS2 and we don’t know what to do or how to cope with all the crying! Was there an age when you felt crying started to decrease in intensity?

Yes, this was my son. Basically extremely frustrated as a baby and then toddler. Speech came very early and he was very bright but by god could that child whinge and cry and tantrum.
It reached peak levels of stress between 3-4 then he calmed right down and just got better from there. He’s now a lovely 10 yr old.

Anyway you might be in for a bit of a slog but he’ll come out the other side

Gosh 3-4, he’s only 2. I don’t know how I’ll manage another 2 years of crying and whinging! Glad to hear you came through

My 2.5yo has an intense temperament. Not quite as tough as you describe in terms of the amount of crying but my goodness the intensity of the trantrums was insane, every time something wasn't quite what he wanted. Needs constant input. It was at its worst from around 16-18m and then again around 20m until just after 2. He learned to use his words more, understood us more and we also learned how best to tolerate it and stay calm to help him regulate. We of course still get the odd tantrum but he's no longer a child who is constantly screaming which is what it felt like during those months. We learned to make silly games out of lots of things and to limit saying no to things that really require it, gave him lots of choices up to a point etc. Not sure if all that helped or he just grew out of it a bit. Think it really helped when the weather meant he could be outside a lot and he learned to ride a balance bike and scooter

Thank you for this. Sounds very similar to our DS. Life is much easier when we get outside he is always so much better in stimulating environments. Unfortunately the weather has hoy been on our side the last couple of weeks so we have been confined a bit and it has honestly been very challenging. He would easily cry 25 times a day!

I’d say that for us, terrible 2s was roughly 1.5-2.5. Then then tantrums and crying started to decrease, but the whinging ramped up to compensate.

I feel I should say again that she’s lovely to be around (when not whinging or wanting to be right by my side…)

My oldest DS is a big tantrumer, he's 2YO and sooo emotional, everything is hard. Nappies I have to pin him down, if I say no he screams, if he wants something (rubbish off the floor) and I say no, oh my days, run for cover. And my new baby is 10 weeks, colic, reflux, suspected dairy allergy, cries pretty much all day. So I'm having a really good time at the moment, easily the best 10 weeks of my life. I'm hoping it gets better, but 2YO is making that hard to believe 😅

Could have written this myself. My son is now 6, still very high intensity, but he does have ADHD so it makes sense to me now. I remember the days of him screaming 24/7 like yesterday 😵‍💫 I couldn’t do anything when he was little, he would never go in his buggy from day 1 and just scream
his head off. I do wonder if the reflux was causing him such pain and discomfort 😭
Has your sons reflux passed?

Gosh I’m so sorry to read that. That really sounds so difficult for you! Is there anyone who can help get you a little break? I remember those early reflux days so well, it’s so hard.

That sound so hard for you! Yes reflux has definitely passed thankfully. DS is happy in the buggy and im happy to take him out but the weather has been pretty awful here for the last couple of weeks. Trying to fill the day for him has proven very difficult!

Yes. All I can say is well done, it's hard. Sounds like he's bright and you're doing the right thing giving him stimulation. Things I remember working are offering two choices.... giving them a sense of control helps calm them. So, do you want this book or this book? Let him choose his shoes etc etc. Let him make choices as much as possible, as long as its not too overwhelming for him. But it will help satisfy his enquiring mind. Also I remember hiding toys and rotating them. Sounds like you are through the worst of it! It gets better the older and more independent they get.

I know sorry OP, mine was a stubborn little goat up until 4 but then became far more amenable! Hopefully yours won’t take as long as mine but at least you know it’s coming. Honestly now I look back and it’s a distant memory and it will be for you too but at the time it felt never ending, but it will end. Hang in there for now!

Also I do think boys are harder work at this age because they’re just full of energy and defiance. I remember my niece of the same age being so easy and chill and she still is, but now so is mine

No family or childcare options unfortunately. We pay for 2YO to attend nursery for one session a week so I can try and get jobs done around the baby. Just have to power through at the moment, hopefully this is just a really hard season! X

This sounds like my ds4.5. He cries at everything!! It is so draining, I don’t think he’ll ever grow out of it. He has a younger brother 2 and it takes the tiniest thing for him to melt down and cry. He was a very chill easy baby so this came as a surprise.

All these reports of 4 year old still crying has me very concerned! I was hoping he would grow out of it soon!!

Any update

Hello, DS has just turned 2. He was quite delayed with one motor skill- pulling up to stand. Since mastering this skill he has calmed down greatly. DS is a prolific talker and has very advanced language skills for his age so I suspect he was incredibly frustrated at not being able to communicate and move freely. That being said he is still hard work, definitely cries more than your typical two year old, but as I said he is massively improved on where we were a few months ago

Thank you so so much for the update .. do you suspect adhd ?

At 2?? This is getting way too much, you can’t jump to ADHD because a 2 year old has tantrums even if they are more frequent than the norm.

Gosh no! Just a frustrated little boy at times. I really don’t like to pathologise what’s still within the normal range of behaviour for two year old.

He didn't! 😆
But now we're pretty sure he's an AuDHD teen....so...

At the time though, was intense in comparison to other people's kids. But, other people's kids were also quite boring and hard to have a conversation with until they were about 10 instead of 3 😄