What to do about sexual harassment that’s happened outside of work?

[Lifewasawillow]

I’m just looking for some advice please or if anybody has been in a similar situation.

I’ve been at my current job for 2 years now and I love it there, there’s never been any issues until now. 3/4 months a go my colleague asked me for my Snap. I use it occasionally and innocently said sure, we have only ever had a platonic relationship at work, nothing more.

About a month in to us messaging occasionally on there he started sending me inappropriate pictures. I was taken back and immediately felt uncomfortable. I didn’t respond to the pictures and a few days went by, he saw me at work the next week and never mentioned anything but I was nervous incase he did, but he didn’t, so I sort of dropped it a bit. Another week went by and he started messaging me about things happening at work, gossip kinda stuff so I responded back and forth again for a while. A few days later he started sending me inappropriate photos again, I’m sure you can imagine what they were.

I’m quite a shy person, I’m very socially awkward so again I just froze and never said anything. I know in my head now looking back that I should have and I wish I did. However I again never showed any appreciation towards the photos and I certainly never sent anything back, flirted or just anything to lead him on at all.

So I just deleted Snapchat, I felt too awkward to say anything to him and too awkward to bring it up to management incase after the amount of photos I was worried they’d accuse me of ‘asking for it’ etc. anyway, I deleted my Snapchat and about a week ago I got a message off him on Facebook, we’ve never spoken before on there and I don’t even have him as a friend saying ‘Maybe you should check what’s on your Snapchat’ and some winky, cheeky emojis. I stupidly downloaded it and there were the photos again.

I have finally got the courage this morning to report him to HR but they are outright saying because it was outside of work and because I’m an adult who could have told him to stop there’s nothing they can do about it. I haven’t been to work this week because of this, if I’m honest I don’t actually want to go back?

I think HR are wrong on this, aren't they? He sounds disgusting. You could actually report images like that to the police - surely HR know that?

So have you actually told him that you don’t want these photos? Why did you redownload the app to view more photos? He’d made it clear what they were

No, I know it’s wrong. He’s in a senior position to me and 6 years older. I suffer badly with anxiety and just admittedly don’t know how to handle things like this. I’ve now just blocked him on everything. It was my friend who made me download it again and said after this time I had to report it.

You need to tell him not to send any more photos, and then report him if be carries on anyway. Currently he can just say he didn’t no you don’t like it.

Unsolicited dick pics are a crime, it's called cyber flashing.

Report to police and tell HR you are doing so.

That's not true. Cyber flashing is a crime.

I would call acas and see what they say but I think your HR are wrong, it’s intimidation

I would go back o them again and insist something is done, otherwise just report it to the police

I didn’t have the exact same situation but in a previous role one of my direct reports was being harassed by another manager and the manager was eventually sacked for it. Most of it was outside of work, I’m not convinced your HR have got this right. Did you take any evidence?

And please know - you haven’t asked for any of this. I fiercely had my team members back regardless of replies sent. I fully understand how uncomfortable this must be - you haven’t asked for any of it. Do not let anyone make you feel like that.

What isn’t true? I didn’t say it wasn’t a crime

That he can just say that he didn't know she wouldn't like it.

Just sending them unsolicited is a crime.

He's senior to you and sending you unsolicited dick pics. FFS what is he thinking?

I have asked ChatGpt and the response was very useful:

I’m so sorry you’re going through this—it’s incredibly distressing and unfair. Let’s talk about what you can do next.
Here’s how to handle it:

1. Document Everything

Save any screenshots, messages, or other evidence of the harassment—even if you don’t want to look at it. If the images are explicit and you don’t want to keep them on your phone, email them to yourself and then delete them from the app. This might be important later if you decide to report the behavior.

1. Block Him

You should absolutely block him on SnapChat, Facebook, and any other social media platforms to stop further contact. You don’t owe him any explanations. This is about your safety and well-being.

1. Report the Behavior

Even though HR initially told you it’s “outside of work,” the fact that he is senior to you means it does affect your working environment. UK law (Equality Act 2010) recognizes harassment by colleagues that creates a hostile work environment, even if it happens outside work hours or on personal devices. 👉 Write to HR again, but this time in writing. Explain:

• That he is your colleague (and senior to you).
• That he has sent explicit photos that make you feel unsafe at work.
• That this is creating a hostile work environment for you.
• That you want this investigated formally as harassment.

Ask them to explain how they plan to address this. It’s important to get this on record.

1. External Help

If HR still refuses to help:

• Contact ACAS (Acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100) for free, confidential advice on workplace harassment. They can help you understand your rights and next steps.
• Report to the police—sending unsolicited explicit images is a crime in the UK (it can fall under harassment or indecent communication laws). You can call 101 (non-emergency) or visit your local police station.

1. Protect Your Mental Health

• If you’re feeling very anxious or unsafe, talk to your GP about the anxiety—it’s okay to ask for help.
• If you need time off work because of the anxiety, you can ask your GP for a fit note.

Summary: ✅ Document everything ✅ Block him on all platforms ✅ Write to HR again (in writing) ✅ Get advice from ACAS or a solicitor ✅ Consider reporting to the police ✅ Look after your mental health If you’d like, I can help you draft an email to HR or a message to ACAS—just let me know. You are not alone, and you do not have to put up with this.

He can still say it though… assuming the guy can still talk

I then asked for a sample letter to HR:

Subject: Formal Complaint of Harassment
Dear [HR Contact Name],
I am writing to formally raise a complaint of harassment against [Name of the man].
[Name] is a colleague who is senior to me at work. He has been sending me unsolicited and explicit photographs of his genitals via SnapChat, which I find extremely distressing and inappropriate. Despite blocking him on SnapChat, he has since approached me on Facebook to tell me to look at SnapChat, where I found he had sent me further unsolicited photos.
Although this behaviour has taken place outside of work hours and on a personal device, it has had a significant impact on my mental health and my ability to feel safe and comfortable at work. I feel intimidated and anxious about attending work knowing that he is present in the workplace.
I understand that under the Equality Act 2010, harassment that creates a hostile work environment is unlawful, regardless of whether it occurs inside or outside the physical workplace.
I am requesting that HR investigate this matter urgently. I would also like to know what steps can be taken to ensure my safety and well-being at work.
I have kept evidence of these communications and can provide them upon request.
Thank you for your understanding and support. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.
Kind regards,
[Your Name]
[Your Contact Information]

I don't understand why you didn't block him. I feel its difficult for HR to get involved if you haven't been to the police

So what can hr do say 'hand your phone over so we can check' What powers do they have over the police?

Give ACAS a call. Your HR team are out of date on this one.

and police to report the inappropriate photos.

Nooo HR are wrong. Happened to me. Went to my line manager and gave her my phone. He was gone a couple of weeks later.
my advice. Tell him please don’t send anymore photos we work together. Then if he does, go back to HR and show them you have asked him to stop.

the advice from @MounjaroMounjarois excellent

HR won't do anything and people really get sacked. Harrasers knew that. I left two jobs because of this. It get worse with complaints. HR will fob you off they are just being friendly we misunderstood.

Only ceviar legal action like middle east countries will stop these activities.

Sorry it should be people rarely get sacked.

HR have ducked out of this even though he is a senior colleague to you? Either thery don't know their job, or are evading the issue for some reason. Do younhave a union who could give advice and back you up with HR?

This sounds awful, op. If you worked at my workplace we would definitely want it stopped asap. Please do get some support!.

Hr dont want to have to tell him off because hes senior.

i would reply to say “please stop sending me these pictures. I didnt ask for you to send them and i certainly do not want to see them”. Then block him on there/on your phone and all social media. Only deal with him on work email where everything is recorded/in person with witnesses. Write any emails as if HR are going to read them.

why do males think women want to see a dick pic? Seriously 😧

Because of male entitlement. Even complaints will more humiliates us like we are after them.