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Original poster

What to do about sexual harassment that’s happened outside of work?

37 replies

Lifewasawillow · 06/06/2025 12:41

I’m just looking for some advice please or if anybody has been in a similar situation.

I’ve been at my current job for 2 years now and I love it there, there’s never been any issues until now. 3/4 months a go my colleague asked me for my Snap. I use it occasionally and innocently said sure, we have only ever had a platonic relationship at work, nothing more.

About a month in to us messaging occasionally on there he started sending me inappropriate pictures. I was taken back and immediately felt uncomfortable. I didn’t respond to the pictures and a few days went by, he saw me at work the next week and never mentioned anything but I was nervous incase he did, but he didn’t, so I sort of dropped it a bit. Another week went by and he started messaging me about things happening at work, gossip kinda stuff so I responded back and forth again for a while. A few days later he started sending me inappropriate photos again, I’m sure you can imagine what they were.

I’m quite a shy person, I’m very socially awkward so again I just froze and never said anything. I know in my head now looking back that I should have and I wish I did. However I again never showed any appreciation towards the photos and I certainly never sent anything back, flirted or just anything to lead him on at all.

So I just deleted Snapchat, I felt too awkward to say anything to him and too awkward to bring it up to management incase after the amount of photos I was worried they’d accuse me of ‘asking for it’ etc. anyway, I deleted my Snapchat and about a week ago I got a message off him on Facebook, we’ve never spoken before on there and I don’t even have him as a friend saying ‘Maybe you should check what’s on your Snapchat’ and some winky, cheeky emojis. I stupidly downloaded it and there were the photos again.

I have finally got the courage this morning to report him to HR but they are outright saying because it was outside of work and because I’m an adult who could have told him to stop there’s nothing they can do about it. I haven’t been to work this week because of this, if I’m honest I don’t actually want to go back?

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 06/06/2025 14:58

I work in HR

tour HR team are wrong, you don’t have to have objected. This is clear cut sexual harassment. Screen shot everything and Escalate to the most senior HR person there is (who needs to fire their incompetent team)

document your original conversation with HR - who, when, what did they say

its a clear abuse of power for an older senior man to send dick pics to a woman who works for him. There’s nothing complex about this.

Original poster
Lifewasawillow · 09/06/2025 15:55

Hi everyone. I made an official complaint in writing today about the colleague and the member of staff who told me nothing can be done. I used ChatGPT to help come up with a complaint email and I’ve sent it this morning so now we wait and see. I’m terrified waiting for a response. I really do fear they won’t do anything about it and I’ll have to leave a job I love.

OP posts:
Anontocomment · 09/06/2025 16:01

Check your staff handbook - ours has a section on ‘bringing the coy. into disrepute by misuse of personal soc media’ and this would fall under it.

It is also illegal as it’s transmitting images of a sexual nature. So do report to the police.

Also - if he’s used a work phone or other work device he will fall foul of employment law.

It is harassment pure and simple; he’s in a senior position and it’s made you nervous to go to work so HR would appear to be wrong. As others have said,ACAS have good information on this, the UK government’s website has good information on employment law too.

Sending you a hug as you definitely need one x

WonderfulUsername · 09/06/2025 16:05

I would've blocked his arse after the very first pic.

But since you didn't, is there any evidence the pics were unwelcome?

If so, make it clear to HR using that evidence.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 09/06/2025 16:12

Well done @Lifewasawillow and might I suggest that if HR reject your complaint you tell them in that case you have no alternative but to report the matter to the police instead.

IdaGlossop · 09/06/2025 16:27

Lifewasawillow · 09/06/2025 15:55

Hi everyone. I made an official complaint in writing today about the colleague and the member of staff who told me nothing can be done. I used ChatGPT to help come up with a complaint email and I’ve sent it this morning so now we wait and see. I’m terrified waiting for a response. I really do fear they won’t do anything about it and I’ll have to leave a job I love.

What an awful situation to have to deal with. Please don't give up a job you love because of this t*sser. I was persuaded by a friend to go to HR when a male colleague senior to me interrupted me mid-presentation to suggest I was sleeping with a colleague, whom he named. The first HR person I spoke to said there was nothing HR could do but she would tell a another member of the team. The second HR person gave me brilliant advice and support. HR people screw up. I'm sure that has happened to you. Try not to be terrified of HR's response. Right is on your side.

Edited for typo

Wetcappuccino · 09/06/2025 16:44

MounjaroMounjaro · 06/06/2025 12:58

He's senior to you and sending you unsolicited dick pics. FFS what is he thinking?

I have asked ChatGpt and the response was very useful:

I’m so sorry you’re going through this—it’s incredibly distressing and unfair. Let’s talk about what you can do next.
Here’s how to handle it:

  1. Document Everything
Save any screenshots, messages, or other evidence of the harassment—even if you don’t want to look at it. If the images are explicit and you don’t want to keep them on your phone, email them to yourself and then delete them from the app. This might be important later if you decide to report the behavior.
  1. Block Him
You should absolutely block him on SnapChat, Facebook, and any other social media platforms to stop further contact. You don’t owe him any explanations. This is about your safety and well-being.
  1. Report the Behavior
Even though HR initially told you it’s “outside of work,” the fact that he is senior to you means it does affect your working environment. UK law (Equality Act 2010) recognizes harassment by colleagues that creates a hostile work environment, even if it happens outside work hours or on personal devices. 👉 Write to HR again, but this time in writing. Explain:
  • That he is your colleague (and senior to you).
  • That he has sent explicit photos that make you feel unsafe at work.
  • That this is creating a hostile work environment for you.
  • That you want this investigated formally as harassment.
Ask them to explain how they plan to address this. It’s important to get this on record.
  1. External Help
If HR still refuses to help:
  • Contact ACAS (Acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100) for free, confidential advice on workplace harassment. They can help you understand your rights and next steps.
  • Report to the police—sending unsolicited explicit images is a crime in the UK (it can fall under harassment or indecent communication laws). You can call 101 (non-emergency) or visit your local police station.
  1. Protect Your Mental Health
  • If you’re feeling very anxious or unsafe, talk to your GP about the anxiety—it’s okay to ask for help.
  • If you need time off work because of the anxiety, you can ask your GP for a fit note.
Summary: ✅ Document everything ✅ Block him on all platforms ✅ Write to HR again (in writing) ✅ Get advice from ACAS or a solicitor ✅ Consider reporting to the police ✅ Look after your mental health If you’d like, I can help you draft an email to HR or a message to ACAS—just let me know. You are not alone, and you do not have to put up with this.

Great advice. Just to add - changes to the Equality Act last year expressly cover this. Please don’t let this slide. Your HR team are 100% wrong.

Wetcappuccino · 09/06/2025 16:46

WonderfulUsername · 09/06/2025 16:05

I would've blocked his arse after the very first pic.

But since you didn't, is there any evidence the pics were unwelcome?

If so, make it clear to HR using that evidence.

They were unsolicited and he is in a position of seniority at her place of work. She is not required to prove they were “unwelcome”.

WonderfulUsername · 09/06/2025 17:34

Wetcappuccino · 09/06/2025 16:46

They were unsolicited and he is in a position of seniority at her place of work. She is not required to prove they were “unwelcome”.

Show quote history

She may need to prove they were unsolicited though.

And as she didn't block after the very first one, it may be more difficult to prove.

She'd be better off going to the police really if she can access the pics that is.

Original poster
Lifewasawillow · 10/06/2025 12:47

So pleased to say the lady I emailed yesterday with my formal complaint is taking it seriously. She also recognises that I don’t want to meet in my place of work due to the nature of the complaint so we’re meeting somewhere else neutral. My meeting is next week so I will make sure I update you all again then. Hopefully this is progress.

OP posts:
Redcliffe1 · 10/06/2025 12:52

I'm so glad to read that this is being taken seriously.

MounjaroMounjaro · 10/06/2025 13:29

BethDuttonYeHaw · 06/06/2025 13:11

the advice from @MounjaroMounjarois excellent

It was actually from ChapGPT! I know AI is problematic at times but here I think they gave good advice.

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