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Original poster

KIT days, agreed to them but can’t bear to leave baby

28 replies

agherkinislurking · 05/06/2025 20:39

My manager has asked if I would like to do some KIT days. Pre-maternity leave, I expressed a really keen interest in doing some and we (manager and I) always said we would arrange between us closer the time. At the time, I naively thought I would be ready to do them from about now. My baby is 7 months old and I am still nowhere near ready to be apart for a whole day. The logistics would not work either as I am EBF and baby hasn’t taken to weaning much yet. I see other 7 month olds eating loads whereas for us, nothing substantial is getting eaten.

I would be doing them from August onwards after SMP stops. Since this is only eight weeks away I need to pencil them in and be reliable about it. The money would be nice and make things easier, but as I say right now I cannot imagine being apart for more than a couple of hours and don’t know whether this is going to change in two months.

I actually return to work 2 days a week from October and that feels hard enough but I have some confidence that at almost 12 months, reliance on BF will be less and the solids journey will be more underway.

Should I book them and suck it up / express and get over the separation, or is it not worth it? I’ve literally only pumped once and that was in the first couple weeks PP. I wouldn’t know where to begin. I don’t even want to introduce a bottle at this stage. Like I say though, the money would be ideal. Do you think I’ll feel any differently in two months vs now? Everyone said it would get easier to be apart from my baby in time but that’s not my experience yet because baby still seems tiny. Husband has offered to work more overtime instead to replace the money I would’ve earned by doing them but that doesn’t feel fair to me

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 05/06/2025 20:41

Just say that kit days won’t be possible and don’t bother. Not worth the stress. You can get up to speed first fortnight back.

YetAnotherNewNameAgain · 05/06/2025 20:42

Don’t do them.

Mulledjuice · 05/06/2025 20:43

KIT doesn't have to be a full day though- you could go in for a coffee for an hour it would count as KIT

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Mulledjuice · 05/06/2025 20:44

Oh - and 12 months feels Massively Different from 7 months

Original poster
agherkinislurking · 05/06/2025 20:44

Mulledjuice · 05/06/2025 20:43

KIT doesn't have to be a full day though- you could go in for a coffee for an hour it would count as KIT

Oh really? I didn’t know this.

OP posts:
Original poster
agherkinislurking · 05/06/2025 20:45

Mulledjuice · 05/06/2025 20:44

Oh - and 12 months feels Massively Different from 7 months

That’s really good to hear thank you. 9 months is the age she’d be at my KIT days but closer to 1 when I return to work

OP posts:
BangSqueak · 05/06/2025 20:47

Can you take the baby with you? I did that. Though in the end I didn't ever go back to work. He did come for KIT days though.

MrsMcnulty20 · 05/06/2025 20:47

I haven’t done any KIT days as basically decided that I actually didn’t want to keep in touch! I’m also EBF and felt the same. If you can manage without doing them financially, then I’d leave it. You could always do a couple in the weeks/fortnight before you start back, so you’re effectively working one day a week and then building to two.

it will get easier to leave them once they’re eating more - and I found with both of mine that they’ll quite happily eat when I’m not there, they just prefer boob if I am!

BertSymptom · 05/06/2025 20:47

Do they have to be full days at this point? And do they have to be in person? I wanted to do a few KIT days for the extra money as I was on stat mat pay so I went to an afternoon event when DC was around 7/8 months and a few online bits from home that counted as KIT days. I didn’t do longer days until she was much older.

Do you have anyone that could accompany you and have your baby nearby? Someone at my work came into the city with her parents and baby and popped in for a bit during a team building day whilst they had the baby. I did similar with DH and DD.

If none of those are options and you’re not ready they aren’t compulsory so I wouldn’t bother.

SnowSnow · 05/06/2025 20:48

I would say don’t do the KIT days. Just say apologies but due to breastfeeding you won’t be able to do the days. I’m sure they will be completely understanding.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 05/06/2025 20:54

You don’t need to do them if you’re not comfortable. Or delay them until nearer your return? As other have said keeping in touch isn’t actual work…it can be popping in to say hello, joining an online meeting or meeting your colleague in another location. It’s supposed to help you feel included and involved still. If it’s causing you worry then wait a bit longer. I’m not sure what your job is - sorry if I’ve missed it - but could the KIT be reading recent team meeting minutes or catching up on e-learning from home?? Depends on the role and how flexible your LM is.

Emma543 · 05/06/2025 20:57

I did KIT days purely as I needed the money. First one was the worst and I burst into tears when I got there 😂nobody really expects anything of you it’s quite a chilled out day. I found the first was the worst and then it got much easier, really helped me with the back to work anxiety.

user101101 · 05/06/2025 20:59

I didn’t do them, just unnecessary

blackandgold88 · 05/06/2025 20:59

I also took baby with me for the first KIT day as I had no one to look after him. As a PP said above, I had a coffee and a chat with colleagues and attempted to log back onto the systems and didn’t really do much else!

Corncobbler · 05/06/2025 21:00

I wouldn’t do them either, to be honest. My third is currently a newborn but I didn’t do any with my older children, for several reasons to do with breastfeeding and not wanting to leave my babies. The nature of my job means that I doubt I’d get paid for anything less than a full day’s work!

Also, I’ve never really understood how KIT days work for people who would need to use paid childcare in order to do the KIT day? As I understand it, KIT days can’t be taken during the accrued annual leave that can be added on to maternity leave. If this is true, I’d have to have baby start nursery 6 weeks earlier than really necessary in order to be able to attend a KIT day, when I still had all my annual leave to take? Not that financially useful if you factor that in. Perhaps I am wrong about this timing issue though!

Patricia1704 · 05/06/2025 21:02

If you don’t need the money and don’t want to, leave it. But if you need the money enough that husband has to do overtime, I think you should suck it up as you may be being a bit precious.

ButterBites · 05/06/2025 21:03

What are you expected to do for them?

For my work, even just an hour online or in the office was enough for me to get paid, so it was much easier to leave my EBF baby. But if it’s a whole day, then suggest you wait until you’re almost back at work as a way to get used to being away from baby.

ButterBites · 05/06/2025 21:04

Corncobbler · 05/06/2025 21:00

I wouldn’t do them either, to be honest. My third is currently a newborn but I didn’t do any with my older children, for several reasons to do with breastfeeding and not wanting to leave my babies. The nature of my job means that I doubt I’d get paid for anything less than a full day’s work!

Also, I’ve never really understood how KIT days work for people who would need to use paid childcare in order to do the KIT day? As I understand it, KIT days can’t be taken during the accrued annual leave that can be added on to maternity leave. If this is true, I’d have to have baby start nursery 6 weeks earlier than really necessary in order to be able to attend a KIT day, when I still had all my annual leave to take? Not that financially useful if you factor that in. Perhaps I am wrong about this timing issue though!

I think it depends on your work tbh. I did a couple of KIT days during my two months of annual leave after my mat leave and those days were added to my annual leave after I returned.

MrsMcnulty20 · 05/06/2025 21:05

Corncobbler · 05/06/2025 21:00

I wouldn’t do them either, to be honest. My third is currently a newborn but I didn’t do any with my older children, for several reasons to do with breastfeeding and not wanting to leave my babies. The nature of my job means that I doubt I’d get paid for anything less than a full day’s work!

Also, I’ve never really understood how KIT days work for people who would need to use paid childcare in order to do the KIT day? As I understand it, KIT days can’t be taken during the accrued annual leave that can be added on to maternity leave. If this is true, I’d have to have baby start nursery 6 weeks earlier than really necessary in order to be able to attend a KIT day, when I still had all my annual leave to take? Not that financially useful if you factor that in. Perhaps I am wrong about this timing issue though!

I’m not taking KIT days but just working some days in my accrued holiday time, so it’s not technically a KIT day it’s just a working day, if that makes sense. But same idea

FancyCatSlave · 05/06/2025 21:06

I didn’t bother, I was nowhere near ready, EBF the same as you.

I went back 4 days when she was 13.5 months though (took all my accrued leave after mat leave) and found that surprisingly fine even though I’d not left her at all prior to that. She was an entirely different prospect at that age compared to 9 months.

And you don’t want to add bottles in now quite rightly, but you could try cup feeding if you wanted (I couldn’t express so didn’t bother). It’s much easier once they are on cows!

I did keep BF until 26 months but it was far less after 12 months.

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 05/06/2025 21:07

@agherkinislurking as others have said they’re not compulsory at all so if you’re not feeling up to it then take the stress off your plate and just don’t bother especially if financially it won’t be an issue.

I personally noticed quite a difference between 7-9 months with my dc but she absolutely loved food and really cut down breastfeeds once she was on 3 meals a day.

Another option is to see how expressing/ formula goes over the next 8 weeks. Your dc might take well to the bottle - if you have a pump you’d probably only need enough for 1-2 bottles and you might find that getting used to being away from your baby even for a few hours at 9 months helps the anxiety of leaving them when they’re a year. It might make no difference at all bht at least you will know you have done it before. I know every work place is different but certainly with mine you got paid for a full day even if you’d done an hour of e-learning / mandatory training or something online - I also did take my baby in for one of them. I actually did enjoy the social aspect of going in to work without my dc too. You might surprise yourself by how much you actually enjoy it

good luck

Answeringaquestiontonight · 05/06/2025 21:08

Who would be looking after the baby? Is it possible for them to bring baby into you when needed for feeds? That’s what I did.

Midlifecrisis23 · 05/06/2025 21:08

I did 3 hour Kit days and put my LO in nursery for half mornings for 8 weeks leading up to me going back. It was good as they got a lot of germs out the way, it wasn’t full days and felt manageable.

KIT days don’t have to be full days and if your manager questions it’s state your childcare can only be available for these 3 hours.

Geranium1984 · 05/06/2025 21:11

At my workplace KIT days are just a catch up with colleagues in the office for an hour or two and often people bring the baby in. One of my Mat leaves was over covid so I just joined the odd team meeting online and it was counted as KIT! I think it depends on your workplace and who your manager is though. My boss has two small children so I think he had a lot of sympathy!

Sailawaygirl · 05/06/2025 21:13

At 7 months I thought it would be impossible too and I ebf. At 9 months so much had changed. I did 1/2 kit days at 9 months. Boobs were gaint after 😂 but I went OK! By 1 year DS was needing big milk before nursery and as soon as inpicked him up but he managed amd is happy at nursery.

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