Can you ever out arsehole and arsehole and beat them down

[LetMeAtom]

you knew the type the family relation that like to make little mean comments, compare you, try to provoke you etc

ive ignored for years, to no avail
I’ve tried to challenge, all you get is you’re too sensitive and you know what I mean

so now I’m thinking I’ll just be a right arsehole

so question is if you want to be an arsehole to someone how would you do it ?

I'd be giving this person a swerve, life is too short to put with this nonsense.
If unavoidable I'd be telling them they're boring and I've heard it all before.

It’s someone I’ve got in as low contact as humanly possible
but can’t cut off completely

Kill them with kindness and always retain the moral high ground.

One thing that does annoy the hellnof of them is when your happy

You absolutely can, and you don’t even need to stoop to their level of arseholery to do it.

Ve very nonchalant when the mean little comments are made and say something like:

“How odd that you’d think it’s normal to say something like that out loud”

Usually makes the arsehole feel very uncomfortable, awkward and flustered.

Out-arsehole the arsehole without actually being an arsehole yourself.

I know that’s the sensible thing to do
but I really wanna give the me
a taste of their own medicine
like let’s play along for fun

how can we Patronise this nasty git

I'd approach it in two ways, I'd be polite and avoid them as much as possible. If cornered I'd ask them what they mean.

How odd that you’d think it’s normal to say something like that out loud”

would be met with you fgs your so over sensitive
and you know what I mean

I like that.

Or, you could go full Regina George "Why are you so obsessed with me?"

If I run into a mean girl I pretend not to understand any insults, smile and get very boasty - exaggerate how wonderful life is etc… Smile and laugh a lot, make it all so breezy, water off a ducks back. Do a half chuckle and change the conversation if they insult you or just pretend not to hear or understand that it’s supposed to be an insult. It’s especially good to pretend you think they’re being nice as then they’ve to spell out the mean stuff and look extra horrible to everyone. Again light eyeroll, half laugh and conversation change if they do say mean shit - like it barely registers and frankly is a bit pathetic. Saying “well anyway” with a tone that suggests you think they’re boring you and then change topic!

If they are insecure about anything at all pretend not to know and talk about someone else who has that issue (made up anonymous people are fine) - God wouldn’t you hate to have that issue. If they are a boasty AH “I am richer, more accomplished than you etc” talk about people who are so much richer, accomplished, better looking etc than them. If they say they understand because they are also so wonderfully accomplished you reply with “oh no, I mean these people are properly rich rich, successful , good looking” whatever it is. Whatever they boast about you know someone who has done better and really aren’t that impressed by them! You gotta fight mean with mean!

Then you say, “Wow. You’re doubling down.” And turn away.

Another approach is to ask them to repeat themselves. Make it clear you heard what they said, but didn’t quite believe it. Something like, “Would you like to say that again?” It works on thoughtless comments, and gives you time to think up a smart answer to shitty ones.

A simple, “Ouch,” and then turning away can cut dickheads dead.

The one I’ve really enjoyed doing though, is to ask them to explain what they just said. Total deadpan is needed for this one. Keep asking for further explanations, until they just run out of steam or get so embarrassed that they huff off.

The best way, though, is to cut the fucker off entirely. All the above gets exhausting after a while, and the sky doesn’t fall in when you actually take the step and excise the human tumour.

Ohh excellent advice thanks
but if I used the reply doubling down, I’d get someone sort of comment reply back to that
like What do you mean
i know it’s pure darvo
the response of ohh you know what i mean as it’s said in the way of
in in the wrong for asking someone not to be rude to me
thats the hardest thing to reply to
oh you know what I mean !!!

this person is such a narc !!

Genius!! what about if this ah always tries to compare me to others or even worse my kids with others kids

What do the other people around you think?

Can you find strength in numbers? Like if you say "What a strange thing to say out loud" and he/she goes "FGS you are SO sensitive" then you've got a couple of people around you who take on the challenge and say "Well, I don't think she is being sensitive, it is quite a strange thing to tell people that you're thinking that" and so on.

Or you can take them seriously and ask them why they think that.

They won't have a logical answer.

Best done in front of people.

What I've found very effective and satisfying, is when they start, to say, 'oh, we've reached that part of the evening have we (it's usually alcohol induced with this person). Rightyho.' I don't say anymore, I just stay far away from them, focus on other people, and refuse to acknowledge them and their shenanigans.

That's when I can't ignore their existence entirely, which I can generally do for twenty years at a pop.

Can't stand their drama queen, bullying ways. And the way allowances are always made for them, because their role is to be the absolute fucking mess of the family.

Thank you, that was very cathartic.

To which you say, quite civilly, either ‘No, I have no idea what you mean. Feel free to explain’ or ‘Let’s leave me and my feelings out of this, and talk about you. Why do you think this is an acceptable thing to say out loud?’

ETA: you don’t need to start a fight, just train them to realise that they’re are consequences for certain behaviours, the way you’d train a young pet. Put the critical attention back on them, implicitly inviting anyone else present to share it.

Or just gather up the children and leave every time this kind of comment is made. ‘Hey ho, Granny (or whoever) is misbehaving again.’ Punish by withdrawing your presence.

Most surrounding people just don’t want to come into the firing line if this AH
so they don’t to say anything

Why they think what ? That’s I’m over sensitive ?

That is so clever
this AH isn’t really drink induced
so thinking how I can tweet that ….

oh right it’s that time is it …..

oh we’ve reached that part of the day have we ……

I will say to you what was said to me and I hated this advise but now I’m out the other side it is the best advice

you are addicted to the nastiness, the negging , you are not in a place of indifference and that takes time .
you need to cut contact to the absolute lowest possible
when in their presence engage in the least amount interaction
when they say something negative pretend you haven’t heard , ignore or brush off as unimportant

do not engage , do not stoop to their level this is not a game you can win , it will only encourage them

best revenge is life well lived
Michelle Obama said ” when they go low , you go high”

don’t be a dick

I’d do agree this is the best most sensible advice, but I’ve been doing this for years
and tbh I want to be a bit of a bitch back !

And I know that won’t win
and I won’t do it forever
I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing keeping contact v v low
avoiding as much as possible

You seem to be engaging with this person on line , is this correct ?

if so it’s really easy to cut this bollocks out of your life surely ?

I think I would just give them a hard stare, with an impassive look on my face, and not break eye contact. Then a little smile of pity and walk away.