have you been slim shamed? or what would you call it

[EleanorReally]

my dd, in her twenties, sounds like she was slim shamed, in a sewing club,
they had to find their measurements and the tutor was saying anyone smaller than this is like a child

how rude
it has put her off going

I’ve been slim shamed my whole life. I’m a size 6 and used to get people asking me if I even eat. I’m not underweight, just petite but some people hate you for it.

Now everyone and their dog is on weight loss jabs trying to be skinny!

it's rubbish isnt it @babystarsandmoon
and less talked about I imagine than fat shaming?

My son’s ex GF is very tall and model skinny. She can fit in to her six year old sister’s tops, so a comment like that would be factually correct.
I think the difference between skinny shaming and fat shaming is that the former is either a compliment or from jealousy (the same comment can mean both), whereas the latter is always negative, and as a slimmer physique is more desirable in our culture pointing out that someone has one might be considered, from the speaker’s POV, a compliment.
It depends on the words and context. In your example, I don’t think it was malicious. If your DD was a size 20 and the woman had said ‘any bigger and you’ll need a custom pattern’ may also be factually correct and not malicious. If either said with a snigger and a stream of ‘what DO you eat’ (latter) or ‘DO you even eat’ (former) then that’s crossing the line.

i dont think dd found it complimentary being compared to a child

but perhaps the tutor didnt mean it maliciously as you say

Yes a lot throughout my whole life. For some reason if you complain then you are told you’re being over sensitive and ‘it was meant to be a compliment’

My daughter is size 4 and if I was making clothes for her I would have to use child patterns (about age 12).
that’s probably what she meant.

Omg, I was slim shamed last night. I was asked by a random woman if I ever eat, as I was too skinny. Can you imagine if I'd approached a random person and said they were too fat? By the way, I'm 5ft 5 and weigh 9 stone so I am normal, in my opinion.

I have lost a lot of weight recently. So I have gone from being fat shamed to being thin shamed. No one is ever happy with how u are. But quite frankly I don’t care what they think of me. I have no thoughts about other peoples body’s and find it weird that others are invested in it. It’s weird.

Yes, I think the worst was at work where a group of colleagues told me I was like a matchstick with the wood scraped off. Then they started on my looks.

I've been slim-shamed and fat-shamed and slim-shamed is better. Rude is always bad, but don't kid yourself there's any kind of equivalence.

Yes, when I was younger. DD is a size 6 and routinely shamed now. " eat a burger" etc etc

Someone being told it’s a compliment is a lie, it doesn’t look healthy to be really skinny or fat. No-ones appearance should be commented on at all, it’s cruel to say it to the person.

Yes, im 5'11 and pretty gangly, I have had so many comments over the years, they used to upset me but now I let it wash over me. Now i realise clothes look great on me and I eat a balanced diet and am generally pretty active so what my body looks like is secondary the amazing things it can do! It is sad its accepted though under the guise of well skinny is praised by society, as if that makes nasty comments meant to make you feel shit about yourself any better.

Commenting on someone's size is always a bad idea.
I guess the skinner shamers probably think it's a compliment. The fat shamers are just being nasty. Both are wrong but one is ignorant and one is malicious.

People generally feel its more acceptable to comment to their face if someone is skinny. Although people still do it to overweight people its generally rightfully seen as wrong to do so. I was tormented because of my body at school, honestly it didn't cross my mind to shake it off because on a wider societal level its seen as more desirable to be slim than fat; and every single comment was off of other girls and later women. I hate this downplaying of it, i genuinely was driven to feeling suicidal and used to self harm because I was made to feel like.

No they don't, its malicious and spiteful to tell someone to eat a burger, to say only dogs love bones, youre not a real woman if you don't have curves etc. In what way are any of those a compliment?

Yes, I have experienced this throughout life.
It's rude and pathetic. However I assume it happens because people are so weight obsessed that they can't conceive of the idea that comments on thinness could not be welcome.

I used to be extremely thin and I've had so many comments over the years. Do you eat, are you on drugs, you look like starving orphan, did your parents not feed you, etc etc... People have poked and prodded me to feel my ribs, lifted my arms without permission to see how skinny they are, tried to lift ME to prove how little I weigh...

Awful. I would never ever comment on someone's size, big or small. It’s so rude and unnecessary, and it always made me feel like shit. I've put weight on since the DC and rarely get comments now, but fucking hell. People are idiots.

Yes my whole life. The most recent one was a bit of a backhanded one. It was a school mum, first time I'd ever spoken to her and she was talking about another mum and she said "she's disgustingly skinny"..... Im the same size as the woman she was talking about.

Yes I've had this all my adult life. I have a metabolic disorder and cannot put weight on.

The worst was the female obstetrician who called me a "skinny minnie" and told me she was concerned I wouldn't be able to get the large baby out so I'd have to book in for a CS and I had to explain to a qualified doctor that, as an archaeologist, I'd always thought it was pelvis size (and ability for pelvic bones to flex due to softening of tissues during pregnancy) not fat distribution that enabled women to birth babies throughout history.

People have eyes. They can see your size. No one needs to point anything out or state the bloody obvious whatever size they or you are.

'Real women have curves' fuck off media. 'Oh you look so skinny' says the fat woman, yes probably out of jealousy but it's still served with a hint of there's something wrong with you/that's unnatural. Etc. etc.
Grow up with all that, especially if you're neurodivergent it can add up to not feeling like a woman and really adding to the feeling of being out of place.

I don't comment on your body because it's no one's business but your own, don't comment on mine, thanks.

My sewing teacher said I had swimmers shoulders, and when she measured me very loudly exclaimed that I'm a size 14. I was pretty sure all my well fitting clothes were a 12. For some reason that mortified me!?

I don't get skinny shamed but I do get stared at sometimes. If I show my legs especially I do get dirty looks. I think people don't say anything as they genuinely think I'm very unwell so it's too embarrassing to confront.

It's much worse to be fat shamed though. I've been called fat and greedy so many times when I was younger.

That's bloody awful 😖. You are absolutely bang on....we have eyes, we know what we look like.

I've been slim shamed throughout my adult life.
Been called skinny, scrawny, asked if I'm an alcoholic/addict (nope, teetotal, don't even like prescribed medications), accused of being anorexic/bulimic (I'm neither). Told "eat food" "go and get a burger", "being so horribly skinny is ageing" etc. Had all the jokes about living off a lettuce leaf and three grapes.
It used to upset me when I was young, but I'm used to it now and just shrug it off.