have you been slim shamed? or what would you call it

[EleanorReally]

my dd, in her twenties, sounds like she was slim shamed, in a sewing club,
they had to find their measurements and the tutor was saying anyone smaller than this is like a child

how rude
it has put her off going

It's more socially unacceptable to fat bash because of the anorexia issue. And also more people are bigger or want to be thinner so if you fat bash you are more likely to be scalded by other women whereas to skinny shame isnt seen as bad (but of course it's just as nasty)

I’m thin, always have been, but also look after myself as well as I quite like being able to chuck on a size 8 in anything and know it’ll look good. I get a lot of comments though - quite often a bit snarky and negative (usually about being pretty flat chested, which I am) and usually from people who are fat. I would LOVE to respond and go ‘better than being a fatty with diabetes’ but I’m too chicken… shame.

If you confront someone doing it, they will say ' oh I only meant X'.

Then you can say 'let me educate you..'
If you have the guts. I was slim shamed at work in front of people when I had been working out and dieting.

The thing is - it gets in your head as an ear worm. I found myself wondering whether I should just wear something baggy.

Then I gave my head a wobble and realised the comments are about them and not you.

Yes, repeatedly. I once said to a friend who kept telling me she thought I was too thin imagine if I told her I thought she was too fat. She said it was different because thin is a compliment, but it's not if it's used in that context. She never told me I was too thin again though.

I'd encourage your daughter to come up with a line to stop that behaviour in future like "please don't make me feel uncomfortable about my body shape". Or something like that to nip it in the bud.

I would think she was being factual ie any smaller and that is classed as child's size.

A so-called friend once spread it around that I was anorexic. She apparently based this on the fact that a size 10 person (me) turned down biscuits at her house - probably horrible custard creams, not that I remember exactly.

I just had a naturally small appetite. And at the time (ages ago) TBH I preferred a fag with my coffee.

It was months before I found out. When a mutual friend told me I was literally speechless.
The guilty party was the sort of overweight person who’s permanently on a diet that they never stick to.

Ugh yes. I was very slim as a kid and young adult - probably size 6 or less. I was horribly bullied at school and home. Every meal I'd try to eat as much as humanly possible, to the point where I'd feel nauseous, in the hope I'd put on weight. Every. Meal. It didn't work - I just had a super fast metabolism. I started becoming more of a 'normal' weight around late 20s.

Total strangers used to stop me and say I looked disgusting and anorexic (I have never understood this sort of abuse - surely if someone is actually anorexic they need empathy and support, not disgust).
My own gran was the worst - every meal was policed and commented on. She once told me, when I was 11, that skinny people were all neurotic and horrible, and curvy people were jolly and lovely, so why can't I just eat more and be nice. I was 11. I never forgave her nor my parents for exposing me to that crap.

Sorry to go on, it's a real trigger for me. I hope your DD is ok, it sounds like you really look out for her. As I've had a bit more distance from it all I've grown to realise that people who make these kind of comments have their own issues, and it's not about me. They must have miserable lives to be such dick heads.

I've been both slim and overweight. I'm down to a size 10 now having been a 14-16. Certain people have always had something negative to say no matter what size or shape I was. I see that as being more about them than me, and shrug it off. But its certainly been more hurtful being fat shamed than slim shamed.

I have been extremely thin for most of my life (5”5 and size 4/6). Once in my early 20s a friend’s father literally looked me up and down upon meeting me, and said “you need a good square meal”, with a horrible look on his face.

I didn’t say anything, but oh how I wish, wish, wish I’d had the benefit of age and experience and had been able to clap back. “Well you’re fucking rude, aren’t you?” / “well you need to learn some manners” - something like that to put this arsehole middle aged man in his place.

Ha, I've had this. Why is it always a bloody burger

All the time. I’m a size 6 and always have been. Most recently was told I look like I’d ’slip through a crack’. Been called anorexic and skeletal many many times and also told I couldn’t be this thin unless I was starving myself.

Yes all my life. I am slim (I refuse to use the 's' or 't' word) and am very self conscious, I know it looks weird and I find it really upsetting. Thing is though, I am in my late 50's, have had DC and run ultra marathons so I'm clearly healthy enough so I have to remind myself that I'm stronger than they think but boy it's hurtful still.

More when I was younger...was always a 6/8, am an 8/10 now at 37 and the comments have stopped.

I don't remember finding it too upsetting, but people have occasionally made comments about DS1 (age 9) and I've taken those more personally...because he eats lots and healthily with plenty of protein etc.

He is just always on the go/does lots of sports...He's not actually underweight he's always in the normal range of BMI.

Two separate people have recently referred to me as 'a stick'. I don't know how that can be taken as a compliment!

One was a friend and one was a colleague. My (usually clueless!) manager pulled my colleague to one side to ask her not to comment on my weight. I had tried to smile along, but he had obviously noticed how unimpressed I was!

I'm 5 ft 5 and 8 st 4, so a nice healthy weight!

It's not nice to mock anyone's appearance for any reason, but I doubt many people get fat-shamed out of jealousy, which must make it more upsetting

E.g. Somanydandylions, it's true that wasn't said as a compliment, but you know deep down they want to be 'sticks' too

I was often told by my mum that it was ‘jealousy’, but I never bought that. No one wanted to look as thin as I did.

No, but people started rumours about me being trans because I had a lot of muscle mass… I just had an ovarian cyst doubling my testosterone

I suffer with anxiety, which at its worst, rids me of any appetite and almost makes food repulsive. I lose weight extremely quickly and the worst thing on earth is for someone to comment on it or make a ‘joke’. This fuels the anxiety and makes it worse.

I’m fairly slim - size 10, 5ft 6 and often get told I look thin and could stand to gain a few pounds. I’d never tell anyone they look fat or thin!

Conversely as a teen, I was a fair bit heavier and faced constant judgement and looks from my parents and grandparents about looking ‘big’.

People do that ALL THE TIME to non skinny people.

I’ve been both too big and on the cusp of underweight during my adult life and people are much more forthright about skinny shaming I’ve found.

As soon as I had lost a few stone even though I was medically still classed as overweight it was open season on my appearance. I had never had that when I was big. I’m not even ‘allowed’ to be cold now “well no wonder you’re cold there’s nothing to you. You should eat more then you’ll be warm”. I’d never had the reverse happen when I was bigger and too hot.

No one apart from your Dr should be commenting on your body size. End of.

Yes, most of my adult life.

At my lightest I was 7st 4, I’m 5ft 4, and I was at work one day. A very overweight woman, who was sitting eating a tube of Pringles told me I should go home and eat some cake. I turned to her and said “if I told you to put that tube of Pringles down, because you could do without eating them there’d be hell to pay, so stop commenting on my size”. She never did again.

My GP told me I’ve got “abnormally skinny legs…” I know I have. So does my mum, and so did my Nan. I can’t do anything about it. .

Because it is seen, as not being as bad as being fatshamed, because apparently everybody wants to be thin. I have always been slim, never gone above 8.5stones, and have had my fair share of crappy comments.

I've had people telling me that I am too skinny all my life and that I should be grateful I don't have to work out, even though most of the time I am not remotely fit and probably have the physique of Mr Burns from the symptoms (my fault I know).

Being fat shamed is the worse though as the slim shaming comments are misguided compliments but fat shaming is plain nasty.

Yes. Most of my life. You need a good meal. Bet you eat like a bird etc. I was very slim but clearly healthy.

I'm slim medium now but get called skinny as everybody is downsizing themselves. Hardly skinny being 5"6 and 10 stone 10 and size 12.