If you have one larger child and one slimmer child how do you manage it?

[HairsprayBabe]

DS4 has always been a chunk born 98th centile for height and weight and remained that way all through toddlerhood, never had a concern raised with his weight by HCP he has always just been a "sturdy boy" with plenty of baby fat. We were told at his last HV appt when about 2 years ago now he would run it all off in the next few years. He is very active and eats pretty much healthy lots of fruit and veg and limited "junk"

DD3 has conversely always been a dot in comparison, born on the 9th centile and has always hovered around there, again no concerns from HCP she is just little. Also an active child eats the same as DS generally healthy lots of fruit and veg etc.

DS is starting school in Sept and I can't find school trousers in store to fit him, he has lived in stretchy comfy clothes his whole life so fit has never been an issue before. I'm going to have to order the plus fit for him which is fine but it is making me think he is "too" big.

When I look at him he is big boy but he looks proportional, he has always been one age size up from his clothing size, but that is in leg/sleeve length too. He doesn't have a big belly that overhangs, and when he raises his arms his ribs are clearly visible, but he still has little baby rolls round his wrists, and when we weighed him for car seats his BMI is well into overweight.

I obviously can't put a four year old on a diet, he is already super active, swimming, martial arts, we walk everywhere etc and I don't want to give him any weirdness around food, or my DD either considering she is seemingly a bottomless pit that can eat what she likes and stays tiny but I want my children to be healthy.

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated...

I am in much the same situation except my child is older now. She has always measured as being slightly overweight. But I’m not sure how useful these graphs are for growing children.

I think you need to have the same rules for all of them. Familiarise yourself with proper portion sizes for a child that age. They are tiny! that said, I’ve done all this and she is still the same.

My sturdy second son was the same. By about 10 he was obviously overweight, we started cutting down on confectionary. However it's very difficult to monitor food, as it's everywhere.

The good news is, at age 15, a switch flipped in his head and he started watching body building u tube videos. He joined the local University gym, goes 5 or 6 times a week and now monitors his diet very strictly. He weighs everything, logs everything in his app, tracks his exercise. Walks more. He is getting strong and his frame is changing.

We live in an obesogenic society. We need to recalibrate and consider our bodies like machines. Food is fuel, we can cut (shed fat cells) if we manage our bodies like a project.

Continue to lead by example, walk everywhere, cut out high calorie drinks, load up on protein and veg.

School trousers fit noone!! They don't fit my skinny-minny either!

Who is older? Either go with oldest needs more if your daughter is older, or feed them the same amount if your son is older.
It is basically down to how much they eat tho (or drink if its endless milk) - so not increasing the food as he grows until his height catches up with his weight is the only way.

I've got one 85th child and one 50th centile. I feed them both eat to the bigger child's diet (ie, restrict portion sizes, no second helpings, mainly just healthy food, no regular snacks, etc). Yes, if I just had the smaller one I'd be more easy going, but on the other hand the smaller one won't be harmed by a very healthy diet - in fact it's better for them too.

Portion control. No sweets, no squash, no biscuits, water only and as much exercise as you can get.

@Badh yes I'm not sure how useful the graphs are at their age, but it was the trouser shopping that really made me think!

It would be so much easier if they were both bigger I could see that it is something I'm doing but at this point they both get the same portions, same lunches etc

We allow unlimited fruit and veg, and they have a treat after dinner - but again they both have the same, if we are eating out they both still choose from the children's menu, they both drink squash and not milk.

Make sure you have cut out all the artificial sweeteners they really mess up appetite.

He slim out in a couple of years but other than that its portion control.

@DongDingBell DS is older, he is nearly 5 DD is 3.5
They are given the same portions, and we have never enforced a "clear your plate" mentality just eat till you are full.

We only do extra helpings of veg after dinner me and my husband are both healthy weights.

It sounds like you’re doing everything right to be honest. Limiting the junk food but providing unlimited healthy basics so kids can regulate their own appetite works for most children, and it sounds like it’s working ok for yours too. There is variation in normal weights. Keep up the emphasis on sport and incidental exercise as they grow and keep an eye on the situation.

You could cut out the squash or start watering it down more to reduce sugar intake. Or limit it to a glass with dinner or after school or whatever. It’s just sugar. It’s better that they get used to not having sweet drinks all the time. The only time squash is really necessary is if your child is dehydrated and you really need to push liquids. So when they’re ill or if your kids just absolutely refuse to drink plain water day to day and suffer because of it (getting urinary infections or headaches for example). If they complain about the change and you don’t want talk about healthy food then you could tell them it’s because squash is bad for their teeth.

@Strawberriesforever I'm really stingy with the squash, it's so incredibly dilute the way I serve it my DH says I just wave the squash bottle over the cups! they just get the Aldi double strength that is about 2cals per serving and they only get it with lunch and dinner, milk with breakfast.
They just have water the rest of the time.

My son is 96 for height and used to be 96 for weight too but in the couple of years since starting school he has gone down to 70 for weight simply by growing and because of his height is now very slender. If you’re confident about the healthiness of the food and the portion size I would do nothing for another year and see if he gets taller. Squash doesn’t sound good, though, so I would try and reduce that while they are young enough to not see through tricks like watering down and running out.
I have to restrict a lot what my daughter eats and how often she eats because her teeth are coming through without enamel, but I don’t want her to feel it. Therefore I have a couple of foods that I always have in to be able to offer to both children with a glass of milk knowing that she will usually say no while he will say yes (not junk foods, it would be fine if she said yes occasionally but if she started to say yes all the time I would have to find a different type of food for this trick).

Then I wouldn’t worry about that either. I do the same with squash. It’s much easier to control the sugar content than with juice. I’m always by the super sweet taste if it’s made up according to the instructions on the bottle!

I've got two DDs, one of each. Their build is entirely different: DD1 has a sturdy, muscular frame like her dad and DD2 looks like me in my tweens; a twig.

It's been a journey for us. We're frugals who don't generally have sweet stuff, snacks or sweet drinks around. We cook healthy, predominantly vegetarian meals. The main problem is DP's style of serving food -he plates up. He has a massive blind spot concerning portion sizing and will frequently serve larger portions than would be normally recommended 'because it saves them getting up if they want seconds' and 'it's nice to see a full plate of food, isn't it?' DP, who is athletic and trains every day, grew up in poverty and this definitely has a bearing on how his relationship to food impacts our family's health. I prefer empty plates and food in serving dishes and terrines, everyone taking only as much as they need, and we really have locked horns over this for over a decade! He hates dishes on the table and thinks it's pretentious, but where I'm from (Europe) it's the norm.

Rant over, I'd suggest looking at portion sizes, as it sounds like you're doing everything right.

@Strawberriesforever I agree, I drink fizzy water normally if I get lumped with squash at a kids party it puts my teeth on edge!

Your DD might just have a better/faster(?) Metabolism so can cope with more food whereas your DS can't so although they eat the same it's still too much

If they are not having lots of treat stuff and their portion sizes are good I really wouldn't worry too much. some kids have an outward growth before an upward growth and this does tend to be boys. A friend of mine had a boy who did this and his Dad gave him so much grief when he put weight on she had to intervene - she was worried about eating disorders. But I think she managed it well, fended DH off and now at 25 he is on the slim side mostly I think as he is a drummer!

School trousers are weird sizes. My DD is really tall, 98th centile but her weight is 77th centile and I still find the school trousers tight on her. Luckily she can wear dresses.
Its something to keep an eye on, but he sounds like he's always been this way and will probably stay this way. As long as his diet is good and he stays active, I'm sure it'll be fine.

@Blixem 100% the school trousers triggered me! I remember trying to fit my post puberty hips into M&S school trousers at 14 and nearly crying!

I know someone who has two daughters, the elder takes after her dad and is tall and broad and seems to naturally carry more weight, especially around her face and middle, while the younger takes after her mum and is petite and naturally skinny.

Since the girls were young, exercise has been a huge thing in their family life. They are always off on their mountain bikes or swimming in some gala or doing charity runs. All their holidays seem to revolve around hiking up mountains or kayaking in some lake or another.

The parents were never like this before children, I think they have adopted this lifestyle so that the children develop healthy habits and to ensure that body-ideals in their family revolve around health, strength and fitness, rather than size or shape.

It seems to be working, eldest is at the awkward age of 13-14 and while she is large in size she is very muscular, is always doing well in athletics and swimming events and seems to have good self-esteem. The younger sister has tended more towards gymnastics and dancing, which suit her as she has the body type to do well with these. Both sisters seem to get along and the pursuit of sports that work for each of their body types seems to be a great strategy.

You are talking about 2 very young children here. I wouldn't let it worry you too much at all.

My sons are now 19 and 15. As small kids, 19 was on the 0.4th centile, he was small and scrawny and a constant worry he was so slight. 15 was on the 50th, broad shoulders, ate well, put on weight, has puppy fat etc.
Puberty came along. Older one filled out before he grew. Younger one just grew longer and slimmed down. I now have an older one who is solid, stocky and strong. And a younger one who is tall and lanky and blows over in a slight breeze.

As small kids, you teach them healthy habits for life and let nature do the rest when it comes to what size they end up. You cannot and should not try to slim one down and fatten the other up.

I hear you op. My two youngest are boys 10 and 11 the younger one is tall and skinny. The older one is 5”6 and built like a brick out house. I’m trying my best to make sure he eats as healthily as possible but it’s hard as he just loves food. He’s not fat to look at but he has a decent covering all over if that makes sense.
He plays football, Thai boxes and has recently got into boxing. The boxing coach is very old school and said to us he needs to up his cardio and start weight training for strength and conditioning. He’s putting a program together for him. Ds loves this idea as he feel likes an athlete 😆
We are currently away on an AI holiday and I’m panicking about how much he eating.

I have the same issue. Dd5 takes after my side, she is broad shouldered, has bit of a tummy but is very tall and strong. 80-90th centile. D's is 7 and was 12th centile as a baby and we have pushed hard so is now about 25th, takes after his dad's side who are all pretty petit to average. Their different frame shape was obvious from birth. They are very nearly the same height and weight despite the two year age gap.

We have taken advantage of their different likes and ways. DD is a slow eater so we use this as an opportunity to give Ds more, more pudding, second helping etc.

They also like different things so we will buy dds favourite 'healthier' options and limit her favourite 'unhealthy' foods. She gets squash that is more diluted. I'll give her more berries for breakfast whereas ds will get more grapes (higher in sugar).

If we have a 'bits' dinner (plate of fruit and veg, boiled egg, crisps, cold kebab etc) I will give DD a bigger portion of carrot, cucumber and leaner meat and ds will get more crisps, cheese etc.

It seems to be working. I was a chunky child who grew into a chunky adult and I do think a lot of it could have been mitigated by my parents keeping more of an eye on my weight. I knew I was larger then other children, talking about it sensitively wouldn't have hurt me. Mum did all the cooking so I just ate what I was given and I was always starving after school and would raid my brother's pack lunch chocolate/crisps.

I think because my parents were slim and both extended families were slim, it never really occurred to them that it would be a problem.

Do they genuinely eat the same? I was noticeably hungrier then my siblings and peers, could eat 2nd and 3rd helping happily at every meals. It wasn't junk either, I was the only sibling who would eat cauliflower, broccoli sprouts etc. but would go sniffing in cupboards/left overs afterwards or at friends houses.

My parents didn't understand nutrition at all (still don't) any fruit was 'healthy' so they just let me eat handful after handful of raisins for example. Same for cereal, bread etc.

DS1 was a chonk when he was little. As wide as he was tall as he was deep (more or less). I always had to shorten school uniforms, roll up sleeves etc. If your health visitor isn’t worried then don’t be.

Now my biggest concern is finding trousers that have a 28in waist and 34in leg. The boy is a 6ft bean pole with a BMI of 18.

Sorry didn't mean to abandon this thread - further question I know they will do the BMI check in reception next year has anyone opted out of it - I know he is chunky I don't think it is useful to be told he needs to eat more vegetables and do more exercise when we are following all the advice for healthy children anyway!

Also any recommendations for the best "plus fit" uniforms ideally on a budget, I know m&s do them but they are obviously pricier than ASDA or tesco!