If you have one larger child and one slimmer child how do you manage it?

[HairsprayBabe]

DS4 has always been a chunk born 98th centile for height and weight and remained that way all through toddlerhood, never had a concern raised with his weight by HCP he has always just been a "sturdy boy" with plenty of baby fat. We were told at his last HV appt when about 2 years ago now he would run it all off in the next few years. He is very active and eats pretty much healthy lots of fruit and veg and limited "junk"

DD3 has conversely always been a dot in comparison, born on the 9th centile and has always hovered around there, again no concerns from HCP she is just little. Also an active child eats the same as DS generally healthy lots of fruit and veg etc.

DS is starting school in Sept and I can't find school trousers in store to fit him, he has lived in stretchy comfy clothes his whole life so fit has never been an issue before. I'm going to have to order the plus fit for him which is fine but it is making me think he is "too" big.

When I look at him he is big boy but he looks proportional, he has always been one age size up from his clothing size, but that is in leg/sleeve length too. He doesn't have a big belly that overhangs, and when he raises his arms his ribs are clearly visible, but he still has little baby rolls round his wrists, and when we weighed him for car seats his BMI is well into overweight.

I obviously can't put a four year old on a diet, he is already super active, swimming, martial arts, we walk everywhere etc and I don't want to give him any weirdness around food, or my DD either considering she is seemingly a bottomless pit that can eat what she likes and stays tiny but I want my children to be healthy.

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated...

Why would you opt out of it? They don’t tell your DS the results. It’s important for the government and the NHS’s planning and you may get some useful advice out of it. If you don’t you can obviously just ignore.

My DS has a friend who was so enormous as a (breastfed) baby that the hospital did all kinds of extra tests on him and actually told his mum to cut down on feeds.

As a 6yo he is much more in proportion/comparable size to peers but is stocky and is clearly built to be a rugby player! Their other 2 kids were normal sized babies and now slim children so it can just be a question of build.

Because I don't think it is useful and I don't need the generic advice they give to overweight children. Plenty of fruit and veg, limited processed foods and lots of exercise - I know all that!

DS was also incredibly enormous as a baby - my HV accused me of sneaking him formula at 12 weeks and checked my kitchen cupboards for proof crazy lady.

He is almost 5 and he is bigger height wise than the majority of his age group but not freakishly so he wears 6-7 clothing for leg/sleeve length not just waist size, he definitely has a stocky build - everyone he meets has said rugby player since before he could stand.

Can you not get age eight trousers and hem them? That way when he grows you won’t need another pair?

We have a “one non-water drink on weekends” rule and water the rest of the time. I think having squash can encourage a sweet tooth and avoiding it helps generally with weight management.

Is his weight impacting him in other ways? ie can he run without stopping for a minute/climb up a climbing frame/hang from a bar?

@HairsprayBabe it’s useful
information for the government and NHS for public health purposes (on an anonymous basis). You can choose to bin the letter without opening it.

@Scarydinosaurs no he is really active, can blast round soft play for hours, not great at climbing/hanging but I think that is fear not ability, he swims once a week and does martial arts once a week, we walk everywhere and he never has trouble keeping up.

I can sew but frankly I don't want to spend £13 on a pair of school trousers and then spend my evening sewing them up.

The squash I give them is so weak it's barely squash at all and it's limited to lunch and dinner anyway.

If it were me, I’d want to just check for myself that it’s just “waiting for a growth spurt” rather than needing more intervention.

I’d take him along to a kids parkrun and see if he can do the 2k. At four, I’d expect him to walk a lot, but is he at the back or can he manage it?

Id also get him to hold onto a bar and see if he can hold his own body weight. Make it into a game, doesn’t need to be dangerous/scary. But can he hang and hold for 30 seconds?

And stairs - can he climb up two flights of stairs without complaining.

IME of working with young people, these are three easy ways to see if weight is impacting their ability to do everyday things/is likely to be a problem in the future.

Oh - and with the trousers just use the iron “wonderweb” stuff to hem them. Costs hardly anything and no sewing. Better than having to buy expensive plus size clothes.

My 3 are all over the map. Eldest was steadily 90-95th centile and quite tall (now at university so basically grown). Middle has never been over 15% and at one point dropped below 5%. Third has been steadily just above average,

I've come to the conclusion that with such a range it's not anything I'm doing and it's down to self-regulation primarily. With DC2, I'm happy if he eats anything with calories. He doesn't have ARFID but is autistic, a selective eater, and just doesn't seem to feel hunger. I don't believe in nagging children about food as my mum was prone to that and it didn't help. I focus on serving food.

I have a DS, who was an overweight child, and a DD, who was always underweight. Because they were a boy and a girl, I didn't mind that his clothes would never fit her. I used to buy my boy plus fit school trousers from M and S and would buy whatever was a good fit - nothing like feeling uncomfortable in too tight trousers and being forced to sit cross-legged on the carpet. Their diets were different in that the boy had a healthy appetite and the girl ate very little. It was a difficult balancing act, but I never restricted food (except for junk) or commented on size. They are now both in their 20s and DS is slim and DD is well-covered/curvy. I'd say, never make weight/size an issue and they will sort themselves out when they are ready.

PS trousers were an even bigger nightmare for DC2, still are, as any pair long enough don't stay up! He's too skinny for slim sizes even. I have to take in the waist.

A couple of things - have a look at the next age up but in „short“ length for trousers. (At one point DS1 was in extra wide waist and extra short leg length to get a good fit!)
Also, we emphasised eating the veg and protein part of the meal, and then only as much potato or rice as needed to suit hunger. Younger child would have extra butter on veggies or potatoes.

We also had some very frank conversations around every body being different, and they should eat what is right for them and not worry about what their siblings were doing. Fair does not mean everyone has the same! This also works for activities etc. 😬

All of them eventually evened out around puberty and are healthy adults and teens now.