DD shared bed with friends mum

[Randomuser9812]

Not sure how I feel about this so tell me I’m BU if I am. My DD aged 6 recently slept over at her friends house and she told me they both slept in friend’s mum’s bed (with the mum in it). It just seems a bit off to me and there’s no way I’d think it was appropriate to share a bed with her bf if she slept at ours. I’m just going to say no more sleepovers for a while as she is still quite young I think.

It is totally inappropriate in my opinion. 6 is also too young for sleepovers other than family members in my opinion. There are plenty of years ahead for sleepovers. Why do people put young children at potential risk when there is absolutely no need at such at all. So many kids do things so young which leaves little new experiences to look forward to in the later years.

I'm not judging anyone. 🩷

I should also add my bff's sisters were both abused on sleepovers by their grandfather and grandmother was aware and complicit, so I'd never judge.

When my DDs had others for sleepovers sometimes the friend would leap into my bed too in the morning when DD did. But overnight ... that's weird.

I wouldn't really think anything of it tbh OP. I suppose it's what you're comfortable with though.

Oh I've had my nieces over and they always seem to end up in my bed, just as an excuse to be awake for longer.

Could it be the same, they just wanted to snuggle up an a big bed rather than separate ones and chat girl time?

I really wouldn't read so much into it, they were in bed, safe, was most likely not planned by the Mum who would've been glad of some peace! Xx

To add, I wasn't allowed sleepovers until much older and then my Dad rang ahead, as a police officer, to 'check'. I was so embarrassed at the time but totally get it now. Xx

I find this so weird, sorry. I would never sleep with my six year old’s friend in my bed. Why would she?

One of mine and a friend scared themselves stupid telling ghost stories once and I ended up sleeping on the floor in the room they were in. If the parents had complained I’d have nipped the friendship in the bud a bit sharpish because the child was bloody hard work. I would not have been comfortable sharing a bed with someone else’s kid… youngest step dc gets in with us on occasion and I worry there could be allegations made there, too.

I’m voting not necessarily wrong, but needs context.

I think that you could ask the mum maybe? Possibly in a “I’m so sorry dd was in your bed” way?
Im a single parent and my eldest is older - 10 - and even at that age her and her friends are continually trying to get into my bed on sleepovers 🙄 There’s always some sort of game or drama or scared of the dark or urgent need. I think it feels different to them because I’m female and there isn’t a man around.
I don’t allow it aged 10 and send them back to her room, but possibly might have done if we’d had them for a sleepover aged 6 and they’d seemed genuinely upset or worried.

6 is too young for sleepovers (unless it’s family)

Maybe they weren’t sleeping well or maybe her daughter is often in her bed so your child did the same so not to be left alone. I would hope and expect it’s all innocent. 6 is maybe a bit too young for friends sleepovers as I know you’re considering now (this parenting lark is a huge learning curve all the time isn’t it - so please, I mean no shade on you at all!)
I’d let it go now, and maybe think for the future if there’s anything like that you wouldn’t like to happen when she does have sleepovers in the future again 💜

what is her nationality?
dd was offered to stay over at a thailand neighbours, and the plan was to do similar
i wouldnt let her, i didnt feel comfortable

Did your dd come home rested and having had fun?
What’s the scenario? Movie night in the big bed all the “girls” watched a movie fell asleep? Started in the children’s room, neither of them “sleeping” everyone into the big bed lights out!
On one level it could be very responsible (no child sneaking out at midnight unaware).

To clarify, my DD and her DD are finishing year 2 now. Mine is June birthday so 7 end of next month. Hers is October birthday so 8 in October. So the stuff about toilet I do think is weird and the baby play - she’s far too old. Mum is British. i got the impression she slept between the two girls but my DD wasn’t totally clear and I don’t want to push her and make it a big thing.
I have taken comments on board. My DD is not traumatised and had fun. I know everyone does things differently. I wouldn’t do what she did. I’m not going to confront her or stop my DD from going there but no more sleepovers as I am not comfortable with it.

I'm shocked by how relaxed so many parents are, especially letting a six year old stay overnight with a stranger. Yes a stranger, how well do you know anyone?

Agreed. Plus everyone assumes it's safe because it's a woman. But some woman abuse kids too. Yes it's much more unlikely, but it happens.

I suspect your DD’s friend usually sleeps with her mum so that’s why they both ended up in there. It’s not something I would do and I can understand you feeling a bit odd about it but if I didn’t think there was actually anything untoward going on I’d let it go.

Exactly, the risk is small but its not worth the risk. So many parents are uptight about the smallest things, yet sharing a bed with a stranger is no big deal 😳

It’s not a big deal. The other little girl obviously gets in mum’s bed a lot so your daughter coming over was just an extension of that.

Just ask her, in a neutral way, how it came about. Maybe the daughter does it often and your daughter didn’t want to be left alone in another room. Maybe the friend was showing off. I don’t think six is too young if everyone’s happy but instead of speculating, just ask. It could be that the mother wasn’t happy about it either but didn’t want to cause a scene, upset her daughter by refusing sonething that’s normally ok (I think she should have btw - explaining that if you want a friend to stay over, that’s the deal).

I'm with you.
If the mum is someone you know and you know they're a good person.... I'm not sure I'd be that bothered about it.

Girlie sleep over in a big bed with a TV and snacks scenario?

I agree with this as sadly I know a man who was abused by a woman in his youth and it fucked him up!!

If OP knows how this mum is as a person and as a mum to her DC, I really do hope it was more just a girlie sleep over rather than something else

Can you not just speak to the friends mum and say, DD mentioned that she slept in your bed with you and friend.
It's not really something that I would do with another child and I would prefer that it doesn't happen again.

Personally I'm a cards in the table person and always try to be diplomatic (unless dealing with a cunt but even then, grace).
Of course this would need to be said face to face so the mum can feel that there's no ill feeling in what you're saying. She overstepped a boundary and she won't do it again. Everyone's happy. Your kid goes for a sleepover and if it were to happen again, sleepovers stop.
Not sure you can stop the kids being friends and playing together but no sleepovers at her house