Are year 6 boys really obnoxious?

[WavyRavey]

My son is suspected audhd and is on reduced hours as he was struggling again recently after an excellent year

I know the year 6s have just done their sats and are going up to big school etc so they're likely stressed as much as they like to act the big I Am

They seem to revel in winding my son up, today they did so til he lashed out, he's always extremely honest to a fault, not sure if it's a part of the autism, and will tell on them and exactly what they've done or said, one time they were looking at rude images on the bus so he told the teacher, this time they were calling him moonpig, which is the card company surely and I really don't understand what that's about!
Then they were asking why he had coloured streaks in his hair for non uniform day and laughing about it. My son is a bit of an individual and likes having little quirky things to be different and they always seem to pick up on it and take the mick. He has someone sit near him on the bus as they've started before and they've managed to upset him again. I've tried to say tell the teacher, ignore them, walk away etc

I just don't know if I should email school again about their behaviour, they stop for a bit then know how to wind him up yet again.

Is this just year 6 boys? They seem to know exactly what to say to upset people, my friendship group at school were all nerds and misfits so we didn't really seem to do this!

Sure, but the other boys looking at porn as a group (which I don’t approve of but is common at that age) and prank calling moon pig (ditto) is not really his issue to tell on them. If they were teasing or upsetting him by words they were saying to/about him, absolutely he should inform the teacher.

in school , especially secondary, it’s not really about what’s “morally right”, ie prank calls are a waste of time for all involved, porn is degrading and is 18+ you get labelled a grass if telling on pupils unnecessarily. The porn and prank call thing is the epitome of grassing up your classmate unnecessarily. School will become very tough for him if he is the type to tell on pupils for what would be deemed trivial things like this. Not saying that to upset you, but it’s the way it is.

he is bound to witness a lot more kids do stuff in secondary, especially groups of boys talking about or looking at porn. There will be kids talking about (and probably lying about) drinking booze, sex, weed, and he might witness stuff like underage smoking/kissing behind the bike sheds. I remember being eleven/twelve. If he continues the way he’s going he will be approaching the teacher every week to tell on someone.

Your son needs to learn when to pick his battles and when to leave well alone. Or he will never make new friends at school, and be known as the boy who grasses up his classmates and he will ostracize everyone.

there is a time and a place for telling the teacher about stuff, viewing porn and prank calls ain’t it.

There’s a difference between not being a child who won’t say boo to a goose, and one who is (maybe unintentionally) going to alienate everyone. I 100% stand behind him telling the teacher about any bullying or teasing towards him or anyone he knows at school, though.

Edit just realised they were calling him moonpig, not prank calling. He is valid to tell the teacher if they’re teasing him and being cruel to him (kids can be awful) but he is still being BVU to tell teachers about the porn and this is probably why they tease him/ treat him badly although there’s no excuse. He is probably known as a grass.

Sorry he's a 7 year old that could see 11 year olds looking at porn on the bus and you think that's okay? That's absolutely wild

No its not ok but telling on them (which is not the same as never saying boo to a goose) will hardly win him friends.
Bullying is never ok and he SHOULD tell the teachers about that but he isn't doing himself any favours

Not ok, but unfortunately common for 11 year old lads to do especially nowadays. Telling on them for stuff like this will put everyone off being friends with him and will label him a grass. As pp said he will be alienated.

Having been one, and raised one, I can confirm they are truly revolting.
They do grow out of it however (mostly).

Yeesh, think I'd rather be an honest grass than just put up with tbh!

Nobody’s saying he shouldn’t tell the teachers about the teasing and bullying. By all means he should, it’s incredibly important.

but he’s going to have a shitty time at school and secondary if he tells on the teacher for stuff like a group of y6 lads accessing some porn.

You are an adult who is capable of making that decision and understanding the possible consequences, a 6/7 year old child is not

FWIW I also have autism, I went to about 5 schools as I struggled and was not diagnosed till adulthood. I can see why he may not understand the consequences of telling on the older boys for stuff like watching porn. he probably has the view “porn is for adults, these boys aren’t adults, I need to tell the teacher” which is well- meaning I appreciate but sadly most other kids finding out he informs teachers about stuff like this will not do well for him in the long run. He will be known as the boy who tells on people for everything. He could well be alienated. Does he tell on pupils for other things like this frequently?

Telling on the older lads viewing porn is completely different to if he tells teacher if he’s being harassed or bullied - that absolutely needs to be brought to attention.

are you autistic too OP?

Yes, and they're getting worse year on year.

i think it’s perfectly okay for a 7 year old to say they saw something id hope they are not aware of on the bus. Encouraging a child not to mention this is a huge safeguarding risk! How is a 7 year old meant to know that’s ‘normal’ for older children if they don’t know what it is in the first place.

i would definitely be contacting the school as it’s bullying and unacceptable. It’s targeted and frequent towards your son. Whether he’s annoyed them or not, he’s also 7 years old.

I work with 6-7 year olds and they all constantly tell on each other, I don’t think he will be short on friends for telling the teacher.

sorry your son is going through this OP

the thing is if their child continues doing this especially as they get older, they are going to begin to get ostracised from all the other pupils. Yes it’s unfair, but unfortunately it’s the way things at school are when it comes to students. OP says their son.

RE the porn, rather than telling a teacher - approaching mum and having her talk to him and reassure is probably the better option. Unfortunately kids are discovering porn earlier and earlier now, with smartphones it’s just the way it is. Kids at school have pretty graphic (for want of a better word) sex ed now in Y6, and this combined with curiosity enables these kids to access porn. It’s not necessarily a safeguarding issue, although IMO children shouldn’t have free rein access to the internet.

if the boys were showing the porn specifically to the seven year old, and forcing him to watch it, that would be the point where I’d involve teachers.

edit: I’ve just realised OP said “rude images” so whether it was actual porn or not I dunno. They didn’t specify. Could be anything.

It's more about explaining the social paradigm to him. I spend a long time explaining to KS1 children who spend all their time grassing up their friends that this isn't a good thing to do. The tale telling in the last half decade seems to have hit an all time high. I'm talking really minor stuff. They just can seem to help themselves. We talk about when it is important to tell a teacher- someone is doing something dangerous, something which affects you e.g. the bullying. We also explicitly have to teach children that grassing or telling tales when it isn't important can have consequences which you might not like: children ostracizing you, tit for tat etc. It's learning social cues and consequences. Like others have explained, it's really important that he understands this, especially if he's Audhd as they often don't have that concept and expect that there are no repercussions from doing "the right thing" which comes from the rigid thinking patterns. My own son is Audhd so I get it. But from year 2 onwards the children suddenly mature fast and they aren't forgiving. My son gets it now because it has been explained to him clearly. Other children haven't been so lucky and have been firmly put in their place by other children. He comes home like a little social explorer and we pick apart the social interactions so he can gain insight. Social dynamics in primary as so much more complex then often adults realise and unlike most adults children are pretty blunt ended about it.