Please help me sort my life out

[cattypussclaw]

Everything is just shit and I don’t know where to start to enjoy life again. I’m 57, almost 58, post-menopausal, I can’t lose weight (size 16), my skin is terrible (always has been but thought the spots would be gone by this age), I have a Dad with dementia who is starting to wear me down, a lovely daughter who is soon off to uni and I miss her terribly already, a job I love (I’m a primary TA) but is very very stressful and terribly paid, my blood pressure is stupidly high (GP trying to get it under control), I constantly have pain across the top of my back (it actually hurts if I press on the back of my shoulders), my left eyelid has developed a twitch/flutter and I’m miserable as sin, I’ve no desire to do anything/go anywhere, I’m constantly tired… The only good thing is my husband, who tries to be supportive but I don’t think he really understands what I’m feeling or how to help me. I’m not suicidal but I do see the appeal of simply letting it all go. Please help.

What's your diet, sleep, exercise like? It might be good to look at these core basic as a starting point.

I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. I am bigger than you so can’t help with the weight loss tips but am following… One thing I did change was introducing some collagen powder, turmeric and DIM supplements (the latter may not be relevent if you’re post menopause already but I think it’s helped me get ride of excess estrogen). I have felt absolutely shattered and it culminated in me having terrible back pain and inflammation. Within a few weeks, the aches and pains have gone. Also, try Vitamin D with K spray or supplements. And many women are also deficient in magnesium and B12.

Thanks for your reply. Diet is OK, not perfect but not bad. Porridge usually for breakfast, banana at break time, salad/sandwich for lunch, standard meat & two veg dinner. Sleep is terrible, takes me ages to drop off and then wake up several times a night. Exercise is non-existent. I do about 15k steps a day at school and I’m exhausted when I get home, plus my Dad is with us every other evening for dinner so little time to myself. Oh and I forgot to mention that I’m on Sertraline, have been for years.

Thank you. I was wondering about supplements too but there are so many and I don’t know what I can take that won’t interact with my Ramipril and Sertraline.

its awful when you feel like this and I understand what you are going through
firstly your daughter yes its going to be sad but think what a good job you have done with her so good she can go to university so well done you will miss her but you sound like you have a good husband. think if possible something you want to do to fill the time in a hobby reading handicrafts yoga which might help your health problems
the tic and high blood pressure is a sign of stress as I said think about yoga which will help you relax or try Tai Chi or meditation believe me it will help a lot if you stick with it
for your skin why not go to dept store and have a facial or a beauty salon they will make you feel really good and also suggest ideas ie creams that will help you make your skin feel better
i understand you enjoy your job but you do not seem to be getting the best from it, you do not even get a decent wage out of it why not think of a new position? TA is a good career so you should be able to find something better paid maybe help you not be so stressed
best wishes to you

Oh and I don’t drink alcohol much (zero beer is my thing) but do have a weakness for crisps.

Is it worth a chat with the GP to change from
sertraline?

i took it years ago and I could barely sleep and gained tons of weight. I switched to Citalopram and it really helped.

have you tried HRT?

I think you’re overwhelmed so it’s hard to get motivated to start making changes. Maybe make a list of what you want to change and then see what you can start with.
Eg:
Weight/diet
Skin
Going out more
Hobbies.
Then start: Can you get a dog? That would force you to get out other than to work. Or you could aim for 2500 steps outdoors to start with. Diet: can you see a nutritionist? Or maybe injections? Changing your diet may help your skin - if you feel that diet is a challenge then you could try to take medication for it for 4 months to clear it up.
Start with it then see if you’re feeling more motivated to keep going until you begin to see changes happening. A lot of the things you’re experiencing can be helped with walking and a diet change. It’s easier said than done but there are options.

and book yourself a monthly back massage!!

15k steps a day is great, if that is all you're getting for exercise at the moment. How about weekends?

Would you consider HRT to address the sleep issues? Or magnesium? Could you book in with GP to have a review of your Sertraline?

It might be a good idea to increase your protein levels in general and swap your porridge for greek yogurt and fruit, make sure your salad or sandwich also has protein (fish, chicken, beans).

You have a lot on so don't beat yourself up, it's utterly draining caring for a parent with dementia but vital you try to take some time only for you. The eye issue is more than likely stress related so can you try to commit to once a week yoga, or similar?

I agree go and have a deep massage , look at magnesium to help you sleep and the world will feel a lot better

@mooseymoomum - Thank you. I do read but that’s my only “hobby”. I do make things for school (models, resources) and that doesn’t feel like work as I enjoy it. Yoga is a good idea but not sure where to start. There are different types of yoga?

@Barbarachicken Weekends I do the housework/ironing so not as many steps but on my feet.

I’m too old for HRT now. I tried it about seven years ago and it made me bleed a lot which resulted in being sent a for an horrific hysteroscopy which left me with PTSD. Not going there again!

Magnesium as a supplement or as a balm/cream?

Have you had bloods done recently? Once they’re done consider vitamins 12 supplements and vitamin D spray.

Also try cutting carbs and increasing protein. Drink loads of water.

Have you been checked for thyroid and PCOS?

I wrote word for word the same about me aged 57

Post menopause, overweight, in constant pain, skin and hair a complete mess, tired, not sleeping , caring for Mother, and needing sertraline to keep the anxiety at bay

April 22 I took my fat arse into SW. Yes you can lose weight post menopause - just takes longer. I dont follow SW by the letter, I just use the principles - more veg, less bread, easy on the dairy, pile on the protein and grains , easy on the booze. Ive lost and kept off 2 stone

I joined here and read the beauty boards, I was so out of touch with skin care and I live very rural with no beauty counter type of stores near . Ive settled into a very basic routine, quite cheap, but Im consistent and the results are showing. My skin is looking better than it ever has done. Im now confident enough to wear a wee bit of make up.

Two things that really helped instantly was go get a decent haircut and eyebrows shaped. I stopped colouring my hair as well and been very lucky its grown out to a lovely silver

Exercise, I know you do 15k steps a day, but finding just 20 mins to get outside and walk will give you thinking time, peaceful time, which is so good for your mental health. I took up walking/hiking and treated myself to a 26 mile hike for charity aged 60 - loved every minute of it

As the weight went I got a bit more confident about buying new clothes, Spent a whole day going through every item of clothing I had and was ruthless , only keeping what I loved and I looked good in

I was listening to Devina Taylor on the radio the other day and was so impressed that I have her new book on order https://www.amazon.co.uk/Futureproof-Build-Resilience-Younger-Longer/dp/1398709654/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PwHuaDC7N23dRWsQTXv4ym4nFPGB_OVIugjfFY7xPSzIr-KRbBbS1jek7lAVu7AejA1lFwrrAV_rDiRI4ya36AbT-UciLN5mzYZCizYec-iXq1fWLQV2KGa4E5cbWwVxbCpKBO4pvB2L_8pk-mvVVwD0gRcK7jGNLJujH7GDNzBVNAeB97eOAOI1tkjkfj4cx_ZDj4z18HrFA2vX4dOnGC71KCrcgFMmHawHAGrAEAY.5oDFcPdhWKA0ZKJYnwr8VgzGnZDM3hnYxiNiBkHv8-U&dib_tag=se&qid=1747910365&refinements=p_27%3ADavinia+Taylor&s=books&sr=1-1 which I hope will give me pointers for moving forwards.

Im not the same person I was aged 57. Ive so much more energy ( good diet , not perfect but 100% better then it used to be ). Sleep is still dire but I no longer need the sertraline

None of this happened overnight. I made that first change - the weight - the rest just followed naturally

If you are only going to take one supplement I'd say magnesium. There's different types of magnesium but magnesium glycinate helps with sleep, muscle relaxation, stress etc

You need to buy yourself a set of dumbbells; from 2.5kg - 12kg download the peloton app to your TV and start doing 20 minutes leg and thigh workouts - really recommend Selena.

Clean your diet. Everyweek I make a cake using buckwheat (its not a flour and is gluten free), that cake is my treat, I use coconut sugar or if I have them I just sweeten it with 4/5 dates blended into the wet batter. Get a spiraliser on amazon and go buy some courgettes start creating spiralised courgettes pasta; I add tomato sauce to it and pesto and both taste great. Obviously you can spiralise anything but courgettes is a great starter veg/fruit.
My advice is to teach yourself 4 new recipes monthly. I cannot recommend açai bowls enough - açai puréed with a banana and a splash of plant based milk. Served with berries, sprouted flaxseed, organic coconut chips, chia seeds.

And lastly try to avoid eating past 18.00 and don’t break-fast too early the next day. It’s almost midday and I’ve not broken my fast yet.

I had extreme fatigue a few months back and my nutritionist recommended KYM nutrition Ashwagandh KSM-66. I took it about 10pm slept like a baby and woke up the next day with so much energy! It was an absolute game changer. It’s not a supplement you take long term I finished the bottle then I let my body’s natural circadian rhythm take over.

Does your Dad have a social worker? If so maybe schedule a review, or if not call your local council and speak with the duty social worker for adult services.

Another vote for HRT if you aren't already on it.

It sounds like you are stuck in a bit of a rut. Why don't you try breaking down your 'problems' into smaller, more manageable tasks and tackle them one at a time.

I've personally found that the only supplement that really makes a difference is vitamin D. I take 1000iu per day and this has drastically improved my mood, brain fog and fatigue. Magnesium glycinate seems to help me with staying asleep once I do finally drift off however this may just be a placebo as I haven't been taking them long enough to know for sure.

I have recently started planning an evening walk with a friend twice per week to get my stamina up. Doing it with a friend gives me the push I need to motivate myself to see the exercise through, otherwise I would likely make excuses to not go out. After a few weeks of walking I noticed my fatigue easing off a little. It's also helped lift my glum moods as I was finally taking time to focus on myself instead of everything and everyone else. Is this something you could try to do? It's an achievable way to help shift a few extra pounds too.

Another quite controversial piece of advice, have you considered weight loss jabs? My friend has lost almost 4st on them with minimal side effects. She pays around £140 per month. They are not for everyone though so if you think it's something you would consider, definitely do your research first.

I've no advice on your father sorry as its not something I've experienced. Maybe if you tackle some of the smaller 'issues' you will feel more able to manage the bigger tasks at hand.

I promise you won't feel this way forever. It's just a faze of life and it too shall pass. Although it probably doesn't feel that way while you're in the thick of it!

I take the B12 under the tongue drops on Ramipril, don't think they are contraindicated. What dose are you taking of that? I ask because having been on 2.5 for years it was increased and I'm feeling much better and more able to cope as my "readings" have improved (also switched to taking it at bedtime)

I would get some full bloods done if you can and in the meantime

@Jujujudo A list is a great idea. I have it in my head but perhaps actually writing it down will help.

I’d love a dog but, with my husband and I both out at work all day, it wouldn’t be fair. Besides, we have cats, one of whom is the nerviest Nelly ever, so can’t do that to him. I do c15k steps a day at school and, when I get home, I’m both physically and mentally exhausted. Days at school involve trying to herd reluctant children back into classrooms after they’ve wandered off and then trying to persuade them into doing some work. It’s a relentless battle of wills! Plus we have a large cohort of children with SEN, all with different levels and types of need that all need an individual type of support. I love the children and I love helping them and seeing them succeed but it’s just exhausting.

You’re not too old for HRT! I’m your age and still take it- couldn’t get by without it.
maybe discuss with your GP trying a different type - it could make such a difference, along with all the things that other people are suggesting.

Mind you, even with HRT I totally empathise with what you’re describing. I’m really affected by stress, have massive knots in my shoulders and back, feel in pain a lot of the time, tired and irritable and feel like I just can’t cope with work. I don’t seem to have hobbies any more and life just revolves around surviving each day of work and catching up on housework at the weekend. My quality of life feels very poor.
I’m reading the advice ppl are giving you with great interest!

Thought re skin. I had a post meno breakout (never having had spots in my life) and a tip I read from Sarah Vine (of all people) was a good coat of Sudocrem overnight for a few days. Problem solved within a couple of days.

It might not help but wouldn't do any harm and has the benefit of being cheap and accessible!

Oh that's awful regarding the HRT! I'd try a magnesium supplement then, and also try to get some walks in nature or just outside in the fresh air, at the weekend if you can. Good quality sleep is so important for managing stress and weight, so you must feel pretty terrible with all the night waking. I'm sorry you are having a tough time but try to focus on one or two things you can change, and most importantly that you can be consistent with.