Please help me sort my life out

[cattypussclaw]

Everything is just shit and I don’t know where to start to enjoy life again. I’m 57, almost 58, post-menopausal, I can’t lose weight (size 16), my skin is terrible (always has been but thought the spots would be gone by this age), I have a Dad with dementia who is starting to wear me down, a lovely daughter who is soon off to uni and I miss her terribly already, a job I love (I’m a primary TA) but is very very stressful and terribly paid, my blood pressure is stupidly high (GP trying to get it under control), I constantly have pain across the top of my back (it actually hurts if I press on the back of my shoulders), my left eyelid has developed a twitch/flutter and I’m miserable as sin, I’ve no desire to do anything/go anywhere, I’m constantly tired… The only good thing is my husband, who tries to be supportive but I don’t think he really understands what I’m feeling or how to help me. I’m not suicidal but I do see the appeal of simply letting it all go. Please help.

Sorry just read your update on hrt. Definitely avoid that if you can after your history with it.

The magnesium I take is magnesium glycinate supplements. I take the nutrition geek brand as they don't bulk out their tablets with talc etc and it's all natural ingredients.

I also have a spray magnesium oil that I sometimes use on my legs when they are extra restless. My vitamin d3 is a spray mixed with k2, this helps the body absorb it more than just taking the tablet.

With skincare I've gone back to basics as my pores were all clogged and tired.

I wash using a bar of soap morning and night and I moisturise at night using plain old nivea. I use a tinted suncream during the day, either la rouche or elf and they both give a nice fresh glow and finish. I find foundation no longer sits on my wrinkles well and leaves me looking cakey and even more old!

So a lot of what you describe sounds like exhaustion - my eyelid does the twitch when tired and it’s always the left one too! And that adds to stress and you are in a negative cycle. And stress means everything else goes wrong - skin, weight etc

agree get checked out for any underlying issues

drop as much white carbs as possible - potatoes only with skins, whole grain rice and pasta with your dinner . replace or supplement the banana with nuts.

drink water not tea or coffee

have a notebook by your bed for any worries

blackout blinds

half term is coming up - cancel as much as possible except sorting out your dads future. You are a mum - do you expect your daughter to wear herself out looking after you when you get older ? Does he need to go into a home? If you were not there , would he be taken in?

quit ironing - how many other pointless jobs do you take on? Are you the default housemaid ? Just stop doing things that others should be doing and stop anything but the basics - rethink everything. The world doesn’t fall apart if windows are dirty or beds unmade

For reference - our housework takes half an hour between the 2 of us. Shopping can be done online then it’s half an hour on the list and half an hour unpacking. That’s not all weekend on my feet doing housework

I agree with pp that you should have a visit to the gp & get full bloods done. It sounds like you’ve got an awful lot going on but if you’re deficient in something it will make everything feel worse.
I recently found out I was very deficient in vitamin d & after taking a high dose for a few weeks (prescribed by gp) I feel like a different person. It’s a very easy step to take & can make a big difference.
Try to tackle each problem individually so you don’t feel overwhelmed trying to do it all at once.

You're feeling physically and mentally exhausted because all you do is work, look after other people (which is also part of your work!) and do things around the house. Get yourself out for a heart-rate raising walk in the fresh air after work, stick a podcast or some music on.....it'll feel like hard work but I guarantee you will feel better when you get back and you'll sleep better. You're doing a decent number of steps at work but it's not really intense enough to count as exercise and you should also be doing some weight bearing exercise to prevent against osteoporosis.
And take vitamin D daily because you're not outside much and that can help with aching joints.

I'm also on ramipril and 150mg of sertraline and my GP has okay'd the magnesium and vitamin D.

If you do have any concerns over supplements and possible reactions. Ask your GP for some advice and like others have suggested, they might offer you a full blood panel to see if there are any underlying issues. Good luck.

Clinical Pilates with a physiotherapist has been absolutely life changing for pain.

This dermatologist on Instagram has such helpful videos for different skin types and skin issues https://www.instagram.com/shereeneidriss?igsh=czljYzYwOWJiZ3d1

I hope you can find some things you love to do that are just for you when your daughter goes to University and look forward to a new and freer relationship with her as she gets older. Wishing you all the best with your Dad too, that’s so tough. Be kind to yourself 💕

I get it, I’m also a teacher and it is exhausting! I also don’t have a car (I can drive but I prefer to not!) so I walk to get buses or directly where I need to go, that might help? Make the list, it will give you something concrete to focus on.

a job I love (I’m a primary TA) but is very very stressful and terribly paid, my blood pressure is stupidly high (GP trying to get it under control), I constantly have pain across the top of my back (it actually hurts if I press on the back of my shoulders), my left eyelid has developed a twitch/flutter and I’m miserable as sin, I’ve no desire to do anything/go anywhere, I’m constantly tired

Lots of suggestions on here about looking after your health and appearance, but I think they will be just tinkering around the edges unless you address the real issue: stress due to your job.
My advice: pack in the job. It is not worth it.

If you need money, do something else that is low stress.
Better still, if you can do without the money then concentrate on your Dad instead.

When you are less stressed you will be sleeping better, your eye will stop twitching, and your shoulders will relax.
As suggested up thread, massage will help.