im not sure if im hurt or angry or just plain unreasonable

[mazie2024]

a bit of back story. my parents were awful growing up. every kind of abuse bar drugs. because my parents had money it was ignored by familly. it was 95% aimd at me because the familly disliked girls. i now see that as their problem not mine. on my 18th birthday my parents told us that the familly business had gone bankrupt. they owed a lot of money to bad people so we had to leave. my gran paid for the rent on a house. my brother and me went to work full time giving my parents all the money we earnt. told to take out multiple loans for them. the choice to say no wasnt there. it ended up with me in 25k plus in debt. not 1p was mine. my parents moved abroad telling me i wasnt going. this was a huge blessing. my salary was mine! it took me 10 years but i paid back every penny they had had. i got myself on my feet. they call again. its gone wrong. i bail them out with 10k id saved.
the relationship started to go better. they are my parents after all. i wanted to try.
it ended up with them living with me. dad helping around the house (he was now retired as was mum). mum paid for my eldest child to get private medical treatment i couldnt afford (around 3k).
after 5 years they said they wanted to start paying me back as much as they could afford. i took it! i had about 300 per month from them. not a lot considering what id given them and debt i was left in.
they did this because i fell on hard times. i married a man that sold the house id bought and left me homeless and in debt. i know how to choose people haha
5 years later im still not back on my feet. im strugging to find a house. my mum died 2 years ago. dad found out mum had done private pensions for my dad. he will be getting 90+k within the next 6 months. all the way through hed said to my brother and me that we would be given 15k each as a sorry for everything. hed live off the rest (he also gets a state pension and then the monthly private pension).
oh forgot the fact mum had been over paid by the dwp. i was forced to be the executor of her estate. meaning i was liable for her debts. it was 74k. i have 9500 left to pay.im lucky i earn an ok salary through all of this.
my father has said regarding the 15k each i am not getting what my brother is getting because he wants to keep money in his account. im allowed 7k. im at the point of saying pay it off on mums debt and never speak to me again.
its honestly not about the money. he knew i was buying a little field to start again on. its how i started over 20 years ago. he knows its not even close to being enough.
i dont know if im being ungreatful or right to feel so hurt. its nothing to do with the money. its more im feeling like a fool for allowing myself to belive he may do something that was nice. not to look like he was a fantastic father. genuinely nice. my older kids just said told you hed do this

No this is totally incorrect. They are not your debts. They are your mother’s debts. Either your father pays or they get wiped. They were in no circumstances yours

WHO told you. It’s just wrong. As everyone here is telling you. An executor is not personally responsible for paying debts

Yes, this seems likely to be what the OP refers to, euphemistically, as ‘extreme circumstances’, and the various references to her parents being abusive and involved with drugs, and ‘owing money to bad people’ so they had to move, then making their YA children take out multiple loans to fund them. The ‘debts’ are, I assume, owed to ‘bad people’, or as a consequence of tax evasion, or both.

I suspect they are if the executor is the deceased’s adult child, and the person they owe is Shifty the Loanshark who wants his money. Or indeed if HMRC has become aware of tax evasion.

It sounds like it's too late for this now but, in case it isn't, you can decline to be the executor. Did the professional you spoke to for advice tell you this?

Even if there's tax evasion, surely you can't be held responsible as the executor unless you directly profited from the tax evasion?

I’m assuming it’s as Father Ted said: ‘The money was just resting in my account!’

if you cant be nice say nothing. isnt that basic good manners. it seems youve avoided this here.
i honestly cant care what you or anyone else says or thinks about me. i achieved what i needed that day. to vent. i dont need validation or anything else from uneducated people victim blaming. no wonder so many dont come forward when there are people like you.
i dont see myself as a victim so happily talk about it all to make sure people feel more comfortable talking about abuse in the many and varied ways it happens.

if you disagree or dont believe you have every right too. i wont allow you the right to victim shame me. believe me or not. i dont care

no. i think she hid things so she had access to money if needed. it was in stocks, shares. but she kept no paper work for them. evidently theres an accountant that set it all up. its all legal. she was just protecting herself from my father i think. thats all i can think about.

actually you arent correct. i wish you were.

ive been told by 6 solicitors and the dwp that i am liable.
i wish i was wrong. i did try and fight this for the first 6 months. im pretty fought out tbh so just paid up and shut up

i didnt know that at the time. i was led to believe once youve been allocated you legally have too. im never doing it again

all paper work i had access too and could find said mum had the 100 i put inot her account and debts. the debts havent been paid just over payments from the dwp. because what i believed was mum had nothing else that what i said. im still trying to find what ever else it is the dwp believe to exist

it was because mum was over paid by the dwp. she then had 100 i put into her account. they are saying she has assets somewhere else. theres no paperwork to support that. and im searching for it if it exists. i hope it does to pay me back if thats doable.
i did everything as i was told to do by the solicitor guiding me.

its not cash in a bank account. ive contacted all the major banks to confirm that. if theres something its possibly stocks and shares. there wasnt any paper work to support this. but its all i can think of. im searching. all i can think is if there is something and i find it after its all paid back its a nice lump sum.

This is just utter nonsense. If they think there is more money somewhere they have to tell you where. Nobody can give you proper advice when what you are writing can’t be true, sorry OP

If there is no will you can’t be the executor.
If you were the executor,which you can’t be, you still wouldn’t be liable to pay your parents debts.

How can you be executor of a will that doesn’t exist?

This isnt true at all OP! I have literally just helped my grandad deal with this when my gran passed away. The DWP paid her benefits as usual but in error after her death and being notified. A letter was sent to my grandad about the overpayments and both of us were told when we rang them to pay that payments towards this overpayment will only be accepted from a deceased's estate and not out of someone else's pocket. My Grandad was her legal next of kin and they wouldn't even accept a payment back from him. They said its a legal requirement that they notify you of the overpayment incase there is an estate but they can not enforce a repayment that is otherwise not from the named person.

Edited to add- we did not once have to prove an estate did not exist for this either. So if the DWP are saying there is an estate then surely they would have evidenced that in dispute for you to have to make these payments back.

This is all nonsense and not right, and you arguing that it is…I just don’t get it.

1. no will = no executor
2. if you are the executor and distributed the finances but got it wrong by not paying taxes etc, YOU can be held responsible
3. if someone else has debts, THEY are responsible for them, and the debt is paid out of their estate or dies with them if it can’t be paid
4. if you took the money from the accounts before paying the debts and settling the estate properly, you can be held liable - but this is only up to the value of assets in the estate

and let’s be honest, you haven’t been to see 6 solicitors. Do you enjoy making random stuff up, or do you believe what you are saying here is the truth?

@Boreded Don't forget the OP also "owns houses all over Europe" but is broke, homeless and in debt.

Maybe it is one for each of the personalities she is portraying

Who told you to pay it? The debts get paid first before any money gets left to your dad or anyone else.

OP you need to get some proper legal advice here. Being an executor to a will doesn't mean you're responsible for your mother's debts... This makes no sense