How much does your partner do around the house?

GotToWearShades · 15/05/2025 17:27

DH of 30+ years has always done all dusting, vacuuming, bathroom and kitchen cleaning. Washing up and some shopping. Only exceptions being when he's away for work. When DC was little he did drop offs and I did pick ups.

Neither of us is very good at DIY, I'm slightly better so I take lead including on organising trades people. But it would be fair to say he's the higher earner and is happy to have me spend his/our money where I deem necessary.

I do most of cooking, washing and shopping. We share gardening.

thrive25 · 15/05/2025 17:27

It’s possible your partner does v little as sees it being your responsibility if you own the home?

LilDeVille · 15/05/2025 17:28

Dishwasher every day
Bins
Most kid bedtimes
Half dinner
Most tidying
About half the washing
All the finances
All the holiday booking

There must be more but he probably does more than me tbh so that’s pretty bloody good. He can get stuff done while he works whereas I can’t.

Both of us do:
No gardening
No DIY

WallaceinAnderland · 15/05/2025 17:29

The same as me. He probably does more cooking and DIY.

UmopapIsdn · 15/05/2025 17:35

Everything but the cooking.

LilDeVille · 15/05/2025 17:42

Also I need to link this thread on that recent thread which was 20 pages of people absolutely furiously adamant that the word ‘they’ is NEVER used to refer to a single person. Ah, Mumsnet…

faerietales · 15/05/2025 17:44

He does all the garden, maintenance and DIY - and there's a lot of the latter two as we bought a "fixer upper" that needs regular work. He also does the bins and sorts the recycling.

I do all the grunt work involved for our animals (three cats and a dog) though he walks the dog at weekends and during the week if he's off.

We each cook for ourselves (both ND with very different eating habits) and do our own washing up and shopping. We each do our own laundry.

I do all the vacuuming and will clean the kitchen and bathroom, but that's mainly because I work fewer hours and leave for work later, so I have more time.

We don't have DC.

AllWhitNoWhoo · 15/05/2025 17:49

If you are live in partners, then it should be around 50/50, subject to working hours and child caring.

Don't move with them as you'd just have the same problem but in a bigger house.

It's rare for an otherwise perfect partner to behave like this, so I'm expecting there are a lot more problems too.

Cabbagefamily · 15/05/2025 18:16

Most of it. All shopping and cooking. Most cleaning and hoovering. Most DIY like painting and decorating.

Hatty65 · 15/05/2025 18:22

He sounds a dead loss. You like it nice so you SHOULD do everything? And it would be stressful for him to move? Come on, you're worth more than this idiot.

Chuck him out and see how stressful he finds that. At the moment you are a nanny with a fanny.

My DH of 25 years does all gardening/maintenance/heavy work and is pretty handy. He puts the bins out. I cook, he clears up (I like cooking). He doesn't notice dust/mess necessarily, but is fairly tidy and if you ask him to do something he is obligingly cheerful about doing it. Eg, it doesn't appear to occur to him that the bathroom needs cleaning/loo needs scrubbing (ever). But if you say, 'Can you clean the loo please?' he'll say, 'Sure, no problem' and do a decent job of it. He was great with the kids when they were little and is still their go to person for taxi/car mending/DIY at their house

MsNevermore · 15/05/2025 18:26

Right now I’m back to being a SAHM, DH works full time in a job with some incredibly unsociable hours and up to 48 hours on call at a time…..
So naturally I do the vast majority of the household chores day to day, simply because I’m at home to do them 🤷🏻‍♀️
But he absolutely pulls his weight when he’s home. Most days I cook, so he cleans up the kitchen and loads the dishwasher. He deals with the bins. Anything garden/DIY related he does, I just water my potted plants in the garden.
On weekends when we are all home, he’ll happily vacuum, mop hard floors, put a load of laundry on, fold a load of clean laundry etc
He’s also very hands-on with the DCs.

GOODCAT · 15/05/2025 18:29

He does most of it as he is at home a lot more. When we are both at home we both do whatever is needed together. I do the laundry though.

Daffodilsarefading · 15/05/2025 18:30

Dh does all the cooking and food shopping. I do most of the washing up and putting away, but dh does this on his days off too.
We both do hoovering and dusting and cleaning.
I do clean the bathrooms more.
We both do laundry and ironing but I prefer to iron my clothes as I’m quite particular and enjoy ironing.
I do most of the gardening but dh does all the diy jobs in the garden such as drilling things onto the fence or putting in outside plugs.
Dh does more diy in general.
I do more decorating.
We both sort things like car insurance, house insurance MOT.

Whiteflowerscreed · 15/05/2025 18:31

OP he sounds rubbish!

husband does:
all DIY
most gardening eg mowing
all car stuff eg MOT, most fuel refuels
dishwasher load and unload (shared)
washing up (shared)
cooking (sometimes)
his own laundry

I am sahm, I do:
most cooking
all kids and bedsheet laundry
all Food shopping and meal planning
bathroom cleaning
hoovering and occasional mopping
dusting
bulk of childcare

Parker231 · 15/05/2025 18:32

We outsource the gardening, cleaning and house maintenance but everything else - home - cooking, shopping, birthday and Christmas preparations, laundry etc and the DC’s are a 50:50 split.

Aimtodobetter · 15/05/2025 18:33

Doughnutforme762829 · 15/05/2025 17:20

This includes DIY, cleaning and maintenance. Mine is not really interested and doesn't do any maintenance at all. It all falls to me to notice it and then deal with it. They say that I'm the one who likes the house looking nice so I should do it?

I also own the home, and I'd like to buy somewhere together, but they keep saying that a house move would be too stressful for them. We have an almost 3 yr old together and the house is tiny so a move would be good for all of us.

So you’re his landlord and cleaner but from the sounds of it he doesn’t pay rent?

ViciousCurrentBun · 15/05/2025 18:39

He has always done almost all maintenance and DIY except we have shared decorating. He is just better at it than me though we did build a shed together when I was pregnant. I did do stuff like demolish the water tank. We shared childcare he actually had more flexibility at work, I almost never dropped children off at school so missed the school run entirely and left him to it, I got permission to start work very early.

He has always done the laundry more than me, housework was quite even. I have always done almost all the cooking as I like it.

TragicMuse · 15/05/2025 18:45

He does pretty much all of it.

I feel your post isn’t really about housework though. It’s not about washing up, it’s about his total lack of input to your shared home or commitment to your future by taking on a shared financial commitment or contributing to the care and maintenance of the family home.

And, to me, that sounds like he’s leaching off you.

Naturallyb · 02/09/2025 07:40

I've just joined. This is a test post before I post my real question.

GameOfJones · 02/09/2025 07:47

DH is great and definitely pulls his weight.

He does all of the washing up.

Half of childcare e.g. we alternate school runs, bedtimes, taking DDs to their clubs etc.

All of the DIY.

Half of the cleaning. We both pitch in with whatever needs doing.

I do all of the cooking and food shopping, and most of the laundry. I also do all of the gardening
But I work part time so it feels fair that I do slightly more in that regard.

Naturallyb · 02/09/2025 08:59

I've recently joined mumsnet. I have two questions and wanted to start with this one.

When going away with friends for a weekend, does anyone seek permission or tell their partner they are going. I tell, have been going for over 15 years but my partner would like me to seek permission.

ClaredeBear · 02/09/2025 09:08

All of the DIY and maintenance and then some, including carpentry and building, clothes and dishes washing, cooking meals and general stuff that keep us going. He’s very proactive. His weak areas are ironing (I get the iron out around once every six months) and he’s not great with cleaning, though will do it if asked. He cannot sort through things and have a tidy out.

ClaredeBear · 02/09/2025 09:09

Naturallyb · 02/09/2025 08:59

I've recently joined mumsnet. I have two questions and wanted to start with this one.

When going away with friends for a weekend, does anyone seek permission or tell their partner they are going. I tell, have been going for over 15 years but my partner would like me to seek permission.

you can start a new post for this 😊 this is a post about division of household chores and maintenance.

ClaredeBear · 02/09/2025 09:12

TragicMuse · 15/05/2025 18:45

He does pretty much all of it.

I feel your post isn’t really about housework though. It’s not about washing up, it’s about his total lack of input to your shared home or commitment to your future by taking on a shared financial commitment or contributing to the care and maintenance of the family home.

And, to me, that sounds like he’s leaching off you.

Yes, I’d agree with this analysis. There’s a lack of investment and the mental load falls to OP. I think this thread will attract responses from lots of people who share the load, so it’s diff out to tell if that’s “normal”.

VenusClapTrap · 02/09/2025 09:30

Neither of us do that stuff because we both dislike it, so we outsource it. Dh does all the cooking and food shopping, and I do laundry, garden, kid admin and car related stuff. I also do all the outsourcing admin - booking/paying cleaners, decorators, tree surgeons what have you.

We are both happy with how we split things, and if there are gripes, which sometimes there are, then we discuss them. If you’re not happy, and feel things are unequal, then you need to talk about it and come to a solution. That’s what marriage is - you’re a partnership and you have to discuss and negotiate how you manage the home and family.