Dad wanting to see child

[CheeryAzureOtter]

So my child’s father over the weekend made someone lie to me to get my number Me thinking that someone else I gave my number over and then I spoke to him for the first time in 3 1/2 years. I was in a shock. But I did keep it mature just because I literally couldn’t even speak. Anyways, I have actually blocked the number now and changed my number. But I’m just looking for some advice really.
He basically said that he wants to start seeing my son when my son doesn’t know him. He left my son when he was three weeks old. Me and him were never together but I felt pregnant. My pregnancy was awful because of him. I gave him a choice to just leave and I wouldn’t be mad because it was my choice to keep him, et cetera.
Anyways, throughout my pregnancy, I found out he was doing crack cocaine, I did a Claire laws on him. And he came back awful if I’m completely honest including allegation of *ape but never went further as happened in another country from the Class law social services ended up coming out to me. But everything was okay my end it was his end. Anyways, he’s never had contact with my son. He’s never asked for a photo of him. He’s never sent money for him. He’s literally done nothing for him, he’s actually moved to Tenerife and he actually has someone to live with him that is on the run for beating up a woman. Now his girlfriend wished me a stillborn. ( I never knew they were a thing till 3 weeks before my due date) she said some nasty things to me that I would never be able to get over. She tells me she hates my son. (When he was a new born) after my son was born he began to get really nasty and I am generally really scared of him. I ended up calling the police because he said he was going to steal my child away from me and see how I like it ect, the police did nothing they said unless he does something we can’t help. Anyways, I have moved from where I used to live so he doesn’t actually know where I live, but he probably knows the area. He’s saying that he wants to start paying me as to see his son he said he would fly out to Tenerife. I do not want to be anywhere near him. And my son, he has no idea what a dad is. He is only 3 1/2. My son struggles with change a lot and has a severe speech delay. The dad is not on the birth certificate but I’m just worried I don’t know how it works. It feels to take me to court being abroad. I just know he’s such an unfit father I know he still does drugs., he has a dodgy Call Centre. My head is so messed up right now because of all of this and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if it’s a thing of I wanna see my son and then forget about him for another three years or it’s on a serious level and I’m terrified.

He doesn't have parental rights so he'd have to prove a legal right to see him in the courts. You don't have to allow access because he's changed his mind Op, wait and see if he bothers to take legal steps.

He said he is going to take me to court and take my son away and got so nasty and said he is going to take him will get full custody and live in Tenerife with him. This man is so unsteady I don’t know what to do . I don’t know if it’s all rubbish or he is actually gonna go to court

He can’t take your son from you, he can’t get full custody.
He'd need to start at the beginning in the Court process to get any sort of access.
He sounds like yet another abusive man trying to get his own way, never heard of one being successful.

You could possibly see a family law solicitor . They usually give the first hour of advice for free in the hope that should you need them you will instruct them at a later date.
Have you a good family / friend support network ?

Ignore his empty threats about taking your child away. Block him and say nothing. If he wants to see your child he needs to apply to court and he will have a risk assessment. Do you have evidence in writing of all his risks?

He thinks if he threatens you with taking your DC you'll let have his own way out of fear Op. You can't stop him going to the courts but they'd have to see access as being in the DC interest, no way would he get custody.

Have a chat to https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/ OP and learn your rights.

I’m hoping it’s empty threats. This man has caused me so much anxiety. Just pops out of no where demanding to see my child & not once even ask about him or anything then turns completely nasty the amount of abuse I got; I contacted a few people but not much I can do untill and if I get anything from him. Just praying nothing comes through because I fear for myself & my child.

Surly this would be a lot considering he doesn’t even live in the uk???

have you spoken to Women's Aid and police about him? I agree you need to lawyer up. And if you child has a passport hide it and if they don't get one and hide it.

I contacted legal age and they passed me a number on but I contacted the people and they said until paperwork is through. They can’t give me any advice. I don’t think you’ll be able to get full custody, he’s not on the birth certificate, but obviously he can apply for a parental order, but surely that’s a lot of work for when he’s not even in the country, he has violence on his criminal record as well as an accusation of rape. His current girlfriend has sent me pictures before of her head being cracked open by him and a blackeye. Surely that would be a safeguarding concern already.

Keep all messages from him as evidence of his behaviour incase he does follow through and take you to court

I have all messages going back from before I was even pregnant. I’ve kept everything so I just had a feeling that this could possibly happen in the future. I just don’t understand why now caused all of this. You’re not even in the country my son doesn’t even know you and you didn’t even want my child. Like how does he even expect to have a relationship with him and he doesn’t live in the country and he knows I do not trust him at all. His intentions aren’t good I’m just so anxious I haven’t been able to eat for days now, can’t stop crying with worry

you need to speak to women's aid then see a lawyer who can hopefully apply for legal aid for you.

How will women’s aid help me x

they help women who are victims of abuse? And if you have had social services involvement too then what makes you think he could even get contact.

You need to lawyer up.

I get that you're panicked. But ultimately there are a fair few (= lots) of steps he'd remotely have to go through to start this process. All of which will cost him money and time.

Firstly he'd have to consult a solicitor to find you so he could then ask for you to recognise he's his father.
You could deny that, so it's solicitor again and he'd have to go to court to get a DNA test ordered.
DNA test proves he is. He asks for access you say no.
He asks for mediation. You say no citing all the abuse he has dished out.
Hes back in court asking for access. It will be slow and steady built up. He'd have to prove he's reliable. So regular little and often visits. But he lives abroad so how will he manage that.
He can't just go to taking your son to Tenerife. That won't happen. It would be a very decent while until he built up overnights. And that's only likely once he had proven him being stable and holding contact regularly.

I'd wait for the solicitors letter and until then forget about him. It's going to cost him a lot to do this. He's threatening you in the hope you just give in.

Try not to worry too much yet if possible. Deadbeats often pop up wanting a reaction when they're either bored or trying to do the sad dad routine to get someone to feel sorry for them. Very unlikely he can actually be bothered doing the hard work to take you to court and get access. My exh pulls these stunts once or twice a year, six years later and he still hasn't bothered doing anything about it. Block, ignore, change your number until anything official happens (which it almost certainly won't).

He can take you to court to get contact if he’s on the birth certificate

He isn’t on the birth certificate for this reason

I don’t think he would get custody because he is so unstable and my child has a normal happy life with me. But I’m worried if he gets visitation because I know he has no good intentions. I’m so so worried. I just hope it’s all just words and no actions.

I really hope this is the case for me. He has never mentioned court before so it’s put me on edge. I blocked him straight away came off social media too. And changed my number

custody is really not a thing - it is shared care now. he would have to get on the bc first, which would involve him going to court. But as this man is a rapist and SS have been involved previously and advised you not to go near him I suppose? what makes you think he would 'win custody'. I mean it is ridiculous. His empty threat has no basis. On what possible grounds does he think he can run you down to such an extent that a judge would award him the child?

These abusers threaten all sorts. my ex threatened same and said not a judge in the land would stop him seeing his children. 14 years later i am still waiting for him to take me to court. DC have finished Uni and left home so I feel the ship has sailed on that one.

Yes, so when I was pregnant, social services came out because I did declare law and he accusation of right that happened in another country but he didn’t get charged as it happens in another country that makes sense but social services concern so that’s why they came out to me and they said that we couldn’t be in a relationship so surely that would stand in court wouldn’t it? Is it a case that I can contact social services about this situation?

If he isn’t in the country then I wouldn’t panic.
But if your child has a passport I would google the Government advice to stop him being taken out of the country. I would also make a report with social services recording his threats and his past. And I would make sure any nurseries or schools will know to only hand your child to select individuals and that he doesn’t have PR.