Dad wanting to see child

[CheeryAzureOtter]

So my child’s father over the weekend made someone lie to me to get my number Me thinking that someone else I gave my number over and then I spoke to him for the first time in 3 1/2 years. I was in a shock. But I did keep it mature just because I literally couldn’t even speak. Anyways, I have actually blocked the number now and changed my number. But I’m just looking for some advice really.
He basically said that he wants to start seeing my son when my son doesn’t know him. He left my son when he was three weeks old. Me and him were never together but I felt pregnant. My pregnancy was awful because of him. I gave him a choice to just leave and I wouldn’t be mad because it was my choice to keep him, et cetera.
Anyways, throughout my pregnancy, I found out he was doing crack cocaine, I did a Claire laws on him. And he came back awful if I’m completely honest including allegation of *ape but never went further as happened in another country from the Class law social services ended up coming out to me. But everything was okay my end it was his end. Anyways, he’s never had contact with my son. He’s never asked for a photo of him. He’s never sent money for him. He’s literally done nothing for him, he’s actually moved to Tenerife and he actually has someone to live with him that is on the run for beating up a woman. Now his girlfriend wished me a stillborn. ( I never knew they were a thing till 3 weeks before my due date) she said some nasty things to me that I would never be able to get over. She tells me she hates my son. (When he was a new born) after my son was born he began to get really nasty and I am generally really scared of him. I ended up calling the police because he said he was going to steal my child away from me and see how I like it ect, the police did nothing they said unless he does something we can’t help. Anyways, I have moved from where I used to live so he doesn’t actually know where I live, but he probably knows the area. He’s saying that he wants to start paying me as to see his son he said he would fly out to Tenerife. I do not want to be anywhere near him. And my son, he has no idea what a dad is. He is only 3 1/2. My son struggles with change a lot and has a severe speech delay. The dad is not on the birth certificate but I’m just worried I don’t know how it works. It feels to take me to court being abroad. I just know he’s such an unfit father I know he still does drugs., he has a dodgy Call Centre. My head is so messed up right now because of all of this and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if it’s a thing of I wanna see my son and then forget about him for another three years or it’s on a serious level and I’m terrified.

you can contact SS yes but you should also contact WA, police and a lawyer.

OP, you can relax for a while.

First he would have to go to court and ask to be added to your child's birth certificate. If you didn't agree, he would have to take a dna test. It all takes time and costs money.

Having proved he is the biological father, he would then need to go back to court to request access. The court will always act in the child's interests so would look at the circumstances, including the fact he walked away, has had no contact for years, moved to another country and has contributed nothing to your son's upkeep.

Please keep copies of all the threats. Also write down everything you can remember about his drug use, any criminal convictions, domestic abuse etc. Anything from his girlfriend too. It will all work against him.

Your son is very young and doesn't know him, so the most he could hope for is short supervised visits in the UK. If he doesn't turn up for those, (and he won't), he won't get anything else. He certainly won't get custody, and won't be allowed to remove your child from the UK.

Please try not to worry. Ignore his threats, lock your child's passport away somewhere secure and get on with your summer. I'd bet the farm it won't go any further.

I’m going to contact social services & womens aid on Monday & my health visitor too as she’s aware of him , just full of worry

If he’s not on the birth certificate then he would first have to apply to the court for permission to make a child arrangements order application. And he’d have to demonstrate that it would be in the child’s best interest to do so.

Just hoping he doesn’t go through with it. I don’t get it & I don’t understand why. He told me to get a good solicitor ect. And was saying he is drug free ect I don’t know if it’s bs. I’m just so stressed out. I’m so scared for my son. It’s just not fair. How someone can do this 3.5 years down the line , considering you moved country. Thank you for taking your time to message me back. I’m trying to stay calm like really trying to chill out, but it’s just in my brain constantly. And I just don’t wanna go through all of this because I have such bad anxiety.

One thing you must remember OP, is that solicitors letters are usually full of total rubbish. Your ex can pay a solicitor to say all sorts of things but none of them need be true. Remember a solicitor is just a person being paid by your ex, and is on your ex's side. He has no legal influence.

Don't believe a word a solicitor says, unless it is checked by your solicitor

He doesn’t sound like the kind who is committed enough to go through a lengthy court process which he will have to pay for and will involve him flying back to the uk. He sounds the type to throw his weight around and make threats to try and control and manipulate you in to giving him what he wants but who will eventually move on to someone else when he realises you’re not vulnerable.
To improve your case in the event of him
going to court though there’s a few things you can do. Firstly ring social services and say you’re concerned because he poses a risk (as a result of domestic abuse) and to ask what you should do as you don’t want him to have contact. They will say do nothing other than keep denying him contact and if he wants contact he will have to go to court but they’ll be a record that you’ve been a protective parent by asking for advice. Secondly complete the freedom programme online, or even better at your local children’s centre. This will give you really good knowledge about domestic abuse which in the event of a court case will help you argue him having only minimal fully supervised contact. Thirdly follow legallynik on insta as she has loads of helpful content.

Stop spiralling. You'll probably never hear from him again. If you do get legal advice.
And be careful who you give your number to in future.

Never heard anything so is it bs????

Yep. Just trying to exercise any power he might have left over you with hollow threats.