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Original poster

Has anyone actually LTB after posting on Mumsnet?

41 replies

Nicecuppatea2025 · 14/05/2025 21:05

Interested to know if anyone has actually LTB after posting and receiving advice on Mumsnet? I read so many threads on here when everyone’s urging the OP to leave / escape / kick their partner to the curb … but has anyone ever then acted on it?

Apologies if this question has been asked a million times before!

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 14/05/2025 21:39

A good MN (and now RL) friend did.

pilates · 14/05/2025 21:39

I’ve often wondered this

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 14/05/2025 21:45

Yes, there have been many threads over the years where posters have started a thread to update and thank mners for their help and support and have said that they were able to escape their awful or abusive relationship and that posting had helped them

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Midnight19 · 14/05/2025 21:46

Yes, decided to separate and everyone knows. However, we are still living together waiting on his rented accommodation to become available.

endofthelinefinally · 14/05/2025 21:47

Yes if you read the relationships board there are loads.

TitaniumTess · 14/05/2025 21:55

Meeeeeee! :)

Very grateful for MN advice x

Original poster
Nicecuppatea2025 · 14/05/2025 23:35

Amazing @TitaniumTess and @Midnight19, and congratulations to your friend, @SheilaFentiman. Hope all doing well.

After some of the threads recently that have been so shocking … just good to hear there are success stories!

OP posts:
Englishsummerblues · 15/05/2025 00:58

It came into my decision making, yes. I think reading the replies in black and white from non- invested parties helped me to see the relationship was messed up beyond repair.

PeanutsandBananas · 15/05/2025 01:03

I hadn’t posted at the time I was going through the issues, but I did make the decision to leave based on reading about very similar situations. Other people’s stories shone a light on my situation and gave me the strength to go (and more importantly didn’t go back when that was offered as an option by ex).

Bigfatsunandclouds · 15/05/2025 01:31

Yes.

Bigfatsunandclouds · 15/05/2025 01:33

The advice was brutal at the time as my ex was abusive, but the 'you're damaging your children' comments really impacted me, even though I knew it, I needed someone to say it to me bluntly! MN did not disappoint.

Tarkan · 15/05/2025 01:37

PeanutsandBananas · 15/05/2025 01:03

I hadn’t posted at the time I was going through the issues, but I did make the decision to leave based on reading about very similar situations. Other people’s stories shone a light on my situation and gave me the strength to go (and more importantly didn’t go back when that was offered as an option by ex).

Exactly the same for me. I’d been so worn down over the years I put up with a ridiculous amount of crap “for the sake of the kids”. It was reading others’ stories on MN that somehow helped me find the strength to kick him out.

I’m now 7 years happily married and while DH isn’t perfect and drives me completely crazy at times (and to be fair I’m also not perfect - DH calls me Muffin after the character in Bluey 🙈), we have an amazing relationship and he’s been a wonderful stepfather.

Their dad on the other hand slowly moved further and further away, usually moving in with new girlfriends. He’s now an hour and a half away, DC are 21 and 17 and he hasn’t seen them once this year and I think he’s only seen them 3-4 times over the last two years. Both DC often refer to their stepdad just as their dad to people now which isn’t something I ever expected them to do.

ArtemisiaTheArtist · 15/05/2025 01:45

Mn posts from other OPs made me realise how bad a situation I was in. It also put me onto Women's Aid who said I was definitely being abused. Time went on because I wasn't in a good position to leave, but he outdid himself one day (details are outing) and then tried to gaslight DD & me. Because I'd grown to recognise what he was doing I just snapped and said, enough. He didn't think I would go through with it but I did and filed for divorce as soon as I was able. So yes, although Mn didn't directly help me after posting I did learn a lot from the community and from Women's charities. So thank you.

Fishergirl · 15/05/2025 04:42

Yes I am currently going through a divorce after reading the replies I got from sharing my own situation.

Lurkingandlearning · 15/05/2025 05:09

Every now and again, among the LTB posts, someone will write from an adult child’s perspective and say they are glad their parents divorced or wished they had. Though few, they endorse the view that two happy homes are better than one miserable one. Those posts might help posters with their decision too.

That wasn’t your question, I know, but I wonder if those posts have reassured people in the way the posts giving empathy and practical advice do

Skibbidirizzohio · 15/05/2025 05:28

It took a few years but yes I did.

Init4thecatz · 15/05/2025 05:58

Although conversely, there are many threads where a man does something relatively benign and she's still told to LTB. I'd be interested to see how many regrets there are over leaving too.

It's so easy to plant that seed of doubt. He's working late, he must be cheating... or 'that would give me the ick'. Once you see them differently, it's very hard to go back, too.

Highlighta · 15/05/2025 06:15

Absolutely yes.

In a bad situation you really are in a bubble and can't see the woods for the trees a lot of the time.

It is very helpful to have opinions from complete strangers who can give opinions on pure facts and no emotional involvement.

My final push to end my abusive marriage was because of the advice I got here.

Whattodo2024 · 15/05/2025 06:19

Yes I did!

DressingGown · 15/05/2025 06:24

Yes. And I am forever grateful for the support I received on here. My life is immeasurably better for it too.

Stardream27 · 15/05/2025 06:32

I'm at the other end of the telescope (if that's a thing?!). Me and DH are going through a rocky patch. He is happy if we do exactly what he wants. My eyes are now open to it as a pattern or behaviours and I can't unsee it...

Cue lots of long conversations that go nowhere as he can't see my problem as a we are living the life he wants and he won't discuss any changes as he wants things to stay exactly as they are as they suit him.

I'm questioning where I want to live and what I want to do in 5, 10, 15 years and I'm feeling like I'll be unfulfilled if the response I get is "no, I don't want to do that". He's telling me now that so I'd be a mug if I think that will ever change.

And for the record, it's not unreasonable dreams. Things like, could we get a dog? Could we live somewhere more rural? Could we live nearer my family after a decade of being on the same street as his? Things that might not happen but it'd feel more like a loving marriage if they were entertained rather than just dismissed with "I will NEVER live in X", "I will never let a dog in the house" and shutting down the conversation.

But is that enough to leave someone? He's definitely not a bastard! When we are in the day to day we have some nice times and he is genuinely caring...

But do I "LTB", tear our family apart, co parent, set up a new house, just because I'd like a different life in my slightly older years? Or at least someone who listens and is willing to compromise on SOMETHING?

Sorry for hijacking thread! I'd love thoughts :)

Highlighta · 15/05/2025 06:33

Init4thecatz · 15/05/2025 05:58

Although conversely, there are many threads where a man does something relatively benign and she's still told to LTB. I'd be interested to see how many regrets there are over leaving too.

It's so easy to plant that seed of doubt. He's working late, he must be cheating... or 'that would give me the ick'. Once you see them differently, it's very hard to go back, too.

I do agree this happens, and it may well be a catalyst to an okay relationship ending. There is a bit of a theme of some posters replying ltb to any post.

But there are times when there is a post which seems quite menial, but in fact the seemingly small thing they will be posting about, could just be the cherry on the top of all the other major issues.

GraceUnderPresure · 15/05/2025 06:33

Yes, I posted years ago about finding a hotel booking ExH had made which I was 99% sure wasn't for me. The replies & support I had from MN helped me through confronting, and then divorcing the cheating liar.

GRCP · 15/05/2025 06:41

Daisy May Cooper did!

DropOfffArtiste · 15/05/2025 06:45

Yes I did. Best thing I've ever done.