Has anyone actually LTB after posting on Mumsnet?

[Nicecuppatea2025]

Interested to know if anyone has actually LTB after posting and receiving advice on Mumsnet? I read so many threads on here when everyone’s urging the OP to leave / escape / kick their partner to the curb … but has anyone ever then acted on it?

Apologies if this question has been asked a million times before!

It certainly helped me reinforce my decision. I was very grateful to get the opinion of other women and to get some valuable advice. It didn’t make me leave him as such by posting here, but it gave me the courage to get out of an awful marriage with an awful man. My children and I are so happy now and I’m not sure I would have done it without the kind words and help of strangers.
It sometimes annoys me here when a woman is posting about her marriage situation and she wants to leave etc and posters will come along saying you’ve posted about this before (in a negative way) and be critical about that, but I posted a few times about my situation because I was scared and just needed the reassurance of other women. Tbh, I’ll always be grateful for the help and support I received here and not sure I would have left my husband without it. I left with nothing and no idea how I was going to pay my bills, but it’s worked out fine

Yes twice although I think I was already in the LTB wavelength and MN confirmed that it was the correct decision. One long and one short relationship.

Sort of. Under previous name (where I was more of a lurker than a poster) I did wonder whether to go back, yet again. But after reading posts and advice about other similar situations and recognising the harmful behaviour of my ex it was a lightbulb moment. It’s astonishing and worrying how many posters were in pretty much identical situations to mine. Prompted lots of research, conversations and self reflection about how much I enabled/accepted. And it was a lot.

Recognised that he never actually cared, I was just convenient to string along, and he would never prioritise me because he just wasn’t that into me. Hard to accept but necessary to moving on. I didn’t go back and not unexpectedly he’s never been in contact. Why would he, I meant nothing to him. That’s all the closure I needed to confirm my decision.

The problem in your relationship is that your husband doesn’t listen to you, isn’t willing to compromise and only considers his own wants and needs.
That is a very significant problem to have. You both need to compromise or at least discuss these things to have a healthy relationship.
You need to tell him as much, if you haven’t already.
Say what you’ve said here. If he won’t take that on board, then it is perfectly reasonable to consider leaving him.
If you are too afraid to talk to him and say exactly what you feel for fear that he will shut you down or that there will be negative consequences, then that is a big indicator that the relationship is not healthy.

Yes

The support i got from MN pretty much saved my life! I was suicidal in a horribly abusive marriage.

Thank you, anonymous, wise women.

Yes! Although it took a few years. MN helped me realise the life I was living was not normal.

Yes, indirectly. I did not post about my relationship at the time, but reading about other people's situations in the Relationships board helped me realise what was right and wrong in my own marriage, and that I needed to leave. It did take me far longer than I should have to leave, in retrospect, but I am grateful for the advice on this site to help me come to that conclusion.

He's definitely not a bastard! When we are in the day to day we have some nice times and he is genuinely caring...

That's what keeps you there @Stardream27 . You say he won't even discuss any potential changes. Are you allowed any choices? Can you choose what meal the family has or does it have to be something he likes, no matter who cooks it? Are you 'allowed' to wear what you like or do you find yourself getting changed after a subtle opinion when he's seen what you're wearing?

It's good that you can already see the pattern, there's often an awful lot more once you're able to have the headspace to see their behaviour for what it is.

FWIW, I was similar. I thought we had good times in between the lack of choice I had. I thought I was happy enough most of the time. I now realise what a load I was carrying.

Having said that I'm not trying to encourage you to LTB, it would be great if your husband would at the very least talk about meeting you half way, that would be a start, if you feel safe to broach it

Yes! Anyfucker gave me the courage to get out of an abusive relationship. I hadn’t realised how abusive it was or the effect that it was having on myself or my children which sounds ridiculous now. I needed to be told and I’m forever grateful.

It is a pity AF doesn't post anymore. I got some good harsh words too, but ones that deep down I knew were true, but swept under the carpet.

This was 12 years ago. It took me a few years to action things, but it they were 2 years of realizing that how I was living, was really not good. I needed the eye opener but I also needed that time to process.

I used this space for a lot of support over those two years, and after the split as well. I see some of those posters pop up now and then, and I often thank them silently.

Yes, I did.

I posted about a really horrid experience with domestic violence, multiple affairs etc etc.
I left, it was Mumsnet that really got me through it. It's recent still and I have a long way to go but the support was amazing. There were a few posters shooting daggers at me as to why I didn't leave sooner, even though I was battling cancer and had a toddler. But the overwhelming support gave me a huge push to leave.

Same here. 🤍

I’m so glad to hear so many of you got out. I’ve been posting on here for years under various names and I sort of gave up because I thought it didn’t make a difference ❤️

Yes, I did. Best decision I ever made. Was so far down his rabbit hole that I literally didn't see what was right under my nose. It was down to the wisdom of MNetters that I finally twigged that he was actually abusive. Forever grateful!

I took so much from other people's posts and the responses they got. You really just never know how one small comment can help another person who may be going through something similar, but was too afraid to post.

It takes some bravery to make a post when you are feeling that low. One snide or awful response can set you back so much.

So I lurked. A lot.