Today my husband I was really worried and anxious about something I have coming up, his response…just don’t worry about it …

[GrumpyCatHasFleas]

i love him
but struggle with his low emotial intelligence

j know I can talk to friends and family about things, but it would be nice to be able to get more from him

I think a lot of men are like this tbh

It's a man thing. They don't understand because they literally just don't worry about it.

Edited to say that's my experience of men I know, before someone comes to tell me off for generalising.

Well - is anything to be gained by worrying about it? I’m a worrier bit I also know that most of our worries aren’t worries.

Mine is like this - 'just don't worry' and 'it'll be fine' are 2 things I often hear when I'm worrying about something. His other great bit of advice when I complain I can't sleep (perimenopausal insomnia) is to 'just close your eyes'. The man's a genius.

Tell me you don’t have anxiety without telling me you don’t have anxiety…🤣🤦‍♀️

So will worrying help you?

About as much as telling someone not to worry.

It's perfectly normal to worry and feel anxious about things, but what would be more helpful is having someone to talk things through with to get some perspective or come up with solutions that will ease the worry. 'Just don't worry' does none of that.

Mine acts perplexed re my generalised anxiety disorder. Whilst he has had occasional moments of worry, he does not think he has ever experienced anxiety. I have very bad driving anxiety at the moment, his advice is to put the radio on in the car and just forget about it.

I mean - he has a point and I say this as someone with diagnosed anxiety, lol.

Worrying doesn’t change anything. It won’t improve the outcome or make you feel any better - in fact it generally makes you feel like utter shit. Of course “not worrying” is way easier said than done but lots of people just don’t ruminate on things - my DH is similar. He genuinely just doesn’t think about it.

I find I have to be realistic about what he can offer in that respect - he’s a great sounding board, I can rant to him about stuff for ages, but if I need a sympathetic ear about something then I go to my mum or my best friend 🤣

I told dh recently i had just started anti depressants. His reply? "Be careful"...
And he hasn't said a word about them since, or why i feel the need for them.

He's a nice decent person but just not very emotional...

I wish I could just "not worry", my life would be calmer! I'm a worrier and what helps me is talking it through, then I can generally put it to one side but I have to work on that.

@Biomic same here with the driving anxiety - it’s horrible isn’t it? DH just doesn’t get it at all, though he’s been very understanding and a great chauffeur on the trips I really can’t bring myself to do!

Mine is exactly the same. If I have a Dr hospital appointment,he always says there's no point in worrying about it!

Exactly. And it doesn't really show empathy either. It's very flippant

My DH is a bit like this too, if I’m ever worried about anything he will offer solutions but sometimes I just want someone to sympathise! I do agree that a lot of men are like this, they do deal with emotion differently

My DH is like this - he also has anxiety and OCD. You'd think he'd get it...

My fella is exactly like this. Romantically, I prefer men like this. I have close female friends to talk things through with.

Maybe it's a man thing but I've also done this. Especially with my mum. She spent months of the year before last driving herself crazy because of a health worry. She was on the right pathway, she got diagnosis and treatment in a good time frame and a successful outcome. But she refused to accept any of that was even possible let alone likely.

I know fighting anxiety with logic doesn’t work but sometimes it is the only advice you can give

I can be a bit like this (I'm a woman). I have had severe mental health issues and sectioned a few times. I have had to have quite a " crack on woman" mentality to survive and think that has made me quite harsh sometimes to DH who gets anxiety. I do try and listen but as
I try and ignore my worries and push on through I sometimes think "come on mate, your worrying over everything". I find talking things through quite hard and instead get practical. Not necessarily the most healthy.

I am like this, I have ADHD and I have always considered my ability to just switch off from worries a rare gift. But I would never tell someone else to just stop worrying.

It’s not always easy to show empathy around something you’ve never experienced and don’t understand though.

I know I can be a bit like this with DH when he struggles with a lack of organisation due to his ADHD. The way his brain works is just totally foreign to me and I genuinely don’t “get it” at all. I understand on a logical front that he struggles with X because of Y but on an emotional front I do struggle to empathise with him because I just find it so bizarre and frustrating.

I’ve come to the conclusion it’s a good balance to have in a relationship. Two of us worrying endlessly would be very difficult.

I'm hearing you

My DH catchphrase, "it will probably be fine"

And his approach to my awful sleeping is "you'll probably sleep fine tonight, because you're really tired and slept badly last night...."
FFS I'm not having trouble sleeping because I'm not tired enough! 🤣

What would you like him to have said? I’m not being facetious - it’s a serious question. I know (as someone who suffers from anxiety) that someone saying ‘Just don’t worry about it’ isn’t helpful at all, but equally, was there actually anything he could do/say that would have helped? Did you want him to validate your anxiety by agreeing with it? Because that isn’t helpful either. Was there any practical help he could give?