Another shit birthday

[Shitbirthday]

Can anyone else relate to this? It’s my birthday today and yet again it’s a massive disappointment. Booked a meal out myself ( OH never makes an effort). Awful, rip off meal which I didn’t enjoy at all. Cards from two of my children. The other one is NC for the second year running. Two words from each sibling with no sentiments, no love expressed. No cards or presents. OH got me a card with some cliched phrases. That’s it. I’m absolutely miserable .I put in loads of effort for other people but it’s never reciprocated. I really feel that no one truly loves me. Sorry for the pity fest but honestly I am at rock bottom.

I’m sorry you’re having a sad day, I’d suggest that you take yourself off for a day/weekend/whatever doing something you actually enjoy, and leave others to do the same for themselves rather than you knocking yourself out for the ungrateful bastards.
Oh, and happy birthday! 🎉🎂🥂

This seems so common on MN! Why are these husbands and children so mean, selfish and unappreciative? It’s so hurtful.
I bet OP puts herself out to buy them thoughtful gifts and cards, yet it’s not reciprocated.
I think it’s time to give these nasty family members some of their own medicine!

Happy birthday.
I think you should tell your oh what cake he needs to order and what drinks to get and announce you're having a birthday party this weekend. Invite everyone but don't expect everyone to come. Say you'll be opening presents before the cake... So people know you're expecting presents.

That is shit. I’m really sorry they’re all so selfish.
Personally I wouldn’t ask anyone to plan or gift you anything now.
i would buy myself something I would love
New perfume or lipstick here and book myself a hair appointment. Even a wash and blow dry would make you feel great
Sod them You deserve it.
Happy Birthday OP

I buy myself a present at some point during the year but it just seems a bit crap to have no one make any effort. Today I just feel especially upset for some reason. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

Happy Birthday to you!!

💐🎂🎁

Stop making such an effort with their birthdays, and buy yourself some lovely things.

Absolutely stop putting in effort for theirs. They are old enough to get the memo, not small children needing protection.

Happy Birthday Op, have a nice evening , glass of wine, posh coffee or whatever you fancy 💐

Happy birthday.

You make a huge effort for others. That's your choice and shouldn't be done with the expectation that it will be reciprocated. Some people just aren't that in to birthdays. So what I'm suggesting is only make the effort if it's something you enjoy but don't make the effort if you see it as transactional and you're not getting back the same as your give.

Have you ever told your family what you would like? If you're always the organiser, they may not be used to making the effort so don't really see it as something they should do. Have a chat with them and tell them how you feel and what you would like a month or two before your next birthday.

Do you have a good friend? This was me until this year when I decided to do my own thing independent of DH and the kids if they weren’t going to make much effort. I had the best birthday I’ve had in years with DFriend instead! I received a thoughtful gift which was beautifully wrapped, drank lots of wine and had a simple but lovely meal out that we both enjoyed. It was great!

Happy birthday OP - really sorry that you're feeling sad and unappreciated, I hope these posts will redeem the day a little for you.

I’’m sorry to hear you’re not having a great birthday. Can you head out somewhere spontaneously and enjoy the sun?

OP - make sure your family realise how hurt you were, and to the poster who said some people just aren’t into birthdays, I’d say, bet you are when it’s your birthday. To me if someone makes my birthday special, I’d be doing the same on their birthday. It’s mean and thoughtless not to!

Would it be worth saying to your DH that for next year you want a better effort from him.? Would weekends away on both your and DH's birthday be possible. ?You could tell him unless he makes more of an effort then you will treat him in the same way. You could even suggest he makes more of an effort and your celebration will be this coming weekend and you could advise him on preferences. I wish you a happy birthday.

It was me who said some people just aren't into birthdays.

In my experience, people who aren't into birthdays aren't into them for themselves or others. It just doesn't dawn on them that others would want a fuss.

That's not too say that there aren't some people who are inherently selfish and just don't care about others. Those type of people expect a fuss but aren't willing to put the effort in for others. They're a very different beast altogether and for them, birthdays are the least of your problems.

Personally, I'm not terribly bothered by birthdays. However, I do make a effort for family members who are.

If you can't change them, change your expectations of them. If you expect nothing you won't be disappointed.

Happy Birthday! Would I be right to assume that Mother’s Day wasn’t any better? Your family sucks. You need to meet them with the same energy - all of them. “Oh, after my birthdays I assumed we weren’t bothering anymore.” Let them suffer in their pants.

It’s hard to do that though.

I have given up making an effort on his birthdays now too which seems a bit sad. He isn’t bothered about birthdays himself though.

Happy birthday 🎂

Book something for yourself next year
A day out
A spa day
A break away
A treat

Could you make a plan to meet up with some friends as DH's effort is not good.?

OP, first of all, Happy Birthday!

I have had disappointing birthdays and holidays and I've learned to stop expecting others to make them worthwhile for me. Treat yourself to something special, whether it be a meal, a show, shopping. As for feeling like your efforts aren't reciprocated, I've learned it helps to adjust either the giving or the attitude. Give knowing you may not receive and be okay with that, or don't give as much if you want to feel more balanced or don't feel like they are appreciated.

Once I changed my outlook, I've been able to enjoy all my holidays more.

Firstly Happy Birthday ! Sorry it has been a bit shit but I think you need to take steps this year to address that.

Step 1 - start going out with friends regularly. If you don't have any, start a hobby or doing something where you will make some.

Step 2 - you birthed these children [and presumably look after your husband. Start buying YOURSELF a present on their birthdays

Step 3 - if you can be arsed set yourself up with one of those automated reminders from Moonpig so they get at best an electronic card from you.

That helps. I’m trying to do that . I had decided to book a night away at a hotel and dinner on a special deal but got up this morning and wasn’t sure it was the right thing. I should have gone!

What a lovely post.👍😀