Another shit birthday

[Shitbirthday]

Can anyone else relate to this? It’s my birthday today and yet again it’s a massive disappointment. Booked a meal out myself ( OH never makes an effort). Awful, rip off meal which I didn’t enjoy at all. Cards from two of my children. The other one is NC for the second year running. Two words from each sibling with no sentiments, no love expressed. No cards or presents. OH got me a card with some cliched phrases. That’s it. I’m absolutely miserable .I put in loads of effort for other people but it’s never reciprocated. I really feel that no one truly loves me. Sorry for the pity fest but honestly I am at rock bottom.

You know it's the same for me. I put so much thought and effort and organising and last year I got nothing for my birthday in August and my husband didn't even get me a Christmas card ( but he did get a gift). This year i have stopped putting any effort in and I'm not going to sort out my own birthday present either. He can bloody think of somthing! It is hurtful.

OP’s family fall into the latter category, it appears!

Maybe next time go out for a coffee and cake by yourself or with a girlfriend (maybe a cocktail!). Stop remembering their cards and presents too!

What makes you think that? She has said she has reined back on efforts for her dh and he doesn't care as he's not in to birthdays. It sounds more like they fall in to the former category.

Get in your car and go away somewhere!
Don't worry about what your family thinks (it doesn't sound as if they worry about YOU) - just tell yourself you're going to have a good time with some other people. I don't (necessarily) mean ppl you know, but other ppl you'll meet in a restaurant or a hotel!

I enjoy spending the day with OH. It’s just that I have to organise it all! He loves me and he does care, he’s just hopeless at presents .

Your family don’t find it hard so why should you?

That’s a good question.

Because if you're a thoughtful, kind person that's who you are.
But that doesn't mean your family get to trample over your feelings and treat you like a nothing.

If he cares then he can choose to organise something for you. He's not incapable, he just hasn't bothered so far, hasn't felt it important enough to do anything.

Op what’s your life generally like?
I find it’s often the mums who take no time for themselves, run around after family, do the bulk of the housework and cooking who end up being treated poorly on birthdays and special occasions.
If this is you, then change things.
Stop doing everything, become more unavailable, go out with friends, buy food you like for yourself and show everyone that you’re a human being in your own right with feelings and value and not just there as a facilitator to everyone else’s life.

Don't bother making an effort for your family now, just match them for the low effort they make for you.

Let their birthdays and Christmas slide by, grab a 99p card from the pound shop & give it to them at 9pm before you go to bed. Fuck em.

It does sound like a shit birthday, but the question is: why do you keep putting up with having crappy birthdays? You say you put a lot of effort into other people's birthdays - why don't you stop doing that, and instead direct that effort into planning a great birthday for yourself? I love birthdays, and am lucky that my family and friends make an effort to make my birthdays special...but even so, I always take a day out to myself, a day before or after my actual birthday, to be selfish and do whatever I want. I plan everything myself and always end up having a super amazing day. It's such a dumb saying, but it's a true one: you are your own best friend.

Snap! Also my birthday today and it’s also been utterly shit. Commiserations birthday buddy.

I’m certainly going to do this in future. I usually choose a restaurant but this year it was a very poor choice. I do put everyone else first and always have. I’m fed up with being taken for granted, and in future will match their effort.

Happy birthday to you!!

I bet her children would mind very much if their birthdays were ignored!

Good for you! Sorry to hear the restaurant you chose this year wasn't so good. If you have the money and time for it, could you "re-do" your birthday dinner later this week? Go to another place that you know you'll enjoy? Since you have not really received any birthday gifts, you can perhaps gift yourself a nice second birthday dinner?

And honestly, yes, do match your own efforts with other people's efforts. I actually think you might see a change in how your familya nd friends treat you when you start to show them that you care enough about yourself to not go more out of the way for others than they are willing to go for you. Maybe your loved ones will step up, maybe they'll continue to not give a damn...but at least you won't feel like you are the one constantly giving of yourself.

And oh yes - a very happy birthday to you! May you celebrate many more!

Tell him to do better. If he actually loved you he’d want to make you happy.

Happy birthday!! It was my birthday yesterday and I started telling my DH and teens that I wanted a day spent together doing something fun around 2 months ago. I suggested a local event. I also started dropping hints about what I would like ( not extravagant just some bathing stuff)
I also provided reminders that it was my birthday. The teens took themselves off to town together, I had cards and little thoughtful gifts and a lovely day out.
I make a fuss for their birthday so I let them know I expect the same back. It’s taken me a few years to get here, but both teens make a fuss of their partners on their birthday, so I think I’ve got through to them!!

Happy birthday OP.
I am sorry it was rubbish.
Take yourself away for a day to make up for it - a day completely spent how you wish to, treating yourself. Don’t think too much, just do it.

Happy birthday, OP, sorry it was disappointing.

I think you need to take a day or two for yourself. Then: stop doing anything for anyone else's birthdays (except DC but try to get your DH to take over much of that) and for your next one, book a restaurant you know is good and you like. If you want, go alone (maybe lunch if that is less uncomfortable for you) or with a friend if you have one who would like to go with you?

Tell your DH in a few days how you feel. how it makes you feel when he makes zero effort. And that you expect next year to be different. Give him links to things you would like and tell him to choose one. That way you get a bit of a surprise and he actually gets you something.

Your DH doesn't care about his own birthday, so match that energy. and for your birthday treat yourself.

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
#Happy Birthday!#
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Are your DH and kids capable of organizing things for themselves? When they do are they spectacularly underwhelming or do they put effort in to ensure it’s something they will enjoy, etc?