Afternoon tea with a 5 and 1 year old?

[SpecduckularlyQuackers]

A member of my family wants us all to go for afternoon tea at a local posh hotel, described as tranquil, leisurely and with a Michelin starred chef. Sounds lovely, but we have a 5 and just turned 1 year old - am I overreacting to think this might be a bit disastrous?? I'm not toooo worried about the 5 year old, as long as he has cake he'll be happy, though his attention span for a very leisurely sit might be limited. But the 1 year old is likely to be loud and will struggle to sit nicely for any length of time.

I am aware that I tend to anticipate the worst in these situations, so would appreciate views from others!

I’m with you OP. Politely decline.

Does your family member mean without the kids? You can’t really take the 1 year old to a nice hotel afternoon tea.

Yeah I wouldn’t as unlikely to be many other small children and it will be stressful.

That’s definitely not the environment for small children!

If it is as posh as you say OP, it's not the greatest idea to take either of them and stressful for you

I think that might be hard for everyone. I was at an afternoon tea last summer in a nice hotel. Lots of groups of adults quietly chatting. A family group came in, parents, grandparents, small children. The mother looked around the room, said something along the lines of "this isn't going to work and will be unfair to the people here" and instead they all went outside to the garden and the children ran around on the lawn whilst they ate. I thought that woman was very considerate and I'm still grateful to her because that tea was a precious yearly treat for me with old friends I rarely see as we live so far away from each other.

Just to clarify, they definitely want the kids there. The person the afternoon tea is in honour of wouldn't want to celebrate without them. It also happens to be the 1 year old's birthday that day (not the reason for the afternoon tea) so I'm not up for leaving them elsewhere anyway.

Thanks everyone, I'm glad it's not just me - these family members tend to make me feel like I'm being overly precious in these situations. It's extra complicated as there's another family member with a 3 month old and they're totally up for it, but to me a 3 month old is much easier!

Politely decline

Unless they are open to other venues
Cutter and sqidge or B's bakery would be good!

“afternoon tea at a local posh hotel, described as tranquil, leisurely and with a Michelin starred chef” is not the place for small children. It’s actually really unfair on the other people at the hotel trying to enjoy a treat and a lovely, relaxing afternoon.

OP you are definitely not being precious in anyway!!

I just looked those up and they look lovely - unfortunately 400 miles in the wrong direction! I am going to see if I can find anywhere local that's still nice but more relaxed as a possible alternative though.

Are these family members elderly? Have they forgotten what a lively one year old is like? Are they expecting 'seen but not heard'.

I think I'd suggest the nearest Harvester with a garden, or hosting their tea in your garden, while someone picks up the tab for a local caterer to supply tea.

Good luck! a lot of places have started kids friendly afternoon tea

dd 3 loved B's bakery. We did a peppa pig bus tour 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Unless it’s specifically for kids I wouldn’t do that. Really unfair for everyone else and totally exhausting for you. My son still wouldn’t manage that vibe now and he’s 9 next month!

Having just been for afternoon tea with my 2 and 6 year old, it really depends on the set up. Afternoon tea does mostly come out quickly and all at once in that tower stand. You’re not waiting around a lot for course after course which is a positive. Is there somewhere you can take the kids, like a garden, games room in said posh hotel as soon as they get bored? This is really my deal breaker when we go to restaurants with kids.

No, they're the same age as us but child free. They just don't factor them at all, and I feel like a right annoying twit regularly having to respond to plans with 'um but what about the kids'. 8 pm restaurant bookings, posh places where there's nothing on the menu the 5 year old will eat, spontaneous changes to plans that push lunch to 2 pm etc.

Eurgh…! Arranging plans with people without children is the worst! They just don’t get it.
Of course a fancy pants restaurant with a young child and a baby/toddler would be a disaster.
My FIL is like this. He wasn’t really present during this stage with his own and will regularly arrive two hours late not realising that he’s ruined the day for us and it’ll be impossible to enjoy a lunch or even have a conversation when DD is screaming with exhaustion because she’s overtired. It’s hell.
Same with a friend who has a still young but very placid baby and hasn’t reached the toddler stage. Surely you can sit for two hours having a leisurely lunch… Surely you can put a 2.5 year old in a buggy and go for a long hike, they won’t want to get out within two minutes and plod along at snails pace or run off into the distance thinking it’s funny when you chase them 😵‍💫 I just think “just wait”.

Why do you think s/he 'definitely' wants to have meetups with your kids? The quoted post indicates the opposite.

The person proposing it is not the person the celebration is in honour of. The person who the celebration is in honour of wants the kids there. Also bear in mind this is family, so at family occasions the kids are rather part of the package.

Arranging plans with people without children is the worst!

I love that you made this sweeping and kind of offensive statement and then described two situations with people that do have kids 😂 I know plenty of child free people who are very considerate of their friends with children.

OP, you are making the right call here 💯 it wouldn’t be fair on your kids or the other customers to have the 1 year old there, it would just be an expensively stressful
time for all concerned!

It sounds stressful with kids not ready for that.
i'm teaching mine how to behave in restaurants, but I try to avoid peak times and i bring them a snack so they get something familiar right away.
I've learned no drinks on the table, extra serviettes and have wet wipes ready. Lots of praise for good behaviour, reminders that we stay in our seats and keep voices down. I haven't tried with friends and kids yet. They're not ready. (Both! 😂) I'd be too preoccupied with the kids, anyway. I am always prepared to leave if things get too much and ask for meal to be boxed up to go. I couldn't expect a friend to be that flexible. Kids needs constant attention. I need octopus arms to manage it all. That's just my take, but mine are 3 & 1, we're got a long way to go still.
I'd love to get a sitter and go myself to actually relax.

Some people save for a long time to have these kinds of experiences and I don't think it's appropriate to do them with babies and young children that might be disruptive.

Yes yes, everyone is entitled to be there, I just think it's a bit of a shit move.

Id be extremely disappointed and angry if i paid a lot for afternoon tea in a swanky hotel, only for a couple of kids to trot in and be kids.

its not a place for kids!!

I took my 3 year old and baby to an afternoon tea with family and it worked quite well, they both loved the sandwiches and cakes 😂 the additional family there helped to keep the children entertained so there was no tantrums or crying! However it was quite a relaxed, family friendly place and there were other children around.

This was absolutely the right call for that mother to make .

I think the 'not fair on others' angle is the one I'll use. It's £50+ a head so it's definitely a treat! Plus, selfishly, I don't want to spend £100 for me and DH plus whatever they charge for the kids only to spend the whole time stressed, managing my 5 year old's overexcitement and running around after the 1 year old.