Would you relocate or live in an overcrowded house?

[magpiemagical]

Okay, so we have 2DC and a third on the way (contraceptive failure, it wasn’t meant to happen which I’m only saying because it answers the questions of ‘why did you get pregnant’). The age gap between this DC and others is 8/6 years but same gender as 8yo. Other two DC have different dad (live with me and DH full time apart from EOW). So we have 2 double bedrooms and a tiny, and I mean tiny single room that the 6yo has. DD’s room is an attic room that you cannot put a door in anywhere- we had someone in to look but due to the shape of it and the walls/stairs, it’s not possible to have a door installed so her room is ‘open’. She has stairs but no door at top or bottom so DH and I cannot have her room as our room (our room is the biggest but we’d gladly swap otherwise if it weren’t for the door, we only sleep in our room). DD has a double bed that we’d need to get rid of (in a few years when DC3 would be big enough to sleep on a different floor and through the night etc). DD’s room is impractical because one side of the ceiling slants very low and it’d be hard practically to have two single beds up there without bumping head on ceiling. Anyway, we genuinely cannot afford a 4 bed, prices have shot up here and our (technically 2 bed) was purchased 2 years ago for £175k, a 4 bed is offers over £450k so at least £500k. It’s not feasible for us. 2 beds are cheap here which is what ours is classed as, we might get £200k for it.

DC are both doing really well at school and DD has strong ties to friends and clubs. Our choices are relocate which would be to a whole new place, if we have to move then DH wants a change of scenery to somewhere much more rural. Even if we didn’t relocate that far, there’s nowhere within the local authority we could afford that would maintain DC’s school place. So we’d have to change school regardless if it was 2 miles or 20. DD really doesn’t want to move and has said she’s happy to share her room (in theory!!) but she will be 13 sharing with a 5 year old or 16 sharing with an 8 year old etc. We can’t put a divider up in her room due to ceiling slanting and size.

Would you prioritise DC’s stability and their desires to stay here, or prioritise practicality and uproot them for a more suitable home? There isn’t any middle ground here, those are our choices. So as to not drip feed, I had to uproot them when they were 5/3 to the school they’re currently at so DD has had to readjust and settle into a new school already, although that was really beyond my control.

I would say she very much does, especially as your partner isn’t her parent.

Bedroom doors aren't just about privacy, its about fire safety.

If you were to move, are there areas that you could afford that you would want to live in?

You'll need to move at some point anyway, even without a new baby. A bedroom without a door isn't really a bedroom.
What about a larger flat? It's hardly surprising you can't afford to jump from a small flat to a big house, so why not something in between?
If you really can't afford anything bigger then you'll have no choice but to relocate.

It's against building regs to have a bedroom in a loft space without proper fire doors. Is there an external safety escape ladder?

Curtain on the attic door and you move there once baby is out of your room, thick heavy lined velvet is probably as good as those flimsy board doors you get these days. Two youngest or oldest share the big room, other in the box room.

Your only options really are to have the attic room for yourself and DH, or move. Your 8 year old does need privacy as she goes into puberty so the room isn’t great for her anyway, and you won’t really be able to put new DC in it anyway until they’re 3 or 4 which means you won’t get privacy with your DH in your room until then anyway.

I agree. A child living with an unrelated adult needs more privacy, not less. Especially as she will shortly be going through puberty.

I think you will have to move so better to do it sooner. Kids adapt better when younger.

but look very carefully at rural locations. Think about whether you can walk to a shop or the school, and if your kids as teens can walk to a friends house. If your life revolves around the car, that is expensive and v limiting.

I'd say that your choice to bring another child into a too-small house might mean that your 'privacy' is something that has to be sacrificed.

I would move.
I moved regularly as a child, last move was in year 6. It was fine up to that point. Kids make new friends. She will hardly remember the move aged 5.
The younger the better.
Also your current living arrangement is hardly ideal, even for your 4 current family members, not sure the attic bedroom is even fire safety compliant...
Overall your DC will be better off in the long run.
BTW I moved within a year of my youngest sibling being born (9 years between us). I never held it against him!!!

You do need to move but I would do it with a view to your oldest moving to secondary school. Make sure you are in a good catchment area and then move when she is in year 6 .

I would have baby in with you for as long as you can . Once that's not working you could have a sofa bed in the living room for you and your partner.

I don’t think this place is particularly great now as your daughter is in a room without a door. So seems like you’ve already outgrown it. Can you move into the living room? Plenty do that if needs must.

If the OP isn’t willing to sleep in an attic room with no door, I doubt she’d be willing to sleep in the living room.
OP the house isn’t suitable for your current set up, let alone with an extra child involved. I don’t think you have any choice except to move.

Yes, I think you have to move. You're overcrowded now, before baby arrives.

@MereNoelleits not about not willing per se, but being honest here, I don’t think it’s suitable for a married couple to be in a room where you can hear everything from downstairs. And I would do the sofa bed as a stop gap, but for 15 years or so? It’s not feasible.

Well then you need to move don't you? If there's not enough privacy for you, there isn't enough privacy for a girl living with a stepdad!

The living room at least has a door though? Either way can't have it all ways its either sacrifice something or move. Personally I would have baby on work me for a couple of years. Then worry about the space issue

@NCTDNyes, we could afford a 4 bed in these places. We’re on the outskirts of a major city, 10 mins to city centre by car or train, it’s an up and coming area hence the prices. They’ve jumped substantially in the 2 years we’ve been here.

@Digdongdooyes, that’s true. It was only meant to be temporary anyway but then like I said, prices have jumped substantially in the 2 years we’ve been here.

The thing about a 3 bedroom house is, the ones that I’ve seen here (and I’ve looked weekly for 2 years) are smallish bedrooms ie two small doubles and a single. Now if we moved into one of those, I’m not sure how it’s much better, as DD would still need to share eventually? Middle child is a boy so he can’t share really.

You don't really have much choice then do you? You'll have to relocate. You can't have a teenager in a bedroom without a door. Especially living with an unrelated man.

Keep baby with you until she is aged 3. Then she can share with DS until he is 10 (opposite sex sharing is fine until then). Then DDs can share once youngest DD is 4. After 6 years of sharing, when eldest DD is 18 she can go to uni and move out and youngest DD can get the room to herself. Can do a bit of mixing up in those 6 years, perhaps have a garden pod, you and DH can sleep in the room for a bit, or eldest DD can spend more time at her dad's.

Yeah there aren’t any great choices here. There’s only one door between you and your daughter in any scenario so it’s pretty equal either way. I mostly don’t think it sounds safe to have a young child without a proper bedroom for fire safety. Given everyone’s ages you’ll just have to move. A 3 bedroom gives you plenty of options - daughters share and your son has the smallest room. If you keep the wee one in with you for a few years there’s only a few years left theoretically before your older one will move out.

You are currently living in 1.5 bedrooms with 4 people so just can’t see how the maths can work with 5 if you don’t move into the lounge or trade places with your daughter.