‘D’M refuses to use 7 month old DS’s name, and calls him “the baby”

[Namenamenamess]

DS has an entirely normal and traditional top 100 boy’s name, and an entirely common and sensible nickname. Think:

Edward - Eddie
Thomas - Tommy
Jonathan - Jonny

When he was about two weeks old, my mother told me that she wouldn’t be using his nickname as she didn’t like it. However, she doesn’t use the longer version of his name, either. Meaning that for over seven months now, DS has been ‘the baby.’

Hello baby! What are you and the baby up to today? Let me give the baby a kiss! The baby is getting big!

I’ve tried speaking to her about this, but she gives ridiculous comebacks and continues to refuse to call him anything other than ‘the baby.’ For example today, she said, “I can call him the baby, it’s not like he’s 95!”

Where do we go from here? DH has suggested I start using ‘the lady’ instead of Granny: say goodbye to the lady! which I can definitely do, but I’d be grateful for any other ideas.

While I’m at it, she’s also fond of saying ‘silly mummy,’ as in: did silly mummy make you cry? Did silly mummy wake you up? (no, you did by talking very loudly right next to him). Again, I have asked her not to do this, I’ve said it’s unkind and not a nice thing to say. Her responses to this have included that she is ‘talking to the baby, not to me,’ that I am over sensitive, and woke(!?). She also very exaggeratedly said to DS, oh your mummy is perfect and amazing and you are SO lucky to have her! when I last asked her not to use ‘silly mummy.’

Help!

The baby - wouldn't give it another thought, my sister was the baby until she was about 7🤣

Silly mummy- yeah, that's not nice. A quick " please don't say that" every single time should make your feelings known.

Was that your DM calling her own child ‘the baby’ though? That feels different because it’s your own choice what you call your own baby?

‘Senile old granny has forgotten your name
again!’

Or 'the senile old woman has forgotten your name again Jonnie'

loudly in cafes and branches of John Lewis 😊

I'd just let it go. It will right itself in time. Some things just don't seem worth falling out over. Don't feed her by objecting to it and she'll forget herself and start using it eventually.

Edited to add my mil said some weird things when mine were small, I think we had a clash in how I parent vs how she would have parented, like I fed on demand for instance and she couldn't get her head around it and made lots of little comments. It's many years later now and none of it means anything really. She has been a good support when it's mattered and hopefully we've been the same to her.

Sorry but she's awful. Surely she'd always been like this, it can't be a new thing that she's so rude and dismissive of you?

It's also a huge tell that she's calling you "over sensitive". Parents who are mean to their children and narcissistic use this as an excuse for their cruelty.

I'd be having a serious talk with her and if I don't see any respect and effort to change I'd be going very low or no contact.

I mean…..my youngest is 5, and she’s been “the baby” since she arrived and probably will remain “the baby” for the rest of her life 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 Me, DH and my older 2 DC’s all refer to her as “the baby” when talking about her, but use her name when talking to her.

But if it’s something you don’t like, have raised it with her and she’s still consistently doing it, that’s the issue at hand here.
I’m petulant, so I probably would make a point of calling her “The woman” at every opportunity 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠😂

How often do you see her or speak to her? I'd be cutting that down if you're getting this nonsense every time.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Does it really matter?

Nope! Husband sorts his mother out or you go low contact. She’s being a turd and it’s his responsibility to manage.

I think The Lady should be seeing far less of The Baby.

I’d remove baby when she says the silly mummy stuff. Just go. Somewhere else. Silence and absence speak volumes.

I think it’s her mother

It's the maternal grandmother so not husbands responsibility. It's not a mil problem for once. I'd refuse to call her granny or any other version of it and continually call her 'the old woman' until the child calls her that too. And go low contact due to 'silly mummy' comments.

I'd reduce my contact with her. You are a new mum and you need support not more issues and complications.

There will be a point at which your child will tell her that he’s not ‘baby’, he’s ’Johnny/Nathaniel/Ethelbert’ and that’s her painted into a corner. Meanwhile, let her get on with it and be impervious.

Calling the baby - is disrespectful to you, and your husband who lovingly chose your DC’s name probably with a lot of thought and care.

The silly mummy comment really not on my mum tried it for a while thinking it was creating a bond with my DD however I called her out and at least she was respectful enough to stop.

I would be pointing out your house your family your rules and names and if she doesn’t like it tough and have a break from seeing her for a bit

She's acknowledged she won't be calling him baby forever "he's not 95." Just ask her, as she is going to stop at some point why can't that point be now, unless she is doing it solely to annoy you. And of course she is doing it to annoy you, just as silly mummy is said to annoy you. Look her in the eye and calmly ask her why she enjoys annoying you and using your baby as a prop to do so.

Being calm and direct won't give her much wiggle room for excuses and she might realise that your child's name and how you parent aren't her decisions; that she could just enjoy her limited role as grandmother. Or she might flounce and that would make her a really silly mummy.

She’s batshit and attention seeking. Don’t feed into it. Just grey rock. She’ll look more and more foolish.
It really doesn’t matter and is not worth the expenditure of your mental energy.

Oops you’re right, I came from a MIL thread before this one.

Well that’s easy then. Your mother is being a turd, so go low contact. She is jealous and knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s also counting on you not fully challenging her on it. The only way to win is to not play. Reduce contact for 6-12 months and revisit to see if she’s gotten over herself.

Just limit her time with your child.

She says "oh silly mummy does xyz" and you say "oh silly mummy has to go home now. Bye granny"

I wouldn't worry about the baby thing - she'll look pretty stupid if she is calling your child baby at his graduation.

I suspect there is a history of control here so good luck to you OP. The way to go is "oh we have to leave now granny, bye" when she starts on the silly mummy or I have a name for you stuff.

I remember my Mum driving me mad when DS was born by always referring to him as 'My Baby'. At the time I was so furious. Said Baby is now nearly 20 and they have a lovely relationship.

I totally get your frustration, you are perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do. I'm trying to say this is one of those 'This too shall pass' moments, I guess?

I like your husband's idea. I'd go further, and call her 'the old lady' until she starts using his name. And also, see her less. I'm sure this isn't the only way in which she's annoying.

Oh she is a madam! I'd be referring to her as 'the weird woman who can't remember your name' (certainly no lady behaving like that!). Try it once or twice then have a proper word with her. Re her calling you silly mummy, cut that bullsh1t off right away with an "excuse me, stop with this nonsense right now and remember who's home you are in".

My great aunt has never called me by my name as she doesn't like it. It's very odd 😂 it hasn't affected me though, it's just one of her 'quirks' I guess!