‘D’M refuses to use 7 month old DS’s name, and calls him “the baby”

[Namenamenamess]

DS has an entirely normal and traditional top 100 boy’s name, and an entirely common and sensible nickname. Think:

Edward - Eddie
Thomas - Tommy
Jonathan - Jonny

When he was about two weeks old, my mother told me that she wouldn’t be using his nickname as she didn’t like it. However, she doesn’t use the longer version of his name, either. Meaning that for over seven months now, DS has been ‘the baby.’

Hello baby! What are you and the baby up to today? Let me give the baby a kiss! The baby is getting big!

I’ve tried speaking to her about this, but she gives ridiculous comebacks and continues to refuse to call him anything other than ‘the baby.’ For example today, she said, “I can call him the baby, it’s not like he’s 95!”

Where do we go from here? DH has suggested I start using ‘the lady’ instead of Granny: say goodbye to the lady! which I can definitely do, but I’d be grateful for any other ideas.

While I’m at it, she’s also fond of saying ‘silly mummy,’ as in: did silly mummy make you cry? Did silly mummy wake you up? (no, you did by talking very loudly right next to him). Again, I have asked her not to do this, I’ve said it’s unkind and not a nice thing to say. Her responses to this have included that she is ‘talking to the baby, not to me,’ that I am over sensitive, and woke(!?). She also very exaggeratedly said to DS, oh your mummy is perfect and amazing and you are SO lucky to have her! when I last asked her not to use ‘silly mummy.’

Help!

whats The backstory op, as it would be unusual for your mum to start being disrespectful just as you have a baby? Happy to be wrong on this!

Honestly, does it really matter? Eventually she will stop and call him by his name, just ignore her for now.

I can never get my head around the silly things which get people riled up

I wouldn't be seeing someone who was deliberately being unkind to me.

This might be one of your first parenting moments when you have to make a firm, hard decision on what is appropriate for you, your child, and your family.

If she is not respecting you, your wishes, and the way you wish to raise your child, then you need to step up and address it.

Believe me, I know it’s hard, but it only gets harder as more time passes.

Time to make a stand and tell her what is and isn’t acceptable if she wishes to be in your and your child’s life.

The baby stuff I’d ignore she will stop eventually. The silly mummy would piss me off. I’d say “do not say silly mummy about me” and I’d take the baby and leave (room or house your choice) it’s fine now as baby doesn’t understand but when child gets older it will undermine you.

Do you have siblings as that would really annoy me if she didn’t do it to their children just yours

In the grand scheme of thing calling him “the baby” is not a nuclear or no contact offence.
it’s a nickname.

tell her to stop with the silly mummy stuff or just ignore.
It would be nuts to blow up your relationship with your mum over this, unless it’s the last straw of unforgivable behaviour.

I can’t believe people are saying to cut her off.

Yep, my wife and I refer to our two year old as 'the baby'!

The baby stuff is irrelevant. It will blow over in time.

Silly Mummy I’m afraid is just an open invitation to have fun!
Silly granny thinks you want cuddles instead of dinner! Silly granny doesn’t know how to hold you the way you like.

Honestly it’s a gift. She’s given you an open invitation to get irritations off your chest and out into the open. Silly Granny!

Why does it matter? It's essentially just a differejt nickname she's using. Ignore it. It's harmless.

She will have to address him by his name sooner or later . Anyway , I think it’s silly she never speaks his name . As for silly mummy that’s so disrespectful. Make her stop .

This honestly wouldn’t bother me. My younger sister was “the baby” till she was about 24-25 when I had my baby and she became “the baby”. Is it a regional thing maybe? I’m from Merseyside and it’s quite a common thing.

Is there a bit of a backstory why she bothers you so much?

⬆️ this OP. Does she have a history of being like this with you?

I'd just spend a lot less time with her and tell her why 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like she’s doing it on purpose to wind you up.
Your DS will grow up, sounds like she probably won’t. Don’t get into tit for tat name calling, that’d be modelling bad behaviour to your son.

I’m the youngest of 4 cousins, I was called Baby Rose until my teens!
I remember asking if they could please stop the Baby part when I brought my boyfriend home for the first time.😊

The silly mummy comments are mean. I’m sorry your mother is so petty.

Silly old granny can't remember your name, (babies name). Everytime.

The youngest in the family is often called 'the baby' for a few years. The difference is most people interchange it with the child's actual name. It's really weird for gm to say that she categorically won't ever call your ds by his given name. What's she going to call him when he's no longer a baby? I know someone who called her dd 'the baby' when talking about her until she was around 21! She was a colleague telling me about the baby this, the baby that. I could have keeled over when i politely enquired how old the baby was and she said she was 12! She continued talking about 'the baby' for years but I was onto her by then!

Start forgetting to meet her as arranged

then say to ds “silly mummy forgot about nanny”.

Playing up to someone’s description of you have has always been a sure fire way to shut them up IME!

Me neither, someone up thread called the DM a turd and suggested a non contact time as a punishment. Loads of babies are called the baby for years. The vitriol towards DMs/MILs on MN is unreal.

Can you do verrry low contact with this nightmare of a woman?
I'm sorry you are going through this, honestly. When babies are born they have the magic ability to reveal people's true colors. Your mother is, at best, a jelous and antagonistic person. Keep your distance and protect your son and yourself from her bad energy.

Would you put up with it from anyone else Op?

I thought your mum was supposed to love & care about you?

Not ignore you & do what they want.

“Mum I would appreciate it if you would start calling him by his name. It is rude of you to continue to deny that he actually has one.”

”Mum please don’t undermine my parenting or say things in such a negative manner. It isn’t helpful and makes me feel bad.”

”Mum I didn’t appreciate the way you just worded that. If you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

”Mum if you continue to behave this way and ignore what I’m requesting from you it’s going to start to have an effect on our relationship and the amount of time we spend together.”