Parents - what do you miss about childfree life?

[Pleasestopjumpingonthesofa]

We have been trying to conceive for about 6 months, however have to pause for a few months now for me to have surgery for an issue that can't be left. It's colorectal and will be a miserable although hopefully not too long recovery.

I'm not looking forward to this surgery, am miserable that we have to pause TTC for this, gutted that if I hadn't miscarried in March we'd still be on track for a baby, and am currently in the midst of a painful period (I have endometriosis) so am feeling pretty sorry for myself!

I KNOW that once we successfully conceive and have a child there will be things I miss horribly about our life now and I am really trying to think positively and focus on doing some of that stuff whilst I can (with the realisation that surgery + recovery will throw a spanner in that too, but I have a few weeks til the op).

Things I currently enjoy: exercise (running, swimming, gym), reading, seeing friends, baking, gaming (board games and video games), generally being outside incl with our dog.

Things I've come up with:

• my family live a few hours away and I'm going to see them between now and surgery as that journey will inevitably become more difficult at some point (hopefully soon!) in our lives and it'll be nice to see them solo
• enjoy drinking whenever I want to - I barely drink but do enjoy one sometimes!
• considering booking massage and/or spa type stuff
• declutter the house!
• day trips e.g. to the beach with the dog
• runs and walks (pre surgery) whenever I want with or without the dog
• steak, cheese, all that stuff
• book some dates type stuff for husband and I (again pre surgery), dinner, mini golf etc
• try to break my phone habits...

I suspect this is one of those things that because we want a baby, it's all going to feel a bit empty and pointless, but once we have a baby we will wish we did some of this stuff. We are also going on holiday (not specifically due to this situation) and I generally think that spending quality time together and frankly spending quality time by myself without feeling guilty are probably the two things I'll miss most. But I'd love some opinions!

I really like your attitude OP, but the reality is you won't know what your issues are until things change. it might be something you won't consider now. And then they keep changing in other ways. I used to desperately miss being able to go to the toilet when nature called and be there alone, I also missed being able to leave the house alone without running around for ages getting everything organised. Don't get me started on the lack of sleep. Now that kids are a little older I take the toilet thing and leaving house thing totally for granted again. I sleep when i need to, lie in all I want. What I miss now is 'adult' time in the evening, when they were little I used to get to sit down and watch TV, now I still do that but they are wandering around annoying me. Or else I'm taxi driver collecting someone from training. i'm sure soon it will be something else that I miss

Wearing scarves and beads and other flowy things. Impossible when you are holding a baby as they try to eat your beads or bending over a toddler. I changed the way I dressed and never really went back.

Having spare time! I truly don't know what DH and I did in the hours between getting home and going to bed before we had children. Obviously we filled the time but it seems like such a luxury in hindsight.

My DDs are a bit older now, both in primary school so life has become easier in many ways but the things I actively missed about child free life in the baby and toddler years were:

Sleep. Nothing prepares you really. I didn't have a night of unbroken sleep for about 5 years as just when DD1 was reliably sleeping through the night DD2 was born 🤣.

My body. I have a birth injury from DD2's delivery (prolapsed bladder) and my boobs will never be the same again after breastfeeding two children.

Spontaneity. DH and I would randomly say "shall we go out for dinner tonight?" Or the cinema. Or to see a show. Now a date night like that happens every six months or so because we have to arrange a babysitter.

Wearing dangly earrings! Or nice necklaces. They just become an easy target for babies to grab.

Leaving the house without having to pack a nappy bag or get the pram ready. Just picking up my handbag and swanning out the door. Even now they're older it's checking they've got their completed homework, water bottles, snack for school. Have they got coats and gloves and hats in the winter or have they had sun cream applied and have a sun hat in warmer weather. Is it PE today, have I booked school dinners, do they need to take in a random donation for the PTA etc etc.

Time to myself. I can get my nails done or go to the gym or whatever but I have to plan it in advance so DH is definitely home to watch DDs.

DH and I having time just the two of us to be a couple. Life now is a juggling act e.g. we rarely have time just the two of us. We only get one week in the summer and some time at Christmas off together because we have to split up our annual leave to cover school holidays.

Long haul holidays! I wished we'd done more before having children. The idea of taking a baby or toddler on a long haul flight seemed terrible to me so we never did it and now they're at school it would be too expensive during the school holidays. I do wish DH and I had travelled more when we could.

I wouldn't change having DDs. But there are lots of things I think you should try to enjoy while you can.

Sleep, sleep and more sleep 😴 and just being able to have a duvet day and watch rubbish tv all day long.

Hope your surgery goes well!

I miss the ease of being able to just decide I'm going to do a quick workout or go for a run. Nowadays everything is busy and done on a schedule to fit in with the kids, and I'm always rushing from drop off to work, to collection, to home, to putting dinner on etc. I'm always meant to be somewhere and don't have much wiggle room around that at all.

Tidying the house and then it just being tidy. Instead of tidying the house and it being a mess again 2 mins later!

Being asleep past 6:30am.

Lazy days at home chilling watching TV in pjs. That doesn't really fly with my DS's as a fun day, and attempting it usually ends up in either us watching their TV (awful) or the kids being a bit moany and needing to run off some energy.

Well at least half of you will be thrilled to know I announced with no warning after work - I finished at 4 - that I was off on a run (we work out dog walks in advance so I did know I wasn't lumping him with an extra walk!), ran with audiobook in and came home via a shop to buy chocolate, had a leisurely shower, got straight into pyjamas, and have now made myself a different-to-my-husband dinner because I just wanted potato waffles and eggs dammit so why the heck not, and now I've got the evening to myself (plus dog) with whatever TV I want plus chocolate. And I'm eating in silence. It's wonderful.

(This is genuinely supposed to be a thank you for the ideas, I'm paying attention and enjoying my freedoms message - not a massive rubbing it in your face post. I'd still prefer a child. Hopefully everyone is having as reasonably calm an evening as you could hope for in your respective households)

Just picking up my keys and leaving the house, finishing a drink, going to bed and knowing I won’t be woken up during the night or the early morning. Just changing plans without thinking I will need to feed the kids/get them to bed.

Travelling
Drinking
Evening walks in the sunshine
Beer gardens
Having energy
Clean house
Theatre and cinema

I loved your update post OP, you are super sweet. All the best with your surgery and your plans for conception later.

Holidays. Lovely bargain last minute holidays where there are few kids because they’re all at school.

I don’t really get some of things people are missing out on just because they have kids. If there are two parents you can still have a lie in or a night out!

Yes not rushing out the door at work to get to childcare/ school run.
Not having to cook " proper" meals all the time, being able to just have beans on toast or a peanut butter sandwich.
Going on holiday and only having to pack/ think about myself.
My money being mine, no guilt about spending ££ on hair cuts.
Just not doing everything on a time schedule.

Mine are 18 &21 and this has only eased in the last 18m ( except the money thing)