Just noticed today, that I’m always too modest and always shrink myself down, how do I stop this bad habit

[ShrunkInTheWashAgain]

Always playing down my achievements etc in order to not make anyone else feel bad
that type of thing
it’s not like I suddenly wanna start boasting but just stop shrinking myself down

Anyone else have this habit or is everyone asleep like sensible people 😂😂

My foster son does this. He's really good at some things but if anyone praises him he says things like anyone could have done it or just shrugs and says no big deal. I think in his case it stems from always being put down as a small child. It's knocked his confidence a bit. He's going to uni in September and we've chatted about it being a chance to reinvent himself a little more confident and outgoing. Not to put himself down.

I just hate seeing him overlooked because he is so quiet. He'd never push himself forward for anything but if someone offers him to do some will agree to have a go and often he's good at it.

That’s exactly what I do and I want to stop

I’m guessing its a form of propel pleasing, which I find odd as I don’t struggle that much to say no to things I don’t want to do

I hope your dc on well at uni

Me too. In my case I think it comes from school bullying whenever I did well in tests/exams and got called a 'swot' - I learned to avoid sticking out because I wanted people to like me.

Feel the same, been reading this and made me feel better, but it’s a hard habit to break

I do the same. Could you try not doing it with people you don’t know, just replying thanks to a compliment for example. Then move on to people you do know. It is a form of people pleasing I think, I know it doesn’t make people happy when I’m honest but I’m trying to let them deal with their own feelings

I'm a bit like that. I don't have much advice except bite your tongue! I naturally try to put myself down in many situations but I stop myself. I realise it's not a good look at all. It's pathetic.

Practise! Start with accepting compliments, not batting them away…
“@ShrunkInTheWashAgain you’ve brought up a really important behavioural pattern”

Nadia Hussain (off of Bake Off) describes something similar and how she’s bringing up her dc.

Know what, I’m ordering that right now

thankyou

Oddly I can also except compliments
I never used to be able to when younger
I used to feel so embarrassed at a compliment
then I learnt it was rude to rebuff a compliment to the person who kindly gave you one so I always smile and say thankyou

I can accept compliments, and I can assert boundaries but I’m very self depreciating. Don’t know why really. I need to stop.

I know I keep quiet about stuff when I’m with people who haven’t had the opportunities I have. I think that’s the right thing to do though.

That was kinda a rebuff!
@ShrunkInTheWashAgain you’re raising important issues!

What do you mean rebuff ? Sorry I didn’t quite get what you ment

Oh what on a podcast or interview ?

I’m the same, I can say no, I can expect compliments perhaps could improve boundaries somewhat hehe people are rude
but I can say no etc

bit I’m very self deprecating to a fault

Showing off is a bad thing app6 but we've all seen people at work claiming credit off the back of the modest people.

Yes it’s not like I want to become a show off or gloater
but just stop shrinking myself down

it’s like I know what I want to do, but a bit unsure how to

I used to be like this…. But take heart….. I catch myself and these days , congratulate myself and make myself feel good about it - it took a while but now it’s second nature.
I am mindful not to do it in a boastful way though.

Just that you didn’t acknowledge that you’re raising an important issue and deflected that you know accepting compliments is good.
I saw NH on Graham Norton. It looks like she expands on it on various podcasts. Elbows out

Not sure if the second link worked

Oh I see what you mean

like I don’t even give myslef credit for being able to except a compliment ?

and and realising this is an area I want to work on ?