Sunshine comes out... and so do the perverts

BeamMeUpSnotty · 2025-04-30T07:04:28+00:00

The age old question... How do you deal with horrible lechery in relation to teenage girls? DD and her mates (younger teens) have ENDLESSLY AND REPEATEDLY had horrible experiences in the last few weeks, since wearing shorts etc in the sunshine. Varying between horrible but usual (honking car horns, leering) to fucking creepy (man following them around the park; man taking pictures). I don't want DD to consider the world dangerous - she's already an anxious type - so don't want to restrict her activities, but should I? How TF are we meant to deal with this? What do others do?

Original poster

BeamMeUpSnotty · 30/04/2025 08:51

Just bumping this. I know it's old hat, but feel the need to discuss!

OP posts:

humptydumptyfelloff · 30/04/2025 09:00

H yes this pisses me off aswell as a mum of two girls.

on the odd occasion I’ve been nearby and older let hy types have been staring I’ve glared at them back and made them feel uncomfortable.

whenever dd says this has happened it really makes me grit my teeth and tell her I’m sorry she has to come across it so much.

Original poster

BeamMeUpSnotty · 30/04/2025 09:25

humptydumptyfelloff · 30/04/2025 09:00

H yes this pisses me off aswell as a mum of two girls.

on the odd occasion I’ve been nearby and older let hy types have been staring I’ve glared at them back and made them feel uncomfortable.

whenever dd says this has happened it really makes me grit my teeth and tell her I’m sorry she has to come across it so much.

It's just horrible, isn't it?
What do you advise your DDs to do? Ignore? Does it tempt you to say don't go out alone etc?

OP posts:

333FionaG · 30/04/2025 09:30

I would report the photo taking man and the follower, that behaviour is unacceptable and disgraceful. I would advise your daughter to completely ignore the comments from men, no reaction whatsoever, but get evidence and report intrusive and rude behaviour. What kind of man follows teenagers and takes photos?

TY78910 · 30/04/2025 09:34

I would report photo taking to the non emergency service. It’s not okay. The other stuff you can’t prevent, other than telling someone to bugger off but teenage girls would likely be uncomfortable with doing this.

I was driving the other morning and a lady was walking up the hill in leggings and a top. Nothing inappropriate, just figure hugging. A man in a mini van (stereotype I know) was driving in the opposite direction and I saw him, slow down, tilt his whole upper body to get a good look at the woman. It was so obvious I shook my head in disbelief. I have no issue with a man finding a woman attractive but this was another level. I’d love to know if he realises how creepy that makes him look!!

CiaoMeow · 30/04/2025 09:40

There's nothing you can do, really. They will get leered at and ogled at when they're out. It's revolting but a fact of life. I would tell DD just ignore and not react but she does have to be aware of it to stay safe. As for the photo taking, as PP said, report it to non-emergency service.

Original poster

BeamMeUpSnotty · 30/04/2025 09:44

Thanks, all.

You're right about the photo taking - is it worth reporting? DD probably wouldn't report it herself, or be willing to do anything about it, but I suppose it's not necessary for her to say anything for me to get it reported?

The "staying safe" thing is the bit I don't really know how to ensure she does. Sure, you can ignore comments, etc., but ignoring it won't cut it if you're being followed. I can't believe it all seems to blatant and the teenagers all seem to have stories of it. It's horrific.

OP posts:

TweetingHurricane · 30/04/2025 09:46

It’s awful and it hasn’t slowed down in my mid 40s so she is in it for the long haul, one of the depressing things about being a woman. Sometimes I think they can’t help it. I try and block out their presence but when I’m wearing dark sunglasses I subtly look at the cars and vans passing me and 9/10 the men are turning their heads to stare. As a woman when I’m driving I would never think to take my eye off the road to look at a man. It feels like we are prey items
But then we are around our male family members and friends and don’t see them doing stuff like that so we separate them. But I think they all must do it when on their own. Biology I guess but I hate it.

Original poster

BeamMeUpSnotty · 30/04/2025 09:49

TweetingHurricane · 30/04/2025 09:46

It’s awful and it hasn’t slowed down in my mid 40s so she is in it for the long haul, one of the depressing things about being a woman. Sometimes I think they can’t help it. I try and block out their presence but when I’m wearing dark sunglasses I subtly look at the cars and vans passing me and 9/10 the men are turning their heads to stare. As a woman when I’m driving I would never think to take my eye off the road to look at a man. It feels like we are prey items
But then we are around our male family members and friends and don’t see them doing stuff like that so we separate them. But I think they all must do it when on their own. Biology I guess but I hate it.

Edited

Yes, I just cannot imagine the men I know doing this, but I suppose at least some of them must....

I'm mid 40s too, and it's definitely settled down for me now. Invisibility is far better.

OP posts:

CiaoMeow · 30/04/2025 09:52

I wouldn't say don't go out alone. I don't think that's viable and why should she not be able to go out alone? But there's not way round it.

It's a horrible awakening at that age to be minding your own business as usual and then you gradually become aware of it happening.

You can only make sure you give her sensible advice and put in safety measures as much as you can, such as knowing who she's with and where she's going and making sure she has her phone.

And make sure she understands, it's not her, it's them.

FrenchandSaunders · 30/04/2025 09:53

When my DD was about 13 I was stunned at the amount of men who would openly ogle her. She was tall for her age but there was no doubt that she was very young. And a lot of these men were in their 30s, with a pushchair containing a baby daughter of their own.

TweetingHurricane · 30/04/2025 09:55

BeamMeUpSnotty · 30/04/2025 09:49

Yes, I just cannot imagine the men I know doing this, but I suppose at least some of them must....

I'm mid 40s too, and it's definitely settled down for me now. Invisibility is far better.

Show quote history

I said to my mum that I can’t wait for the pervy men to disappear and she said it doesn’t end, she was getting men trying it on in her 70s! One stalked her. But she said the weirdos who like young women stopped obviously.
The price of being female

TweetingHurricane · 30/04/2025 09:57

CiaoMeow · 30/04/2025 09:52

I wouldn't say don't go out alone. I don't think that's viable and why should she not be able to go out alone? But there's not way round it.

It's a horrible awakening at that age to be minding your own business as usual and then you gradually become aware of it happening.

You can only make sure you give her sensible advice and put in safety measures as much as you can, such as knowing who she's with and where she's going and making sure she has her phone.

And make sure she understands, it's not her, it's them.

It’s really horrible because one minute men are all fatherly with you and seem caring, then you develop tiny breasts 12/13 and they want to fuck you. It was really unsettling
fucking perverts

BlueEyedBogWitch · 30/04/2025 09:59

“Oi, you! Behave yourself, perving over kids!”
Plus an evil stare.

redcord · 30/04/2025 10:00

DD gets ogled/unwelcome comments in her school uniform. Walking to school. So yeah, it's revolting. She sees it and she knows, just as I have known, and my mother before me. And so the world for women keeps turning...

Middleagedstriker · 30/04/2025 10:06

My niece, who is autistic and very direct, was walking past a group of men in their early 20s. One asked if she would like to go out for a drink. She replied "I'm 13, I don't go out with paedophiles". His mates all laughed at him.

She wears what she wants but by men could be perceived as "sexy" clothes and gets a huge amount of vile men commenting. She hates the attention but refuses to change how she dresses.

I admire and worry about her in equal measure.

TY78910 · 30/04/2025 10:06

BeamMeUpSnotty · 30/04/2025 09:44

Thanks, all.

You're right about the photo taking - is it worth reporting? DD probably wouldn't report it herself, or be willing to do anything about it, but I suppose it's not necessary for her to say anything for me to get it reported?

The "staying safe" thing is the bit I don't really know how to ensure she does. Sure, you can ignore comments, etc., but ignoring it won't cut it if you're being followed. I can't believe it all seems to blatant and the teenagers all seem to have stories of it. It's horrific.

I think it depends how much information you have. Do you have an accurate description? CCTV is a great one if it’s there / residents have cameras but if you’re only able to say ‘man in park wearing black on Monday around midday’ it might not be enough.

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 30/04/2025 10:09

Oh this so horrible isn’t it? My daughter is 18 and she HATES it. It’s been happening since she was about 14.

I’ve said to her - terribly unfeministly- that it is going to happen to her for the next 30+ years and she’s just going to have to put up with it. I honestly don’t know what else to tell her, and I feel sick writing it down. A lot of men are really really REALLY awful.

AmandaHoldensLips · 30/04/2025 10:13

These disgusting porn-addled men need their balls cutting off.

Oodielover · 30/04/2025 10:15

TweetingHurricane · 30/04/2025 09:57

It’s really horrible because one minute men are all fatherly with you and seem caring, then you develop tiny breasts 12/13 and they want to fuck you. It was really unsettling
fucking perverts

Show quote history

Yes,I remember a man who knew me as I grew up

(I will have met him aged about 2 when my parents moved to the house they still live in)

I've sat on his knee when he was playing santa,I played in his garden,I knew his kids and as I got a tiny bit older,I babysat them

As soon as I turned 11/12,he openly leered and made sexual comments about 'your freshly grown pubes' and 'tiny tits' (my own mother thought this was hilarious)

He died a few years ago (for some reason he was in the local paper as he was dying) and so many people saying what a good man he was

He was a fucking pervert (with 4 dds of his own) who perved over one young girl at 'best' and maybe many more at 'worst'

He wasn't the first and by god,he's not the last

I'm 47 now,kids all grown up and im a granny and I still get men acting the same way

My own dds would come home and tell me what crap they'd had to put up with that day

Nothing changes

Kathbrownlow · 30/04/2025 10:48

The trouble is, you cannot tell when it is going to escalate. Some men 'just' stare, but what about the ones who then go on to do more? I don't have an answer, but perhaps some laws could be tightened? Although I'm not sure how that could work...

I feel very sorry for young women. I am very old and as a pp said above, even I get the odd weird 'pensioner perver' 😮

Paganpentacle · 30/04/2025 10:51

Just tell her to shout Paedo at them...

Dogsaresomucheasier · 30/04/2025 10:59

Report photo taking creeps, reassure her she is not, in fact, asking for it and wait for the glorious day she finds her anger.

I have never forgotten one of mine walking past a pub with outside tables and having a pissed up idiot pass judgement on her tits. I doubt he has either and the rightful party left that encounter suitably embarrassed. She was 15 and I was absolutely bursting with pride!

Worldgonecrazy · 30/04/2025 11:00

All we can do is call it out, if it is safe to do so.

We should also not be afraid to correct people who say, he is such a lovely man, we should say ‘no he is a lecherous creep’. My ex FIL was one such creep - it didn’t change his behaviour but at least he and his family knew that I considered his behaviour unacceptable. Small steps ….

Kathbrownlow · 30/04/2025 11:01

The trouble is, as I said above, you don't know what will happen if you call these vile specimens out. Who remembers that case in France a few years ago when a woman called out some creep and he went berserk, throwing things at her etc