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Original poster

Does it sound like nephew has ADHD?

44 replies

4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 15:48

We have been on a big family holiday for 10 days and I am knackered. I have two DC 5 and 8 who are generally pretty well behaved, NT, have their moments but generally good kids. My nephew is lovely but is so so hard work but I’m reflecting on the week wondering if he has ADHD or whether as his parents say he’s ’just a little boy’.
He is constantly moving- dancing around, kicking his arms and legs out, flailing around. It’s literally constant which is fine sometimes but in restaurants or by a road it’s stressful. He’s sooo loud from 6am until he goes to bed. He doesn’t follow instructions and needs asking so many times to do anything. When he gets told off (eg told to not flail next to the road for the hundredth time or told off for running near another family in a restaurant) he immediately cries and says sorry again and again. He bursts into tears at almost everything and is very emotional.
I know it’s hard to tell from this but it’s exhausting to be around. His parents just ignore all the behaviour unless it’s quite extreme so I wonder if a lot of it is parenting, they tag and in and out napping a lot so I think they are burnt out too.
Do I just not say anything and avoid family holidays again? Hope he grows out of it?

OP posts:
AquaPeer · 20/04/2025 15:49

Other people’s children are generally pretty annoying. How old is he?

Emptybookshelves3 · 20/04/2025 15:53

That sounds like ADHD. Symptoms are high level of impulsivity, acting as if driven by a motor, emotional sensitivity.

it also sounds like he can’t help it. He isn’t acting up for attention or to cause trouble. It sounds like it’s just how he is. Otherwise, he wouldn’t apologise.

Another sign which isn’t talked about as much is parental exhaustion. Parents of hyperactive kids are often worn out and exhausted by it.

This also isn’t about bad parenting. Kids don’t behave like this because they haven’t been told off enough

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 15:53

Sorry he’s 7. Haha I know but he’s my nephew I love him but it’s hard. I’m used to having kids for play dates and friends kids but perhaps it is just someone else’s kids for that long. They parent very differently to us as well, they’re lovely but maybe that doesn’t help as difficult to have boundaries etc.

OP posts:

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5 year olds Families
Pleaseshutthefuckup · 20/04/2025 15:54

It doesn't sound like an experience you're enjoying so it's fine to not do that again anytime soon. Maybe make a gentle excuse for the next invite.

I agree it sounds like ND as opposed to parenting. As a fellow parent in this situation, you learn to pick your battles or you won't survive a day. They're dealing with this every single day remember. So they will be doing the right and only thing to let some things go.

If no one is coming to you for advice or support, it might not be appreciated to say ND suspicion. It's still a subject that can be emotive. They might already know. There's an incredibly high chance one parent is also ND with heritability factors.

Emptybookshelves3 · 20/04/2025 15:56

4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 15:53

Sorry he’s 7. Haha I know but he’s my nephew I love him but it’s hard. I’m used to having kids for play dates and friends kids but perhaps it is just someone else’s kids for that long. They parent very differently to us as well, they’re lovely but maybe that doesn’t help as difficult to have boundaries etc.

7 is the age where NT kids start to calm down, making ADHD behaviour stand out even more.

i think if you’re noticing it as different from your own kids, then he’s probably ND

have you discussed with your sibling?

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 15:56

@Emptybookshelves3 i agree and sorry I’m not saying they’re bad parents or it’s their fault at all. If anything it looks objectively how I imagine ADHD to be and I feel like they need support as it must be hard to be with all the time.

OP posts:
Pleaseshutthefuckup · 20/04/2025 15:58

4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 15:56

@Emptybookshelves3 i agree and sorry I’m not saying they’re bad parents or it’s their fault at all. If anything it looks objectively how I imagine ADHD to be and I feel like they need support as it must be hard to be with all the time.

Some people react badly at any suggestions made unless they're actively considering it themselves or asking for opinions.

They will come to a place quite soon where they'll probably face it if they're not sure just yet. Because school becomes very difficult and the wheels fall off usually in the next few years onwards.

Bigfatsunandclouds · 20/04/2025 16:02

Sounds exactly like ADHD to me and they really can't help it. It's exhausting as a parent and although it can seem lax at times, it's from pure exhaustion and not wanting to tell them off all the time, definitely pick your battles. I have been on holidays with friends and family but always have separate accommodations and our days look very different to their children's to avoid meltdowns and sensory overload.

Have you talked to his parents about ADHD because they probably think it but having someone validate them can push them to want a diagnosis.

Emptybookshelves3 · 20/04/2025 16:02

No need to apologise @4pmwinetimebebeh ! Just pointing out that if it was bad parenting, he wouldn’t be behaving like this.

My son is ADHD and he’s exhausting to be around. ( he has calmed down now he’s older, but ages 7-11 was peak.

as pps have pointed out, not everyone welcomes ND being suggested ( I have friends with kids who seem ND, but I’ve never raised it with them because it won’t go down well)

do you think his parents would be open to the suggestion? Maybe by pointing out how exhausting it might be for them?

it would help your DN to understand and receive help for the symptoms

sarahbear87 · 20/04/2025 16:07

sounds like ADHD too me, my son has it and he's very similar never stops moving from the min he gets up to the Min he goes to sleep, I love him to death but it is exhausting! his parents are prob knackered. x

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 16:21

Have you talked to his parents about ADHD because they probably think it but having someone validate them can push them to want a diagnosis.

i haven’t for a couple of reasons- they’re both teachers (secondary) so I assume ND would be very much on their radar and they would be aware it could be the case so sort of have been waiting for them to bring it up. Also for me this is the first time I’ve seen the extent of his hyperactivity really- we’ve been away as a family before but when they’re 2 or 5 his behaviour wasn’t that different to a typical excited toddler or small child it’s only as he’s got older and he hasn’t grown out of it that it is more unusual if that makes sense.

OP posts:
MummytoE · 20/04/2025 16:25

Is it your sister's son, or your brothers? How close are you to them? Will they react well to you gently bringing it up

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 20/04/2025 16:27

My son is Autistic with ADHD and Tourettes tics. Teachers perceived him as NT and instead ' naughty '. I had to explain, present diagnosis reports and so on.

Even though they're parents and teachers, sometimes you just don't fully see it. Or you feel unsure and go straight to self blame. That's what mums do, they think it's them. So ADHD really might not be on their radar. Especially with the chance your sibling or partner is also ND.

You could test the waters but maybe they won't appreciate it. There's no way to easily access assessments anymore without waiting years and years and being encouraged to go away.

If they're financially strapped and you in combination with them and any living parents could support them in paying for an assessment - that would be of value. That would make it very worth exploring with them. If they're going to be receptive.

Namemenameme · 20/04/2025 16:46

Sounds like my 5yo. His pediatrician says he's got adhd but he's not formally diagnosed as he's not old enough yet.

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 16:59

MummytoE · 20/04/2025 16:25

Is it your sister's son, or your brothers? How close are you to them? Will they react well to you gently bringing it up

Brothers son. I’m not sure how they’d react, not terribly we have a good relationship and I’m tactful but if he turns out not to be I don’t want them to feel I’m criticising their child or saying he’s not ‘normal’.

OP posts:
ScrewtopRose · 20/04/2025 17:05

Yes. Saying that, it’s good to know that there is more than one variation of adhd. Because I didn’t know this until DH was diagnosed late in life with inattentive adhd. Inattentive types don’t tend to bounce around the room or be very loud. They are often obedient children who follow the rules but they have very busy brains, struggle to focus, get overwhelmed easily and tend to be very anxious. I think often people only think of adhd as the hyper type boys but it’s so much more complex.

OxfordInkling · 20/04/2025 17:23

Sounds like ADHD. I wouldn’t mention it if they don’t though - it’s exhausting and they could be in denial or struggling with their own expectations.

sarahbear87 · 20/04/2025 17:29

I wouldn't jump in and say I think X has ADHD but op could you mention it in a more subtle way, and see if it opens up a conversation about it. if you have noticed traits of ADHD in him from one holiday, you can bet that they themselves have considered it.i knew with my ds long before anyone else said anything /he got diagnosed . you could say something such as "wow X has lots of energy doesn't he "and see if it opens up a conversation and then you could discuss your thoughts freely if it comes from them. it is such a tricky one because you never know how a comment may be taken even the most well meaning.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 20/04/2025 17:54

ScrewtopRose · 20/04/2025 17:05

Yes. Saying that, it’s good to know that there is more than one variation of adhd. Because I didn’t know this until DH was diagnosed late in life with inattentive adhd. Inattentive types don’t tend to bounce around the room or be very loud. They are often obedient children who follow the rules but they have very busy brains, struggle to focus, get overwhelmed easily and tend to be very anxious. I think often people only think of adhd as the hyper type boys but it’s so much more complex.

I was coming on to say this too. The stereotypical behaviours the op is describing certainly sounds like the behaviour of my nephew at that age and he has ADHD.

However, the assumption that this is the only way it presents is not helpful, particularly for girls who tend to present differently. There is the inattentive form you have described but you can also have high achieving ADHD with hyper focus, which is what my dd has. She was never in trouble in school, did extremely well academically but was (and still is) very scattered in day to day life. She wasn't diagnosed until adulthood and that was only because it tends to be a co-morbidity for a condition she has.

OP - I would say nothing unless asked. As his behaviour sounds like the expected presentation, I suspect his teachers will bring it up. Many parents would not welcome a suggestion that their dc is nd.

Silsatrip · 20/04/2025 18:13

My ADHD child was about 7 when I bumped into a neighbour who also had a 7 year old, and I went for coffee with her and her 7 year old.

I was in shock. The child just sat there and had her drink.

My child would have been under the table, kicking the chair, complaining, wanting to go after the first 5 minutes

Sometimes you just don't see what is in front of you, it's your normal.

It's not the parenting. It's not too much tomato ketchup, like my mother suggested!

They can be 2-3 years after their peers in development, e.g. at 7 years, would have acted more like a 4-5 year old (including being more emotional).

I'm not sure how you could approach it tactfully, but imo it is great to get a diagnosis, the kids just get so much negative feedback, it's really hard.

Marble10 · 20/04/2025 18:17

Sounds like my son, I am exhausted. Everyone always wonders why I can be exhausted with only one child, but people who knows us on a deeper level have told me my son is more work than all 3
of their kids.
He is so noisy, singing, stimming, funny noises which only get worse throughout the day.
It’s like having 6 years of a toddler.

Marble10 · 20/04/2025 18:19

Silsatrip · 20/04/2025 18:13

My ADHD child was about 7 when I bumped into a neighbour who also had a 7 year old, and I went for coffee with her and her 7 year old.

I was in shock. The child just sat there and had her drink.

My child would have been under the table, kicking the chair, complaining, wanting to go after the first 5 minutes

Sometimes you just don't see what is in front of you, it's your normal.

It's not the parenting. It's not too much tomato ketchup, like my mother suggested!

They can be 2-3 years after their peers in development, e.g. at 7 years, would have acted more like a 4-5 year old (including being more emotional).

I'm not sure how you could approach it tactfully, but imo it is great to get a diagnosis, the kids just get so much negative feedback, it's really hard.

I relate to every word. I often say it’s like having a toddler but for 6 solid years

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/04/2025 18:57

I’m sorry to you that struggle even though the kids are absolutely lovely I’m sure. I can totally see that- nephew was more work and more than my two combined. Maybe if they suggest anything I’ll gently support them to consider possible ND as I can see it going that way and they’d all hopefully get more support and information.

OP posts:
fedup1212 · 20/04/2025 19:01

Definitely sounds as if he’s exhibiting ADHD symptoms. My DD10 has ADHD and is very hyper, the usual ADHD traits. It can make parenting that much harder. If you have a good relationship with your brother then I’d gently bring it up.

Sparkling2006 · 20/04/2025 19:06

His parents just ignore all the behaviour unless it’s quite extreme so I wonder if a lot of it is parenting, they tag and in and out napping a lot so I think they are burnt out too.

If they are ignoring his bad behaviour he is not being parented properly and it’s not fair on him.