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Original poster

Contact with your kids while they are at university

35 replies

Seymourscat · 19/04/2025 03:55

Another thread made me think about this.

DD goes to uni in September. I will miss her a lot. When I went away there were no mobiles. My parents got a weekly call from a call box. I didn’t see them until the holidays.

Contrast this to now. Friends seem to have much more regular contact. Face time, Wattsapp messages etc and many are still using Life360 to see where their kids are. Visits home are more frequent than back on my day too.

I realise everyone is different. I’m wondering what’s realistic to expect. I’m not one for chatting in the phone myself and teenagers don’t do much of that anyway.

if your child is away at uni how much contact do you have?

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 19/04/2025 04:03

We had regular WhatsApp messages (every few days) plus the occasional phone call for a proper chat.

One of mine was at Cambridge, which isn't that far from here and where I sometimes have to go for hospital appointments, so when I was there we would meet up for a coffee etc.

aramox1 · 19/04/2025 06:43

First fortnight: texts every day or 2
Subsequently: once a week max, usually a picture from me with a response 'yh' or 'fine'. Slight increase in contact as money runs low at end of term.
Have a family whatsapp (just us and ds) but we try not to overload with links etc. No memes!

DustyLee123 · 19/04/2025 06:44

Mine generally answered my text a week or two later.

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Families
LuluDelulu · 19/04/2025 06:57

I really think it depends SO much on the personality of each child as well as their relationship with their parents. I’d call my mum for a quick chat almost every day, and text every day, but we’ve always been very close. My brother and sister would go weeks without contact but they have different personalities.

angelcake20 · 19/04/2025 07:38

Completely dependent upon the child. We ring DS once a week and have a good chat but he never rings us. I expected the same with DD but she’s finding it really hard going and we speak pretty much every evening. Friends have a similar range of experiences. I speak to my Mum once a fortnight or so but I have friends who still speak to their mothers most days.

BoldRed · 19/04/2025 07:41

whatsapp all the time. Chat frequently too even if just for a couple of minutes, often from the car. Swap pictures of food, the dog, charity shop finds etc.

KnutsfordCityLimits · 19/04/2025 07:46

Snapchat. All the time! I think the advantage with Snapchat is that it’s set up to just take a picture and send it, you don’t have to communicate anything particularly meaningful in text. But again, obviously it depends on the relationship, DD and I have always been close and that continued throughout university, and now she’s got a job.

MinkyWales · 19/04/2025 07:48

Occasional text exchanges with my daughter. I don’t expect anything more than that - she is busy living her life. I used to speak to my mum every couple of weeks when I was at Uni. I rarely chat to anyone on the phone, and I’d find it a bit stifling if someone was phoning me every week; I don’t have that much to say.

(My husband’s mother phones him every week and chats for hours. I have no idea how she can have So Many Words)

Sheknowsaboutme · 19/04/2025 07:49

My DD is on life 360. 1st yr was tough for her and she disappeared and left a message with her friend for us😥She was found safe and well, came home saw a gp and counsellor a d given sertaline. 2.5 yrs later she is well. Part if her worry was telling us she was gay. But 5 had absolutely nothing to worry about. A weight lifted.

but the deal was daily contact. And she introduced me to life 360. Its there. Thats it. No checking and being nosy. We respect that.

Pigeonqueen · 19/04/2025 07:50

I don’t have Snapchat or WhatsApp because I don’t like them. So dd (21) and I text. Neither of us like speaking on the phone so we just text a lot, usually several times a day. It isn’t anything groundbreaking or long though - often her just sending me a pic of something she’s brought and I’ll say that’s nice or me sending a pic of the cat! Every few days I might say are you okay / how’s things and we’ll have a short exchange. She’s in her 4th year away now (masters). She comes home every 2/3 months for a week or so.

rookiemere · 19/04/2025 07:54

We have a family whatsapp that DS is actually quite responsive on, plus his uni is only an hour away so he comes back quite often. At first I was a bit worried this meant he wasn’t enjoying uni, but found out it is common amongst his peers.
He has now been back from the start of April and apart from one exam, will be here - bar a holiday- until September.

DoggerelBank · 19/04/2025 07:58

Different for my DCs. Youngest went more than a month at the start without anything more than the shortest text to confirm still alive after multiple texts from us. Nowadays, he's happy to chat if you phone him at a time he's not rushing or in the library, but will virtually never reply to a text or initiate a call himself. The older ones more regular and forthcoming, esp when they first went there, but worked better when timing was on their terms rather than us initiating.

One thing to bear in mind is you might hear from them more when things aren't going so well and they're a bit bored or worried, but you're less likely to hear from them when things are going great. So that can distort your impression of how things are going overall. Also, they may go silent when everything is a full-on disaster as well as when things are great. In our case, we got used to silence being good news, until it wasn't.

Whatwouldnanado · 19/04/2025 07:59

Facebook messenger and group chat every couple of days photos etc. FaceTime too, we prop phone up in the kitchen and chat while cooking etc. I let them lead it, wouldn’t want to be overbearing. They know where we are, no news good news and all that.

RampantIvy · 19/04/2025 08:02

It depends what is going on in their life. When DD was happy or busy she would send the odd photo. When she was unhappy I would get phone calls, mainly late at night.

Ss long as I knew DD was OK that was fine by me.

Gundogday · 19/04/2025 08:07

Daily phonecalls or messages initially. Now we FaceTime weekly most weeks, although if he busy can be missed, and other times will call more.

I was in the ‘weekly phonecall at a public phone box’ era as well. I know not the point of this thread, but I wonder if it made us more independent and resilient.

florizel13 · 19/04/2025 08:14

We WhatsApp either individually or in the family chat group, and occasional video call, but I don’t want to come across as too full-on as I think he needs to gain his independence away from home. He’ll WhatsApp more frequently if he’s worried about something like exams coming up. When things are going well I don’t hear from him much and he takes much longer to answer my messages 😄

grafittiartist · 19/04/2025 08:21

I or they both call every other day or so- instigated my them. I had no expectations.
i do really like the family what’s app though- as when it was just one child away- it felt like a way to include them, and for us all to be together.
finding a good time for chatting helps- as I walk home from work, they are both usually free, so we chat then.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 19/04/2025 08:23

Dd1 and I message throughout the day both privately and through family group chat. Lots of messages, videos and gifs throughout the day. We usually also video call about once a week and rarely go for more than a month without either her coming back or us going to visit (we usually meet somewhere for a day out).

this may be a lot to some people but we’re happy with it. Dd doesn’t have really long holidays where she’s home for months without either her course so we all like to see each other little and often. She only gets 2 weeks Easter rather than the usual 4 and has been away with friends for a week and now now for a week.

daffodilandtulip · 19/04/2025 08:27

Daughter just finishing year one. She's only been home for Christmas and Easter, but it is a fair distance away plus all her friends from home went to nearby unis and they visit each other there. There's no need to come home really, and it's only 12 weeks or so.

She never answers my texts but this is her personality- she's well known in her friendship group for it 😂. She'll message something about how a washing machine works or asking about ingredients or something, read my reply and not reply back. I'll still message though so she knows I care ... but then I had a disastrous few weeks and didn't message her and suddenly she started messaging all the time...

MargaretThursday · 19/04/2025 08:30

Dd1 regularly a 1-2 he call at same time each week. Occasional texts or phone calls outside that
Dd2 I might have a day of 30 texts and a call, then nothing for a fortnight or more.
On the whole, the less I hear from her, the better time she's having.

oakl79 · 19/04/2025 08:40

Most days my ds and I text.

Panicmode1 · 19/04/2025 08:54

I think it depends on the child and their course. DS1 is at Cambridge doing a STEM subject so has long hours - in his first year there were periodic WhatsApps during term but not much chat - but terms were short so he was home often. Contact has ramped up over his time there as he's learnt to deal better with the workload and pressure and he now calls for a long chat at least once a week and Whatapps us and his siblings often.

DD - who I am super close to - barely made contact in her first term as she was having a blast. I found that hard but now she's in her second year there is much more regular contact and she's been home for reading weeks etc (she's further away than DS1).

I've been led by them really...but if I feel I haven't heard from them I send them a silly pic of the dog to elicit a response!

We all went to Thailand at Christmas and I cherished the time we had together, knowing that graduation and leaving home is on the horizon - but know they have good roots even as they stretch their wings!

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 19/04/2025 09:02

My ds messages every day, and we video chat a couple of times a week for a couple of hours a time too, we see each other every couple of months as well.

I'm led by him, he has an intense course and works at least 30 hours a week too atm. I wasn't sure how much contact there would be, but he's very close to his siblings and I so I'm not surprised contact is so frequent.

Original poster
Seymourscat · 19/04/2025 09:32

Thank for the interesting range of responses. I have no expectations really so will see what transpires.

Life 360 won’t be used though that’s for sure. I was surprised so many kids are fine with it. I wouldn’t be and DD wouldn’t. I have a friend who’s constantly checking up on her 20 yo son. Then calls him to berate him for being out til 5 am. I don’t want to go that route.

thanks.

OP posts:
MsPenguins · 19/04/2025 09:37

Our DD just has 9 week terms so is home almost as much as she is away. During term time it's very full on and she's enjoying it so it's just the odd WhatsApp message, she's busy rowing every day, doing course and socialising every evening. I am just glad she's enjoying it. When she's back in the holidays she chats though she also continues to row and works in a sporty job and meets up with lots of others. Sometimes she goes away in the holidays to like to see her boyfriend and to rowing camp. Did a holiday with her to Borneo just before she started. In her first year now. It's also good to try and find things yourself to do.

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