Contact with your kids while they are at university

[Seymourscat]

Another thread made me think about this.

DD goes to uni in September. I will miss her a lot. When I went away there were no mobiles. My parents got a weekly call from a call box. I didn’t see them until the holidays.

Contrast this to now. Friends seem to have much more regular contact. Face time, Wattsapp messages etc and many are still using Life360 to see where their kids are. Visits home are more frequent than back on my day too.

I realise everyone is different. I’m wondering what’s realistic to expect. I’m not one for chatting in the phone myself and teenagers don’t do much of that anyway.

if your child is away at uni how much contact do you have?

@Seymourscat it is tough for mums on the build up to going tbh. But it is their time to spread their wings and find their own way. After the A level stress has passed you will worry - same as you worry when they learn to drive or go on holiday without you. Plus if your DD going leaves you with an empty nest it’ll change your life too.

I think the amount of comms depends on your relationship now really. My DD texts/whatsapps all of the time plus calls pretty much most days - but she did that anyway and was in boarding for her last year of school which eased her into Uni life. She sends more when she’s not on a deadline and I get the usual ‘this top says handwashing but could I put it on an x washing cycle’ texts. Or ‘what can I do with some potatoes and chorizo’…Just like a PP said, swapping a photo of something amusing without the expectation of a reply is a good way to keep the channels open. DD is at Uni in a different country so I can’t pop to see her for lunch but she does come home for birthdays/Mother’s Day etc.

For now, keep on communicating as you do now. Make sure she can look after herself once she’s away and then try and think of different things you can do for yourself after she’s started Uni. It can actually be quite liberating as well as a useful distraction.

As others have said, depends on the child. DD1 used to phone regularly for chats, but DD2 (always less of a "sharer") only instigates contact if she needs something. But we have a family WhatsApp so often there will be little interactions. If I haven't heard from DD2 for a couple of weeks I'll give her a call for a catchup. But in general, if they are happily enjoying life, they forget about their parents at home, and that's fine.

The whole family share on Life360, but I have to be careful not to comment on late nights etc, or I'll be accused of stalking. It's handy to check where they are before I call, and we use it a lot when we are meeting up, or shopping together etc. I know some kids would rather die than share their location, but mine are fine with it, as long as I don't weaponise it. If I know one of them is out late, or in Central London, it's a huge comfort to know they are home safe without having to wait for them to let me know.

Dd is at uni, we have a family chat and we all post things in it, sometimes it's daily sometimes a couple of times a week, it just depends. We send memes, photos and our daily wordle/connections etc stats. Inane stuff sometimes but that's what I like about it, it's still a connection

Our son is in his second year. He puts something on the family WhatsApp most days and we chat on FaceTime a couple of times a week usually. We do all have the find my app but we never check where he is when he’s at uni and rarely when he’s at home. He comes home for holidays, occasional weekends and family/friend events. He’s happy at uni, has lots of friends but we’ve always been a close family so it’s nice that he’s chosen to stay in contact often.

I’d never heard of Life360 until this thread. So far if needed (rarely) we can use FindMy on the iPhone. It’s weird to me to need to know every aspect of a young persons movements, it’d send me silly with worry. It also seems intrusive.

Mine have just graduated. Mostly it was a phone call a week. Topical WhatsApp if something g cropped up. They are independent, not their job to reassure my fussing and fretting.

If I hear nothing I WhatsApp photos of the cats. I think DD's flat group chat shares photos of each other's pets so it's fodder for that. That and asking what's for dinner, DS will send a photo of that, even if that's the only info I've had about his day.

That said DS2 should be going in September and given 99% of all phone comms at the moment are about when is tea and can he have a lift, I doubt I hear much from him.

WhatsApp most days, one maybe two messages, quite often photos of what she has cooked. How her job has been, annoying landlords etc.
Once in a while great long WhatsApp messaging sessions for a couple of hours. Voice conversations tend to be when she is feeling blue.
I follow her on IG (always have since she was younger) but only like, I don't comment.
She comes home during the holidays for a day or two, plus maybe another visit once a term. We visit her once a term too, as she lives somewhere lovely and only a couple of hours away.

Thanks all. I should have searched as there was a similar thread in February!

im not worried about her. I will miss her of course but she’s definitely ready to move out and be more independent. Exciting for her really.

Yes!
I was going to say I think whatsapp or Snapchat are great as you can maintain the relationship and check they are ok without it being this huge big deal that a telephone call would be.
We often swap photos of meals out - DS used to be a fussy eater and I love that he goes to exotic restaurants now mostly because they are cheaper - and it’s just such a low key and easy way to communicate.