Has your child ever “gone missing”

[Hipposat]

Yesterday 4yo DS2 went missing for ten minutes (although it felt like hours) Me, him, DH and DS1 were at an outdoor fair. DS1 was on a ride with DH and I took DS2 to the bouncy castles. All was fine, then DS1 came over to say DH had sent him over to get his phone off me (it was in my bag) I must have had my eyes off DS2 for roughly 5 seconds, turned back round to watch him on the bouncy castle and he was no where to be seen.

All 3 of us were running around shouting his name, asking people if they had seen a little boy walking around on his own, told a member of staff about the situation and they were helping us look for him and they stopped letting anyone in or out. At this point I am trying my best to stay calm but also trying not to throw up from fear. God it was absolutely terrifying. It was such a large space with hundreds of people. So scary.

DS1 eventually spotted him at the top of a fun house running around having the time of his life. I’ve never felt relief like it. I actually cried when I got hold of him. He is autistic so doesn’t understand the danger of just running off from us and wouldn’t have been able to tell anybody he was lost etc so this made it all seem even worse. We recently got rid of his reins as he was doing really well without them but I am going to order some again I think😅

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I barely slept last night with guilt

She still loves taking her shoes and socks off the minute she's home from school.

Also someone mentioned leaving a pram outside a shop my mum done that with her wee brother The first time she took him out for a walk in his pram. She's 13 years older than him.

Yes, my 4 yo middle child once went missing in Harrods food hall. We were on a trip out with my sister's who were visiting.

He did actually make the funniest remark ever though on that same day, he tossed a coin into a fountain and made a wish, his wish...I wish I had a coin

Yep, at a garden centre for about 20 minutes. I’d left her with H: she was being naughty and ran off; he was being a dick and let her. Two older ladies found her and took her to the customer service desk. We got the announcement over the tannoy. Older ladies and staff member blamed me. I was so angry with all of them (and relieved), I was a sobbing wreck.

Ds had gone with his aunt & uncle to their house, he was 4, 20 minutes later the doorbell went, ds had walked home on his own without telling them. It was only a 2 minute walk, when I rang them, they didn't even know he was missing, I lost my shit at that stage.

We had a caravan on the same site as in-laws, bil & sil, we always kept a close eye on ds as there were 4 lakes on site, we used windbreaks to make a safe area for him to play without being able to get out, I had gone in the caravan to make lunch leaving ds playing in & out of the awning, his dad was fishing. I came back to give ds his lunch & he was gone, I shouted & no answer, his dad heard me & came back to find me frantic, we split up & went searching, couldn't find him, I went across to the site office to check he wasn't there, the site warden offered to dial 999 because there were possibilities of him either having been abducted or fallen in the lake & drowned, he had been missing for 15 minutes. She was just going to ring when mil turned up with ds to buy him a lolly, she had decided to take him with her when she walked the dog, had just lifted him over the windbreak without telling me because she knew I would have said no. Both me & his dad completely lost our shit at her, she sulked & made fil pack up the caravan & went home.

Exh family had form for this, treated ds like he was a possession they could take whenever they wanted, when I was in the middle of severe and, having problems bonding with ds, I went upstairs to get changed, exh allowed his sister to take ds & not bring him back for 4 hours, he was 3 weeks old, he was then too spineless to make her bring him back & wouldn't let me either. When she finally brought him back he was screaming from hunger & wet through. These are some of the reasons exh is an ex, it was the happiest day of my life when I was no longer a member of his family.

Don't feel guilty, it's normal. Most kids do it. We need eyes in the backs of our heads.
Toddlers want to explore and they don't see danger. Absolutely terrifying.

All of mine briefly went missing at some point, despite my being a careful and attentive parent, as are you, and were fortunately returned safely.

One wandered off in town at about 6, found himself lost and handed himself in at the police station!

I certainly wouldn't judge anyone whose toddlers escaped despite their parents' best efforts, having been in that situation myself.

Over the years I have intercepted several small children in the wild and returned them to their parents. Some parents were frantic, some didn't even know their child had got out.
I'd just say 'They do this!'

Twice- both with child number 2 (I think keeping an eye on more than one just makes it that much harder!). Ten minutes or so lost in a theme park, they were 3 and one second stood next to me and the next gone. Thankfully another mum realising she was lost picked her up and stood in one place looking for anyone searching. The other time she was just turned four and disappeared in the giant soft play frame. Took about ten minutes to find her, she'd decided to hide in a tube and not move way up at the top and back of the frame. God that sick panic feeling is something else.

Yes 🙊 and it haunts you forever.

1. DS1 aged 10 days. I left him in the clothing aisle in M&S then realized something was missing at the checkout. 🙃

1. Also DS1 hid in a wardrobe in IKEA, found not before I put out a missing child announcement on the tannoy.

1. DS3 toddled off on the pier, causing DD to cry because she thought we'd lost him (fair play so did I but was tired and used to it by then. 😂)

Interestingly DD never disappeared but now she does it all the time age 18 and you actually never really get used to it. 😞

Omg @ghostyslovesheetslol I used to love ‘going missing’ in Asda so I could get my name called over the tannoy. I used to actively seek out customer services while my mum was distracted.

My then 3yo went missing at the local country park, told her that we were leaving so she decided to run through to a part of the playpark you can't see into, by the time I'd got round with her sister in the pram she had vanished. After what felt like hours running around screaming her name I spotted her next to the huge pond but she was hysterical and running in the opposite direction, she was crying that loudly she couldn't hear me shouting. Thankfully a lovely older lady stopped her and waited with her until I could catch up to her. she put herself off ever running off again, traumatised us both!

Once.
We were at a very small soft play for toddlers, designed so you can see the entire play area from the floor.
DD1 was about 2 and a half, and was in a ball pit with my friend’s DS literally 10 feet away from the seat where I was feeding my 6 month old DS. I bent down to get something out of my bag, looked back up and she was gone 🫣 Couldn’t see her anywhere in the play area.
My friend and I went in opposite directions calling her name, getting increasingly panicked. Couldn’t see her inside, so I went out the front doors towards the car park, friend went out the back doors to the garden area yelling/crying at random passersby “Have you seen a toddler in a pink tshirt?!”
Got back inside and a staff member opened a cleaning cupboard.
There was my DD, giggling “hide and seek mummy!”
🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

Arrrgh

A number of times (ahem) slack parent alert:

1. DS2 went to get a loaf of bread in the supermarket and then couldn’t see us. Cue my name being shouted over the tannoy – DS pretty cleverly had gone to customer services when he couldn’t find us. Still clutching the loaf of bread. He was about 4yo.

2. DS2 (again) left a village fete we were at and started to walk home (he got about 100 yards) – only to be met by DH and DD walking belatedly to the event. I hadn't realised DS2 had gone further than the next stall. Tbf he was only out of my sight for about a minute. He was about 3-4yo.

3. (the worst one really) DD vanished once at a Nat Trust place – we couldn't find her for what felt like about 15 very scary minutes. Then she suddenly appeared – she had apparently decided to play hide and seek. “But we called you, didn’t you hear?” “Yes but I was hiding so of course I didn’t come out”. 😂We had a chat about telling someone when you were going to start playing hide and seek, to make sure they knew. She was about 2 and a half.

Reading the thread, I also recall losing someone at a beach, but I cannot remember any details. Obviously wiped that from my mind. I think bc beaches are maybe the scariest, totally unenclosed space right by the very dangerous sea.

OMG I sound terrible. Tho these stories are making me feel a bit better. I have got three DC tho (as if that’s an excuse!). On reflection maybe that was too many haha. I still do have three but apparently only just. (All in their 20s now tho, so if they get lost it’s on them.)

I was the missing child many years ago.

I was about 4 & my friend & i decided we were more than capable of going to the shops on our own. Shops were just under a mile away so off we went.

Had a great wee wander down, stopped off briefly when we were distracted by a dog. Got to the shops by which time our little 4 year old legs were aching.

So we sat down on the kerb, anoraks off having a wee rest. For some reason we decided the next part of our adventure would involve washing our jackets in a puddle - as you do. Jackets soaked we decided to head home & thereby encountered our first problem. Where the hell was home.

Thankfully no sooner had we realised this dilemma than one of the police officers involved in the search for us spotted us

All the neighbours were out searching too

I think my poor Mum & Dad aged about 20 years

DC1 ran off. Out of our front door and legged it. We were in SW London. I had a newborn in a car seat…. Dropped newborn (not literally) on the doorstep and I ran for it too. Got to a cross roads and had no idea which way DC1 went but I could still see my front door. There I was dithering and an old man assured me he had not seen a child run past his gate but asked a young bloke coming up a side road if he had….. young bloke legged it back that way and came round to the house the long way….. found DC2
Thank gawd. Major road in : out london that way.

luckily had not got that far. Bloke Found DC1 in a side street. I had gone left out of the door when I should have gone right!!!

I tbink I aged 20 years in those 10 mins.

DC1 was just turned 4yo! And not happy about having a new sibling.

Yep! It’s terrifying. I always used to head straight for the exit of wherever I was, supermarket etc to catch them before leaving the building. Easily done.

My parents once lost my brother in Harrods at Christmas. He was gone for about 30 mins. I remember them screaming for him. He had gone in the lift down a few floors to a play area he’d been at earlier (it was a Christmas thing). He was 3 at the time.

I personally lost my daughter for about 1.5 minutes in Tesco and was already frantic (she ran off and I was too pregnant to grab her or chase her and she’d hidden under a clothes rail). I’d already imagined all the awful things that might have happened, can’t imagine living that suspended reality for 10 mins, let alone 30!

3 times. It’s terrifying.

once when he was 2 and we were at a park. DH went off with DD to a swing and I thought DS was with them. They thought he was with me. Found him at top of a slide. I cried with terror.

Then took my eyes off him at the beach and he went off on his own and once in M and S.

DS is 16 now but I can still remember the fear.

Oh OP - that must have been horrible! I haven't lost mine (yet!) but still remember being the lost child over 30 years after it happened.

My DC are autistic and as well as writing my number in sharpie on their arms on a day out, I always take a clear photo of them before we leave the house.

I read somewhere that you can forget what your child is wearing if they go missing (the effects of the panic) so if you have a photo to show people it helps. It also saves time as you can just show people rather than having to repeatedly describe their appearance.

Hugs to you!

My sister when we were about 6 & 5 on a beach , she was gone over 2 hours. I don't really remember much about it , but my mum can remember every second , some lady had found her wandering up the beach , it was very busy beach and she'd had lost sight of us , lady had then taken her home on a bus . Once the lady had got home and given my sister lunch , she rang the police and told them. When the police turned up my sister was playing in the garden on the swing set .

Not me, but DH. Took both kids to a National Trust place last summer - they had lots of activities on so a big field was full of families, straw bales, tents etc DS7 made friends and went off with them, got separated from DH who was beside himself. He got the NT staff involved who found him, after about 20 minutes I think. DS oblivious to the drama.

I don’t have kids but I’ve had that awful grip of panic when I lose sight of my dog so I can only imagine how it feels to lose a child.
It must feel like the world has stood still.

We used lose ds2 a lot, not for long period of time because we watch him like a hawk. He’s now 16 so less problematic - although still wanders off. But he gets caught up in his own world or gets an idea in his head and he’s off.

When he was younger i always took photos of him before we went out. Jacket on and off etc. He knew my mobile phone number off by heart and is to be fair quite a sensible chap and solves problems well. Terrifying.

My least favourite is loosing him when he is on a bike - because it has been years and years since any of us can catch him.

Yes once ds1 at bird world. Dh and I were distraught, security found him in a few minutes, he was completely unaware.

I didn’t mean routinely, like on a trip to the supermarket, but somewhere maybe that was exciting or extremely busy.
Our county show is a huge event, and is always absolutely heaving. As you go in they have stands with loads of paper bracelets precisely for you to write your phone number on before attaching them to your children. Most people make use of it.
It doesn’t induce anxiety, just helps you feel you’ve mitigated a risk slightly.
Having also worked in a visitor attraction where lost kids got reported regularly, I’d do it there. Zoos, theme parks, anywhere where there’s loads to look at, and it’s likely to be busy. I found it the opposite of anxiety inducing, just a precaution.

I was the missing child! Many years ago my mother walked into the bedroom one Sunday morning to find the bed empty. They searched the house and garden before going out into the street. Some neighbours helped to look for me. After about 30 minutes my mother went back into the house to call the police. Decided to check the room one more time to find I’d fallen out of bed and rolled under it! I was fast asleep, oblivious to it all! 😂

Air tags are your friend. I pop one in son’s pocket when at busy events (and when he’s on school trips!)
i don’t have a story, just the ‘fear’ !!!