At wits end with baby’s sleep

[francesf]

I just can’t function at the moment, I’m running on empty and I can’t do it anymore. Baby is 6 weeks old. From the minute I put him down in the next to me around 10pm last night he’s fussed all night long despite being regularly fed, changed and burped. I’ve spent the night constantly putting his dummy back in as he spits it out after a few minutes then cries for it back. I’m beyond exhausted. He will only settle on me which is ok during the day as I can put him in the sling but I can’t keep going on like this at night. I also have a 3 year old and it’s just not fair on him for me to be this sleep deprived and have no energy for him. My partner works away and is only home at weekends. I’ve tried co sleeping with him in my bed which makes no difference at all. He just wants to be on my chest. He sleeps in a sleeping bag and I have white noise on all night. All nights are poor but even on a slightly better night he just will not go back to sleep at all after 4/5am feed so most of my days start around 4-4:30 which just isn’t sustainable.

My oldest boy was sleeping through the night at this point and before this was doing 6/7 hour stretches so it’s a shock to the system this time round, even though I didn’t expect to be that lucky again it’s just the complete opposite. Not sure what I’m expecting here I just needed to vent but if anyone has any miracle tips please send them my way.

Also baby is formula fed, so not like he is cluster feeding.

My oldest boy was sleeping through the night at this point

It’s incredibly uncommon for a baby to sleep through the night from 6 weeks. You just need to accept you got extremely lucky to have that the first time and this is more normal.
Is your 3 year old in nursery?

It’s normal for them to be up pretty much all night long? How is anyone meant to function on no sleep every night. In a Facebook group in I’m with the same age babies, majority of them seeing to be going longer stretches around 4-7 hours on average. He goes to nursery 2 days, the rest of the days I have them both on my own.

It is very hard at this stage. Your first baby was unusual sleeping through at 6 weeks, my first slept in me until 12 weeks and wouldn’t go into her crib at all until then and didn’t sleep through the night until she was 3, my second took 6 weeks to go in his crib and still then spent half the night on me after that with lots of wakes. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things you have to get through but it’s so tough. Your partner being away is going to make this tougher too as no one to share the nights with and take turns. Do you have anyone else who can help or can help take some time off to give you a break?

4-7 hour stretches from newborn was definitely not the norm in both of my antenatal groups with 2 babies.

Yes it’s normal at 6 weeks, even at 4 months it’s normal for some babies. I spent the whole first few months like a zombie with both of mine.

Your first baby was a unicorn. My first didn’t sleep through the night til over 15 months.

i agree how are peoplr supposed to function with baby sleep , mine woke 8+ times some nights. It’s a vvv tough patch

Co-sleep. It’s honestly the only way. Your baby just wants to be near you.

Sorry to say, but it’s so normal. You just have to ride it out. So so so normal - sorry! As much as it doesn’t seem like it, you’ll get through it. Hang in there - and live on coffee and cake in the meantime X

This all sounds very normal. Do you have anyone who could pop round on the day so you can get some sleep?

A baby who sleeps all night at 6 weeks is one end of the scale and your baby sounds like he's at the other end. There are also plenty in-between. I don't think comments about it being normal are all that helpful and I sympathise that you must be exhausted.

I've no idea of your circumstances but to me either you need a family member to come and help you or your DH needs to take time off. My DS was a rubbish sleeper and I wouldn't have coped alone.

In my case DS wouldn't lie flat as he had silent reflux and was very uncomfortable and that's why he wouldn't sleep. This was a long time ago though...maybe speak to your health visitor for advice...or really hoping someone more knowledgeable than me might have some advice here.

I did say in the post that I have already tried co sleeping but it makes no difference at all. He just wants to be on my chest but I’m finding that dangerous during the night as I am seriously struggling to stay awake.

No I don’t have anyone else to help.

maybe everyone else is just better at functioning than me on no sleep but to me this isn’t sustainable.

he’s fast asleep on me now but now my toddler is awake being patented by the tv.

Maybe it’s just my sensitivity due to exhaustion but I agree I have found some of these comments a bit blunt and like it’s tough and just to suck it up.

If you husband is away all week every week then he needs to be paying for your older son to go to nursery a couple more days, he's leaving you to do all the solo parenting with a very difficult newborn

I completely sympathise, it’s really really hard and yes it does sound like you’ve got it particularly tough. I’d suggest trying the following:

hot water bottle in the cot before you put him in so it’s warm
t shirt that smells like you over the sheet
white noise machine/red light
try putting him in the cot in the day with no pressure to sleep so he gets “used” to being in there, pick him up if he cries but I’ve found they gradually extend the time they’re happy to be in there in the day and this can help them realise it’s a safe/familiar space at night

Keep going! This will pass and I’m sure he will start to sleep better soon.

Tbh I don’t think some people are better at living on no sleep. It’s awful for everyone. My husband tried to tell me I was better at being sleep deprived. No. It’s just sometimes I had no choice but to live like that until the newborn season was over

If your baby really won't sleep any other way then I'd look into chest sleeping. I did it fairly regularly with my son as the alternative was neither of us got any sleep. Just keep trying to put your baby down as they eventually will sleep next to you rather than on you but until they do that I'd plan to sleep with the baby on your chest as safely as you can.

Your FB group might get a shock when the babies are a bit older. My DD was regularly going 6 hours at night and then the 4 month regression hit and we still haven't got back to 6 hour stretches over 3 months later. She does sleep on her own though. Just not for long periods.

It might sound harsh but it’s just the reality. The sleep is normal, most of us have done it. You just keep saying “it’s not sustainable” but you can’t do anything to fix a newborns sleep. You just need to come up with solutions that make it easier to manage.
How much paternity did your DH take? Can he take a weeks holiday soon to give you a break?
Make sure he takes the baby on the weekend morning so you can go into the week a bit more rested.
Can your toddler do an extra day of nursery?
What is your family like? Can you visit parents or in-laws to help break up the week and get a little bit of help?
If your toddler goes to bed at 7/8 and the baby has a late nap then make sure you’re sleeping then too. It’s about survival and getting through at this stage.

Both mine were like this. Digestive issues and wanting to be upright and on me. I slept with them on my chest. Look at cosleepy for how to do it as safely as possible. Also happy co-sleepers group on Facebook. I completely get that it's not advised by the lullaby trust but I also knew it wasn't safe for me to be awake 24/7. I resisted it for ages with my first because I was terrified but it was game changing. Then I found out that more people do it than you think. Only in bed, never on the sofa. Lots of pillows behind you. In the middle of the bed, clear area around. My mattress is now on the floor. Slowly transitioned to sleeping next to them as they got bigger.

Thing is though that’s kind of what it is. It’s normal, loads of us go through it, yes it’s very very hard but there’s not much to be done about it. You say it’s not sustainable but there’s not many options unfortunately, it really is one of those things you need to just get through and at some point your baby will be sleeping more. The only thing I can suggest is your DH taking some time off and you can then split the nights. If he can’t then do it on the nights he’s home and he takes a while night and lets you sleep.

If i was your friend/sister/whatever i would happily sit with the baby for a few hours so you could get some sleep. You can't think straight when you're this exhausted and the first thing you need to do is get some decent sleep.

Is there absolutely no one that could come and sit in your living room for a few hours while you sleep? Sometimes you do need to ask for help, even though you don't want to.

Failing that could your dh come home for a couple of days (take leave?) and give you the chance to sleep that you so desperately need? What's the deal over Easter with his work pattern? You may need to accept that for a couple of those days you have to sleep.

It's really, really awful being this sleep deprived. I hear you. And I hope you get some decent sleep soon.

This.

I did the same with my LO. It was the only way we got any sleep as she wouldn’t take to her crib at all. It was either chest sleeping, as safely as possible, or me accidentally falling asleep whilst holding her in an unsafe place/position so I chose the former. We slowly transitioned to her being next to me instead and now she is 10 months she starts the night in her cot for about an hour or two (with the occasional unicorn 3 hour stint) then sleeps next to me, again as safely as possible. It’s the only way I get half decent sleep.

It is really really tough. My older brother was like your first sleeping through the night very quickly and then I came along and was completely the opposite. My DM found the contrast very difficult!

My second child didnt sleep off me for the first 5 months. No matter how much I tried she wouldn’t sleep off me. I also had a 3 year old as well. The exhaustion was real! You just have to get on with it. There’s not much you can do.

Hi, it’s really my bloody hard but normal. My baby was like this from birth until 12 weeks the only way I got through it was by sleeping in shifts. When my husband was back to work I would go to bed at 7 and he would bring the baby up change and fed at 12 and then on a good night my baby wouldn’t wake again until 2am so at least I was getting a good solid block o sleep

she did have CMPA and also silent reflux

Kindly OP, baby is 6 weeks old they are never going to sleep through at this age. DC1 was up every 2 hours until they were 3 months old, yet DC2 slept through from 4 weeks until 3 months and they seemingly swapped.

Comparison is the thief of joy, do not listen to Facebook groups as there seems to be a competitive edge on whose baby is the best, either sleeping the most, starting walking early and most of it is bullshit.

Can DH or any family/friends take 3 year old for a few hours so you can rest? It will get better and it's so awful but this too shall pass!