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Original poster

I’m never offended, but….

33 replies

CurlewKate · 15/04/2025 07:37

I am frequently outraged, pissed off, angry, exasperated by people’s language and behavior. So why has “offended” become the word we use? It sounds so passive and almost prissy. In a recent thread about using the word “cunt” for example. I’m not remotely offended by it. I am angry and exasperated that people use it without giving any thought to its history. But any negative feeling can now be boiled down to being offended-which can then easily be dismissed as being over sensitive or a “pearl clutcher” or the classic “If you’re offended, just don’t buy the gollywog”.

OP posts:
Seachanger · 15/04/2025 07:58

Oh that's really interesting OP.

I hadn't really grasped the connection that using the term offended enables easy dismissal of the negative feeling.

I actually hate the use of the term " pearl clutcher" which is used frequently on MN to dismiss and deride genuine points of view.

andtheworldrollson · 15/04/2025 08:07

Well getting angry over the use of a word seems mad. Who are you to tell people that they need to research the history of every work before they use it?

Ticklishknees · 15/04/2025 08:08

I don't know, I feel like offended covers it pretty well. It's something you don't like but lots of people don't have a problem with. You can be angry and exasperated but you can't stop people saying cunt. It's almost cultural in some areas and barely even seen as a swear word it's used so often.

I'm fully aware of the history of the word but the meaning of lots of words changes over time. I'm not offended or angry when someone uses it. Unless they're personally insulting me, I guess.

FamilyFool · 15/04/2025 08:12

It can be described as offensive and it definitely is along with the tw@@ word.
I don’t know it’s history but using a woman’s body part as THE WORST INSULT seems very patriarchal to me.
Far better to call someone a prick! 😉

zaxxon · 15/04/2025 08:19

"Outraged" is worse surely?

I can't hear it without mentally adding the words "... of Tunbridge Wells"

Original poster
CurlewKate · 15/04/2025 08:33

Damn-I wish I hadn’t used the cunt thread as an example. I’m going to have to sit on my hands now to get in to that again! The point I am trying to make, obviously incompetently, is that I am not offended by it. I feel strongly-but I am not offended.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/04/2025 08:36

FamilyFool · 15/04/2025 08:12

It can be described as offensive and it definitely is along with the tw@@ word.
I don’t know it’s history but using a woman’s body part as THE WORST INSULT seems very patriarchal to me.
Far better to call someone a prick! 😉

I make a genuine effort to call people I don't like arseholes or wankers for this reason.

MyUmberSeal · 15/04/2025 08:42

OP, I understand you are keen to stress the difference you feel exists between being offended by a word, and then feeling strongly about a word and the use of it with no thought given to it’s origin etc.

In the real world, those two 👆 things amount to the same thing, and that is that (for whatever reason) you are offended when people use particular language. You can have your own subjective interpretation of the word ‘offended’ and what it means to you. But that’s what you are nevertheless.

frozendaisy · 15/04/2025 08:47

So according to the dictionary online
Outraged. Is equivalent to fierce anger
Offended is annoyed

So I guess being offended is just the word of the moment to mean annoyed.

Having fierce anger frequently @CurlewKate is not healthy for you, regardless of the general public, I am assuming in real life, because it’s really, really not healthy for fierce anger from stufff seen online, just visit different websites if this is the case, log out of the messaging sites, maybe get your blood pressure checked!

Offended is just a current popular word, and not really as extreme as outraged, pissed off or angry.

jewelcase · 15/04/2025 08:52

This is a really interesting point, and I agree with you.

It’s very rare that I take offence at something. But I am often angered by people’s behaviour. If I remember, I will try to make this distinction more often both in my head and out loud if necessary. Thank you x

VictoriaEra2 · 15/04/2025 08:52

Agree with you, OP. Although
in Manchester Evening News reporting, no one is offended - they are all ‘fuming’ or ‘fumin’ on social media. It’s just lazy terminology.

wishiwasupahill · 15/04/2025 09:42

I agree.

my husband actually has an irritating habit of using “offended” to undermine me.

if I ask him to stop doing something he says “sorry, I didn’t realise it offended you”

no, it doesnt “offend me”, it annoys me / angers me / inconveniences me / pisses me off.

I agree that using “offends” in this way can be derogatory and dismissive.

FamilyFool · 15/04/2025 09:48

VictoriaEra2 · 15/04/2025 08:52

Agree with you, OP. Although
in Manchester Evening News reporting, no one is offended - they are all ‘fuming’ or ‘fumin’ on social media. It’s just lazy terminology.

🤣 I’m from manchester!! 🤣

FamilyFool · 15/04/2025 09:50

@MissScarletInTheBallroom I suppose @ssholes could apply to men and women?! 🤣
but mostly men are w@nkers?! 🤣

ICanTellYouMissMe · 15/04/2025 09:53

I think I don’t properly understand the modern use of the word offended.

I think I would only ever feel offended by something that was very personal, to me or about me.

But…offended? When people use a word I don’t like? Just feels like such a reach to me. It’s just words.

dudsville · 15/04/2025 09:55

I agree about the difference between being offended and being something else. I think being offended implies the person offended is due an apology. I'm off to Google.

dudsville · 15/04/2025 09:56

Ah, no, dictionaries all say the different words can be lumped in together.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 15/04/2025 10:00

I’m trying not to get drawn in to a side discussion here but no, it’s not “just words”. Unless you think the n-word and all the derogatory language around disability are “just words” too…..

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 15/04/2025 10:02

I think it can work with other words as well. Like when we I'm saying something that's true and a bit upsetting, someone will say 'I can see you're very angry'. And it's like, I'm not angry. I'm just telling you what happened and it was awful.

Like if someone is angry their feelings are unreasonable, and should not be listened to.

ShowOfHands · 15/04/2025 10:03

I do understand what you mean op. "Offended" seems to be the go to accusation if you respond less than favourably to something. It's probably a bit like every woman over a certain age who defends herself being called a "Karen". It's lazy and misses the wonderful subtleties of human responses and reactions.

On a different note however, while there are clear cases of words being verboten and universally inappropriate, I do think you have to be mindful of other people's vernaculars. I think powerfully used, potentially 'offensive' words such as "cunt" can be marvellous. DD is 17 and has a friend from an Asian country who despises all swearing and tells people off or "flicks" them if they swear. DD finds it infantilising and she's a bit of a wordsmith so her swearing is usually very carefully considered and appropriate.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 15/04/2025 10:03

This is exactly what I am talking about! On the public as well as the private stage.
I’m sorry he does that to you, @wishiwasupahill

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlewKate · 15/04/2025 10:05

wishiwasupahill · 15/04/2025 09:42

I agree.

my husband actually has an irritating habit of using “offended” to undermine me.

if I ask him to stop doing something he says “sorry, I didn’t realise it offended you”

no, it doesnt “offend me”, it annoys me / angers me / inconveniences me / pisses me off.

I agree that using “offends” in this way can be derogatory and dismissive.

Sorry-my last post was supposed to go with his one.

OP posts:
Turnups · 15/04/2025 10:07

Seachanger · 15/04/2025 07:58

Oh that's really interesting OP.

I hadn't really grasped the connection that using the term offended enables easy dismissal of the negative feeling.

I actually hate the use of the term " pearl clutcher" which is used frequently on MN to dismiss and deride genuine points of view.

I agree about "pearl clutcher". I see it as casual misogyny similar to calling someone a "Karen".

housethatbuiltme · 15/04/2025 10:10

CurlewKate · 15/04/2025 07:37

I am frequently outraged, pissed off, angry, exasperated by people’s language and behavior. So why has “offended” become the word we use? It sounds so passive and almost prissy. In a recent thread about using the word “cunt” for example. I’m not remotely offended by it. I am angry and exasperated that people use it without giving any thought to its history. But any negative feeling can now be boiled down to being offended-which can then easily be dismissed as being over sensitive or a “pearl clutcher” or the classic “If you’re offended, just don’t buy the gollywog”.

I am frequently outraged, pissed off, angry, exasperated by people’s language and behavior.

That's what offended means lol.

Offended literally means to be annoyed, irritated and resentful by what you personally perceive to be rude or insulting language/behavior.

Being offended over the use of the word 'offended' (even though its used perfectly correctly) is delightful pearl clutching ignorance though.

Turnups · 15/04/2025 10:11

I’m not at all sure that it’s important to think about the origin or true meaning of insults. If we did, would we ever call someone a silly bugger or tell them to piss off?