Worried DS knows nothing

[somethingelseinthebox]

He starts school in September. Every so often I get a mad panic that he knows nothing.

He doesn’t know about money, at all. Obviously I never pay using cash so he doesn’t recognise notes and coins as I probably did at a similar age.

Doesn’t know his letters. He can sort of recognise his own name. We do read but again I feel like he’s losing interest a bit.

He doesn’t really understand the concept of countries or anything like that.

He knows about nature … I’ve tried to explain a bit about the seasons and months of the year but he seems to be confused.

Have I done a terrible job? Or will school sort all this out?

I’m with @Mumoftwo52 . The majority children will know their letters and how to spell their name. It does make the start of reception smoother as they are not playing catch up!

The rest I don’t think are massively important but if you wanted to teach him then you could try linking countries to other cultures (our nursery does lots of special days celebrations and parents come in to talk to the children about Eid/ Thanks-Giving etc) and see if that helps? Or talking about how our planet was made and the Big Bang/ Space. Most children like rockets so space is normally a hit.

Money can be tricky. Most 4 year olds know that their parents go to work to earn money and then they can buy food/ clothes/ toys etc but not really beyond that.

Months are difficult but think most children know seasons. Maybe just point it out in books? It’s tricky as time is so slow as a 4 year old, Christmas and December is a lifetime away!

Manners are the most important thing. And name tags in the clothes. I would say read or tell stories at bedtime but I'm a reading obsessive. And I work in secondary so you should definitely stop worrying.
Having read some of the research on children and social media/Internet use I would also say establish some strong boundaries about these things. Increasingly we are being told that all social media usein children is harmful. And we see year 7s arrive with serious phone addiction and social media problems so definitely start as you mean to go on.

Encourage the love of books, maybe talk about basic colours, taking turns, if you use sounds of letters ensure you use phonic sounds, don't have shoes with laces (easy to put on shoes), get them used to picking their own stuff up and putting things away. You can get them used to recognising their name. Unless there is a medical reason need to be toilet trained. Able to use cutlery. Give them the confidence to go to an adult if they have a question, are unsure what to do, need the toilet, are scared of something.

Not all children will know their letters or numbers when they start, sometimes they are just repeating them rather than actually recognising them.

He won't need money will he!?
Also start this year and bum wiping is my priority

The school readiness that has already been shared gives the baseline of where a child needs to be. So a great resource. In terms of the other things menetioned, my DD when she started reception could-

• She could recognise all of the letters
• Read and write her full name
• Write short words if spelt out to her. Although this was in 'child' single letter form. And at school they re-taught it completely to joined up writing. So didn't give any advantage being able to do this before starting
• Could sight read simple words- eg 'dog' 'cat'. But then at school it was re- taught to read phonetically.
• Knew seasons and had an idea of events throughout the year I.e. Christmas, birthdays etc. But no awareness of time!
• Didn't really understand countries- apart from understanding where we had been on holidays. Her GF brought her a globe for her 4th birthday and this started her interest I'm countries.
• Had limited understanding of money. She would earn 10-50p for doing jobs (clearing up etc). So she had a money box then we would go to the shop for her to choose some sweets or a magazine when she had enough money to spend. Although only now (Year 1) can she recognise individual coins and understand which are worth more.

None of those things are important for starting school. What is important is independence and practical skills. Academics he will learn later, although it can’t hurt to try a little before. Your job before school is to make sure he’s confident being away from you/other caregivers and that he can be relatively independent during the school day.

In terms of skills, focus on him being able to dress himself (after PE and putting on coat at break time), go to the toilet himself (including hand washing and wiping), feed himself (opening packets, using cutlery) and behave appropriately in a school setting (playing nicely with others, following instructions etc).

The other thing I worked a lot on over the summer before she started school was confidence. To ask for adult help if needed and to play with new children. She was really shy and reserved in nursery. After 2 weeks her class teacher said to me "I thought you said she is shy, she isn't at all and very confident in the class"

Op on the first day of school I sat in with my eldest because he wouldn’t let me leave so the teacher told me I could stay a while. They handed them colours and a picture to colour in and when I say my son just scribbled over it- I can’t even beg to tell you! They’ll all be the same- just a few games to make it easier before you start- there’s still plenty of time but anyway that’s what school is for. Enjoy the craziness (and loveliness) of school!

He doesn't need, and won't be expected to do any of those things.

Things that will help him are

• being able to take himself to the toilet himself, wipe his bottom and know to wash his hands
• Being able to recognise his name (especially helpful on name tag in a jumper that looks exactly the same as the other 29 jumpers)
• To be able to recognise his own coat (and lunch box if he will use one or water bottle, or anything where there will be 30 of them and he has to find his own)
• To know to put gloves / hat / scarf in his pockets before hanging coat up
• To be able to feed himself (incl things like taking lid off his own yoghurt)
• awareness of others - taking a turn, waiting if someone else is speaking, etc
• Being able to take his trousers off and put shorts on, without removing his pants
• Being able to pull a sleeve through if it turns when he takes his jumper off

Helping with fine motor skills, playing with blocks, colouring in, threading games, doing buttons up on clothes.

It’s really sad that you set expectations so low for boys, and it’s not fair on them. If they need more support and encouragement to be ready for school then they should get it, rather than giving up and risking a poor start, just because they’re born male.

Would you make huge negative generalisations about any other group of children?

My child is in year 1 and we still all laugh as they come out because it’s fairly obvious when they’ve had PE!

Hmmm I really am not sure I agree with this at all.

Id say it was perfectly possible to teach those things to your child before starting school, All children differ but both mine could do these things, as well as read and write short words, count to 20+ and do basic addition, they were by no means ‘exceptional’ compared to their peers who I would say could do the same (but they went to a preschool so perhaps that’s the difference as good ones will absolutely be teaching these things).

It is a problem for a reception child to still be soiling themselves and certainly not the norm.

By the end of reception they’ll be expected to be reading fluently, and the jump then to writing in full sentences in year 1 is quite a steep one.

OP are you worrying your child has a learning disability or just on the younger side and in need of a bit more time to play?

good ones will absolutely be teaching these things
Teacher here. I actively avoided any preschools that were doing any formal learning! So many more important things at that age. The Irish system is different though and there is no expectation of reading before school, though some preschools will do it.

Play doh is good for this too.

Definitely look at the reception readiness link someone posted above. DD is currently in reception, and it was that stuff that really mattered, along with things like ensuring they are fully potty trained (if they aren't already...).

@Catlad what is your definition of reading fluently, being able to read War and Peace? Phonics teaching goes on in Y1 too, children will still be on a reading scheme.

My DD has just turned 5 and is in reception. Her concept of countries is very shaky even though I'd say shes smart and the concept of other countries is something very relevant/familiar to her as we have family living overseas. Letters she's known for ages but that was one of her interests when she was a toddler. She knows about money from pretend play but has no concept of how much things should cost.

If he's bored of the books you have, have you tried stepping up to the next level of books? DD started to like more involved stories around that age rather than just picture books with rhymes.

A love of books involves all sorts of books, fiction and non fiction. You can get a child friendly atlas to look at other countries, ones where they have fun facts about the countries or one where you have to find things. I’m sure DS had an Usborne one. Can also have a map of the world on the wall, again one designed for young children. He also had a love of flags so that tied in with that.

Whatever their interests there should be books on them. If you are lucky to have a local library spend time there. Also important for a child to see you read. Also helps if they can see you write things, all too easy for us to be tapping away on a device, then expect our children to pick up a pen and write!

Obviously not - you can consult the KS1 guidelines for clarity on what is expected by year 1, I’m not making it up, nor do my children go to pushy schools.

I agree that formal learning in nurseries isn’t necessary and it’s good for children to play, but teaching independence and developing curiosity is also essential for a good start at school and preschools can play a valuable role in this,

My feeling is just that if you don’t expect much from your children you are under estimating them; and surely topics like seasons and ones place in the world etc will come up if you’re reading to your children daily.

state schools are pretty over stretched, and the opportunities for 1:1 just aren’t there. I think the assumption school will teach them everything is sadly not realistic. There is a certain amount of ‘work’ that can be done at home but it doesn’t need to be seen as work, it’s just chatting and reading and talking and playing as you’d hope you would be doing anyway?

Thanks. There’s some interesting ranges of views here. He does know colours and seasons … ish. He sort of gets the basics and can say ‘my birthday is in December’ but not necessarily know December is in winter and so on … He can say now that it’s spring and last summer could say it was summer but will probably have forgotten by the time it is summer again!

He doesn’t really recognise letters. I always thought I’d do so much letter recognition and reading but … haven’t. I also realised the other day I’ve neglected his religious education horribly!

He will definitely get religious education at school!

The main things is to develop his confidence, independence and fine and gross motor skills.

All the other stuff you mention, yes, some kids might know/be able to do it , but it’s not essential and it comes in time.

Just build up at home on his learning at school(in fun ways) and expose him to the wider world through reading, days out, talking, experimenting etc. Answer his questions and encourage him to be curious. It’ll all come.

@Catlad saying reading fluently sounds like they should be what was called a ‘free reader’ in my DC’s day, ie no longer tied to a reading scheme. That is not the case in EYFS. The aim is to get them reading to the level expected at that age, so some words they can read fluently but there is still much phonics work to be done in Y1 to increase the words they can read and understand.

Must also remember it isn’t just being able to read the words but they must also have the comprehension skills. Too many parents get fixed on the fact that their child can read and brag about the level of book a child is reading (watch out @somethingelseinthebox for parents loudly announcing that their child has read the first 3 Harry Potter books by the end of their first term) and forget that they actually need to understand the meaning of the words, context etc.

@somethingelseinthebox is he going to a faith school?

My oldest is in year 1 now and I started a similar thread for him!

Honestly, if they can put on a coat (doesn't matter really if they can do it up), take themselves to the toilet (occasional accidents may well happen to start), the ability to open any packets he may have in a packed lunch, and the confidence to say what they need (help, toilet, feel sick) then those are the very bare basics. Also changing into pe kit if they need to - mine just wear their pe kit all day so it's not an issue, you could check on this?

The thing that he would find helpful is own name recognition. Most of the first year is play and bringing them to the same level of basic skills anyway, getting them used to the school day, and in some cases, interacting with other kids.

People will list off all the amazing things their kids could do at that age, but they're all different. My son for example was not interested in learning to read, or crafts, so we encouraged his other interests like numbers. He's not even finished the school year but he's completed the phonics course and is now a free reader (one of only 3 in his year) and he's just getting into drawing (he's not gifted in this tbh, but it's lovely to see him take an interest!). On the other hand, he's still lacking confidence and resilience and is starting to struggle with some mean boys, older ones in the playground - so we've started him in a special martial arts class for kids that instills confidence, resilience, self-belief, and has a strong anti-bullying theme.

Re religion - we're at a CoE school and ds had no religious education prior to this. Makes no difference, most won't have any idea and will be learning from scratch.

This.
DS1 was a summer born so went to school just after his 4th birthday.
He knew all his letters, could read simple words, could write his name etc
He couldn't dress himself properly and was not good at sharing. Those skills were much more important than being able to read early.