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Hen dos and cost

45 replies

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 11:46

My sister is getting married in October, and so has just booked her hen do, for September. It’s me, her, our other sister and a bunch of her friends - I think 10 in total that said we could spend a maximum of £600/£700 on a weekend abroad (including spending money).

Sister wanted Ibiza or Mykonos (the 2 priciest in Europe!!) and wouldn’t consider other options. She found an all inclusive option there that came in at £695 each for 4 days. No spending money needed she said as we can stay in the hotel and just go how walks etc if we want.

she’s since said there’s 2 events she wants to do there, approx 200 euros per person per one, plus themed outfits, plus one other restaurant she wants to try so more money. The whole trip is looking to be around double of everyone’s initial agreed spend.

Me and my other sister are honestly getting fed up with the extra spending. Plus it means the all inclusive for 3 days was wasted money as if we are at these events we won’t even be at the hotel to eat for 3 of the 4 days.

I also don’t want to buy new outfits to match the themes, I’ve just gone back to work part time after maternity and so money isn’t free flowing.

Shes now also saying she wants a local hen do as lots of friends/our cousins etc can’t afford to go abroad. The event she’s suggested with travel is yet about £150 per person (and another themed outfit 🙄)

Should we say something to her or are we being mean? Is this the norm for hen dos? She’s the first of our group/family to get married so I’ve got no idea. We spoke to our Mum and she refused to give an opinion either way.

OP posts:
Mightymoog · 14/04/2025 11:49

yeah, just tell her that when you said a maximum of £700 that you meant it and you can't afford/ don't want to spend any more.
Tell her she's more than welcome to do the extra things but you won't be able to join her.
The local hen do you say you're already doing the abroad hen do so won't be going to that one.

Mightymoog · 14/04/2025 11:50

what's with the themed outfits as well?
I assume she's grown up and the other people oing are grown ups and will decide what they want to wear themselves

madaboutpurple · 14/04/2025 11:51

If this was happening tome, I would back out now as the cost seem to be going up already. I would only want to go to the event held locally. It does seem to happen a lot now that hen do's are held abroad.

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Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 11:51

@Mightymoog the themed outfits are driving me crazy. I don’t really buy new holidays clothes every year will just rewear what I have and she’s said I can’t wear this lovely pink swimsuit I have because the straps are white and she wants to wear white everyday!

OP posts:
Tbrh · 14/04/2025 11:52

Well she's your sister, so if you can't be honest with her who can. Just tell her

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 11:57

@Tbrh me and my other sister have both tried gently but maybe we need to be a bit more straight talking about it all

OP posts:
alcoholnightmare · 14/04/2025 11:57

sorry sis, this is all getting too expensive for me. Happy to go away still but I can’t afford all these extras or buying swimwear to suit you, sorry. Shall we still go away and I skip the extras? I wonder if others would feel the same too

LoudSnoringDog · 14/04/2025 11:59

This is insane. Are you going to Ibiza?

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:06

@LoudSnoringDog yes so she wants to catch a couple of the closing parties which all have minimum spends per person etc for a table area. We did go about 5 years ago but that was before I had a child and worked part time.

OP posts:
Sammysquiz · 14/04/2025 12:12

Thats insane. I went to a hen do at the weekend hosted at one of the bridesmaid’s homes. We shared out bringing food & drink, offered spare beds at various hen’s houses for those travelling from afar, had a fantastic night enjoying the kitchen disco, total cost about £20 a head.

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:15

@Sammysquiz thats crazy! My sister is very Instagram if that makes sense - feels like lots of what she does is for the photo op. Last year she did a multi city holiday across Dubai and Thailand and ended up in over 10k debt to pay for it, and then posted on Instagram daily whilst she was there

OP posts:
MeganM3 · 14/04/2025 12:20

You either suck it up or you speak up.
Explain your situation and see if she, or you together, can come up with a solution

GCAcademic · 14/04/2025 12:25

I wouldn't go. Another thing to bear in mind is what will happen when the other invitees pull out closer to the time. There are countless threads on here about this happening - people are much more flaky these days. Will those left standing be expected to absorb those costs on top of their own?

£10k debt for a Dubai holiday! My god . . .

zeibesaffron · 14/04/2025 12:28

You read more and more wedding nonsense on here. This is completely unreasonable of your sister and I bet the others in the hen group are feeling the same.

It has to be a clear conversation- I am sorry we said 700 max, so would be delighted to come to the hotel (all inclusive) but cannot afford the extras.

This wedding stuff is getting completely out of hand - 2 or 3 hen / stag dos each (abroad and weekends away in the UK), massive instagram weddings - it’s insane!!

MammaTo · 14/04/2025 12:35

I would say to her what’s the point in going to Ibiza or Mykonos if you’re going to stay in the hotel. Surely Ibiza for a hen party would involve a beach club or a night club, other wise you might as well go to somewhere more affordable.

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:38

it just feels so self indulgent to me. But me and my sister are quite different

OP posts:
Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:39

@MammaTo this is what I said and sent her loads of other options but in hindsight think that this was her plan all along

OP posts:
Newmeagain · 14/04/2025 12:41

With all the extras and flights this is going to add up to £2000.

i really don’t think that’s affordable for most people - unless you are all on £200k salaries???

SwedishEdith · 14/04/2025 12:41

Mad, mad, mad. I hate the whole hen do industry and push to make everything a Big Event. She's your sister so it's more tricky to drop out but also easier to tell her she must be joking and that you're sticking to the agreed limit. You'll be speaking up for the others as well. "I want a hen do abroad" would have been the point I'd have said "Hope you enjoy it but I'm out".

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:46

@Newmeagain no she lives on credit cards and expects others to do the same

OP posts:
Newmeagain · 14/04/2025 12:47

Also - it’s extremely rude to pressure people to spend money. Maybe she should offer to pay for everyone?? 😉

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:49

@Newmeagain she offered to put it on her credit card and then people pay her back. Encouraging people to get into debt.

she’s always been like this with money but I guess I didn’t realise how bad

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 14/04/2025 12:50

Hi sis, if you want all of these extras then you'll have to cover them because my budget has run out. I told you from the beginning how much I had to spend and you're just adding more and more costs. I can't afford it.

Pinkandpurplepompom · 14/04/2025 12:51

@ThejoyofNC she would legit do this but expect payment back after the event lol

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 14/04/2025 12:51

Hi sis, I can only do the original plan and will not be buying new outfits and swimming costumes. I have a child and work part time and cannot commit to more than £x or to going into debt. I am happy to stay at the hotel when you go to x and y nights, no worries there.

Something like that?