Hen dos and cost

[Pinkandpurplepompom]

My sister is getting married in October, and so has just booked her hen do, for September. It’s me, her, our other sister and a bunch of her friends - I think 10 in total that said we could spend a maximum of £600/£700 on a weekend abroad (including spending money).

Sister wanted Ibiza or Mykonos (the 2 priciest in Europe!!) and wouldn’t consider other options. She found an all inclusive option there that came in at £695 each for 4 days. No spending money needed she said as we can stay in the hotel and just go how walks etc if we want.

she’s since said there’s 2 events she wants to do there, approx 200 euros per person per one, plus themed outfits, plus one other restaurant she wants to try so more money. The whole trip is looking to be around double of everyone’s initial agreed spend.

Me and my other sister are honestly getting fed up with the extra spending. Plus it means the all inclusive for 3 days was wasted money as if we are at these events we won’t even be at the hotel to eat for 3 of the 4 days.

I also don’t want to buy new outfits to match the themes, I’ve just gone back to work part time after maternity and so money isn’t free flowing.

Shes now also saying she wants a local hen do as lots of friends/our cousins etc can’t afford to go abroad. The event she’s suggested with travel is yet about £150 per person (and another themed outfit 🙄)

Should we say something to her or are we being mean? Is this the norm for hen dos? She’s the first of our group/family to get married so I’ve got no idea. We spoke to our Mum and she refused to give an opinion either way.

You and your other need to approach her together and tell her that ye are just not willing to do it and it’s unfair on the rest of the hens to expect them to do it either

TBH she sounds extremely vacuous

I wouldn’t spend a lot of my money so someone else can get great insta photos!

Say sorry you can’t afford the added cost so you’ll just go to the cheaper UK one instead.

And you need to be firm.

I would be direct and tell her that you and the other attendees had a cap on the budget and you can’t go over that. I would say she needs to respect that.
sorry but fuck her instagram feed and getting into debt would be stupid.

“I told you my budget. I’m not paying for these extras”. And repeat. She’s being a brat, and if my sister tried to pull this shit I’d laugh at how ridiculous she was being.

Non refundable deposits already paid (she conveniently waited until after to push other stuff)

Are all the other hens agreeing to her plans

Yeah but you don’t have to buy costumes and pay for the extras. Just pay for the all inclusive you all agreed on, and simply refuse the rest. If you’re lucky, she’ll get so cross that she won’t go and you can all enjoy a holiday in peace without posing for Instagram pictures all day long!

@Hastentoadd her best friend is encouraging the extra stuff, everyone else is a bit awkwardly trying to get out of anything extra suggested

Her best friend is probably very similar to her and wants her own insta photos

You and your sister should tell your sister that ye won’t be going to the extra event and she needs to tell the other hens that they are optional and not everyone needs to go

Why should people get into debt for her hen event, she sounds like she has no issue spending above her means and getting into debt but she shouldn’t expect everyone else to have the same mindset

I personally think expensive hen dos are so self indulgent, thankfully none of my friends are like that and were thoughtful enough to organise something that suited everyone’s budget / financial situation…..which is the way it should be

I’d say sorry it’s getting a bit too expensive so you won’t be joining the trips.

it’s up to you on the uk one.

She’s popping in for dinner later so I’ll have a chat with her then

Time to be direct as it sounds like you've all been beating around the bush. Be clear that-

Your budget has run out.
You're not going into debt for a hen party.
You're not buying any matching outfits or other tacky crap.
If she can't respect the above then you'll have to pull out altogether.

You can't wear your swimsuit as it has the same coloured straps as hers? 😕

I think if the rest of the party, except BF, are not so keen, you would be doing her a kindness to point out there was an agreed price per head and it isn't fair to go over that. I mean rather than just taking yourself out of the picture. She might not like you for it.

What is she like about the actual wedding? Someone was telling me bridesmaids now often have to buy their own dresses, shoes and have their hair and makeup professionally done to bride's taste, which seemed ridiculous to me, but most of my friends got married 10-20 years ago.

God I missed the bit about white straps on a swimming costume! If it wasn’t for the non-refundable bit already paid I’d be dropping out of someone started policing that sort of nonsense.

God I missed the bit about white straps on a swimming costume! If it wasn’t for the non-refundable bit already paid I’d be dropping out of someone started policing that sort of nonsense. I’d definitely wear whatever swimming costume I damn well wanted though!

Honestly if she won't budge it might be cheaper to lose the deposit than end up forking out 2 grand for her insta hen do

She sounds like a massive Bridezilla! Try to distance yourself!

Just say what pps have suggested. £700 for 4 nights, all in and that's all you've got.
Say no to trips, extras, etc.
( The swimming strap comment made me laugh. Though I don't quite understand 🤣).

Make it clear to her that many of you can not afford the extras. It’s not an issue of want. It’s an issue if not being able to afford it. And it’s stressing people out.
she needs to know it’s not just you and your other sister. It’s lots of the girls as they all have their own commitments and responsibilities and they budget that was set is all people can afford and sure wouldn’t want to run events where half the people don’t come and the ones that do are stressed about the cost. That won’t be fun for anyone.

if those not travelling want to host an additional hen (and who has 2 hens?) then they can do it and you won’t be in the slightest offended.

It sounds as though backing out now and losing the non refundable deposit is a better idea. Offer to organise a local hen do to spend the rest of your allocated money on. I’m sure there’s something else enjoyable you could do.