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Original poster

My DCs hate each other

40 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 13/04/2025 20:46

How do you cope if your kids hate each other? Mine seem to really hate each other. They fight every day. Girl 10 and boy 8. They are very different personalities. I have to resort to booking different holiday clubs to go to and try to keep them apart as much as possible. It’s so sad. I thought being close in age would work well and enable them to be close but it’s not worked out that way at all.

OP posts:

Differentstarts · 13/04/2025 20:50

They don't hate each other, siblings fight it's normal

Hoydenish · 13/04/2025 20:52

When you say fight do you mean arguing or do you mean physically?

Lovageandgeraniums · 13/04/2025 20:52

No, actually maybe they do really hate each other.

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Families

Compulsoryvegetables · 13/04/2025 20:52

There’s a very good book which helped me - Sibling Rivalry. My eldest used not to like his younger brother but they’re very close now, at 17 & 15. Very different personalities.
There’s another book by the same author, How to talk so that kids listen, and listen so kids talk (or something like that) which is very good

intothefifth · 13/04/2025 20:54

I’m really struggling with this and mine are only little but I just find it so fucking wearing that I can’t go from one room into the next before squeals of outrage and tears and wails start. I’ll be honest and admit I sometimes wish I’d just had one child. Except I love them both (obviously) so I don’t know which one I wouldn’t have!

I naively thought it was all about upbringing and I needed to instil a respectful sibling relationship. Hahahahaha.

So no advice and I’m really sorry but it’s stressful as hell and you have my abject sympathy.

SmugglersHaunt · 13/04/2025 20:58

It can change. I was really close to my brother growing up but he now despises me (and freely says so, which is nice), so they could change as they grow

DottyV · 13/04/2025 21:01

As trying as it is (and believe me, I know, I'm sure my 3 dcs despise each other) my dsis and I used to kill each other, constantly fighting, physical fights well into our teens and then quite literally when I was 16 and she was 19 became best friends and I love her more than life itself. It can change!

EmpressaurusKitty · 13/04/2025 21:04

I couldn’t stand my sister when we were kids, but now we’re very close & even go on holiday together. Things might improve when they’re adults.

lovingtulips · 13/04/2025 21:10

I guess we can’t control any of that really.
:(

blackheartsgirl · 13/04/2025 21:12

My teen girls hate each other. 17 and 14.

they rarely physically fight, that’s something that’s very much a no no in our house but they say some nasty stuff to each other and argue constantly especially over me and who’s pinched each others clothes etc.

it really gets me down.

my eldest two adult dc are not close, never really have been even when kids used to fight like cat and dog when they were in primary school, they rarely see or speak to each other ( they live about 300 miles apart 😂) but occasionally will ring each other and have a good natter.

Never2many · 13/04/2025 21:25

Sibling relationships are overrated.

Whenever people on here talk about having to have another child so their child can have a sibling, I always think that they will more likely regret that reason than not.

Very few siblings are close to one another Even if they love each other, it’s rare for siblings to have a close relationship once they’ve grown up. And many don’t growing up either. O

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 13/04/2025 21:57

Fighters like an audience.
Dont take sides. It exacerbates the situation.
I used to casually find a reason to leave the room when mine fought, and I found that they quietened down more quickly. They also learn to problem solve, and not wail louder to make you come running to sort it out.

Sassybooklover · 13/04/2025 22:00

I'm an only child but my husband is the eldest of 4 and they all would argue and it would occasionally end up physical. Apparently it used to drive his Mum utterly nuts! However, my husband is close to his sister's, not so much his brother who's the youngest. However, when they all get together, they all get on. My Mum is a couple of years older than her brother, and they used to argue a lot as youngsters. I don't think at 10 and 8, it's particularly unusual for children to 'dislike' each other. As they mature, it tends to even itself out. Of course, you only have to read MN to know that not all siblings are close or get on, and that can continue to be so into adulthood.

Neodymium · 13/04/2025 22:04

My 2 boys are like this, 14 and 16 and hate each other. They are so mean to each other and can’t do anything together. It’s actually a cousins birthday and only 1 gets to be invited as they argue so much that they will ruin it if they are both there.

Flutterbyby · 13/04/2025 22:07

Never2many · 13/04/2025 21:25

Sibling relationships are overrated.

Whenever people on here talk about having to have another child so their child can have a sibling, I always think that they will more likely regret that reason than not.

Very few siblings are close to one another Even if they love each other, it’s rare for siblings to have a close relationship once they’ve grown up. And many don’t growing up either. O

I can't agree. The vast majority of people I know are close to their siblings. And we tend to have more of them where I'm from!

Davros · 13/04/2025 22:15

My two older sisters fought like cat and dog when we were growing up. Me and the oldest sister adored each other as kids. It’s still the same and we’re in our 60s, there’s only 4 years between the three of us

FusionChefGeoff · 13/04/2025 22:17

I find it helps when I can distance myself, to remind myself that the arguing, conflict, challenge and having to stick up for yourself is a very very important life skill and mine are getting a lot of practice in a safe environment. As long as it’s safe, I try to just let them go at it until they blow themselves out. Mine are 12 and 10 so a bit older than yours. That also means that when I finally crack and yell “for the love of all things Holy will you two just knock it off” it has quite a shock value. If you constantly berate and referee and try to stop it I can imagine you quickly lose your effectiveness.

Ferretedaway · 13/04/2025 22:20

It can be really difficult to influence how close siblings will be. A lot seems to do with personalities and sheer luck. If it’s any consolation, I loathed one of my DBs for most of our childhoods and early teens. Then for no known reason we ‘clicked’. We are now in our 60s and 70s and are incredibly close. We are in touch every day. Growing up there was endless teasing, resentment and annoyance between us. I’d do my best to get my own back any chance I got. It’s hard to believe now. Both my DBs resented and tormented each other too. I’d not say they’re close close as adults, but love each other dearly. Really hoping things improve as yours mature. Also a pair of my nephews were absolutely vile to each other as kids. Really fighty, arguing, unable and unwilling to cooperate at all. As adults they are also very close. Don’t give up hope.

Ferretedaway · 13/04/2025 22:25

FusionChefGeoff. I agree, I think conflict is natural and teaches important life skills. All animals play fight when you think about it. And not policing it closely unless dangerous or unacceptable, sounds a good policy so when you do step in, it makes an impact.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 13/04/2025 22:29

Dsis and I fought as kids - we were great pals in our teens

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 13/04/2025 22:34

Never2many · 13/04/2025 21:25

Sibling relationships are overrated.

Whenever people on here talk about having to have another child so their child can have a sibling, I always think that they will more likely regret that reason than not.

Very few siblings are close to one another Even if they love each other, it’s rare for siblings to have a close relationship once they’ve grown up. And many don’t growing up either. O

What data is that based on? I get that not all siblings are close but you can’t really say “very few siblings are close to one another”.

I know loads of people close to their siblings (ie speak to each other every day or so, see each others kids, go on holiday together etc)

I also know people that aren’t close to siblings (myself included).

Sunsetchaser01 · 13/04/2025 22:40

I have 3 boys and a girl, very rarely fight. I always went for group bollocking sessions when they were younger rather than showing any interest in what it was about. I would go on and on until all children were throughly fed up of hearing their mother rant then they would be united against a common enemy - their boring mum. Worked a treat , I would then carry on like normal and if there was a hint of a bicker coming in I would ask if they really wanted me to drone on again?

TheeNotoriousPIG · 13/04/2025 22:43

OP, thank you for giving your children space from one another! When siblings are very different to each other, it's difficult having to put up with someone you don't like living in the same house. Quite frankly, it's exhausting. My sibling and I have always been two very different people, and only started getting on slightly better after they moved out. I appreciate that this probably seems like lightyears away for you and your family!

Nowadays, my sibling and I live 100 miles apart, in vastly different areas, and do not communicate at all unless we come across each other at family events. It's much easier when we only have to put up with each other for short stints. It's not that we hate each other. We just have very different personalities and interests.

Please don't try to force them to be closer, either. It might happen one day, or it might not, and that's OK, because you'll love them both either way.

Springee · 13/04/2025 22:46

Close in age like each other later. Siblings don't need to go to sand holiday club, although it's convenient if they do

AsunaLeafa · 13/04/2025 22:47

SmugglersHaunt · 13/04/2025 20:58

It can change. I was really close to my brother growing up but he now despises me (and freely says so, which is nice), so they could change as they grow

Same my sister hates me and has cut me out her life and I have no idea why?!

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