Can I get some advice please?

[BlueBrickRoad]

I have an uncle who was unwell in ICU but he's out now and on a ward. My mother wants to visit him but she wants to drag me with her.

I don't want to go anywhere near a hospital. I hate them and I don't know this uncle very well either. I find hospitals are just too warm. And there can be far too many people coughing and spluttering and I don't want to get ill. I do also have plans tomorrow. I was working hard all week with more intense work weeks to come and I don't want to go into the hospital. I also have a hair appointment tomorrow for a trim. My mother still wants to drag me to the hospital with her.

I suggested going and sitting in a nearby coffee shop.

I don't want to go into a hospital. I hate them.

Noone understands the relentless harassment I am under. I could sleep for 7/8/9/10/11/12 hours a night. Every night is different and wake up and still be exhausted and just wanting to go back to bed.

OP this is a genuine question, I am not having a go.

When you see an email from toxic friend arrive, what do you do?

Open it and let her hurt you all over again? Or delete it unread (and delete fully from deleted items)?

I think you might be reading them. Possibly to make sure she isn’t sending shit to your workplace.

Please stop. Delete them unread. Delete voice notes, WhatsApps, anything unread.

If you felt able to, you could talk to someone at work (manager, HR) to say you are the victim of harassment and to please disregard any contact this person may make.

You have to cut this out of your inbox and your life! Take away her power. It sounds fucking horrendous.

1. Just don't go to the hospital.
2. Why haven't you blocked this person on every possible avenue? How are they managing this 'relentless harrassment'.

I think you have to be cautious you're not getting caught up in a drama spiral and it's fuelling things for you.

I’m not saying the Mum shouldn’t want or ask for support there could have been other reasons eg transport, poor mobility, needs help with translating.

OP I say this very gently, but your updates are spiralling into all sorts of different topics and nothing to do with your original question. I think today you should have your hair done, take yourself off for a coffee or something with a book, and clear your mind. It doesn’t matter what your mum wants or doesn’t want, put yourself first. And maybe stay away from social media as personally I don’t think it’s really helpful for your current state of mind.

The email is directed into a separate folder where I don't need to open the folder or read any of it but I see the number going up every day now. I know it's the same stuff from her. I don't delete them because at this stage that's very unwise. I will need them in the hope the law will help me to stop her.

I know her communications are often a warning for more to come. There's no physical revenges. It's all electronic and shaming and humiliating etc.

She is blocked. My email doesn't allow a block and all it does is send the email to spam to be deleted after 30 days so it's not a true block function. That's unwise for me at this stage. I need to keep the communications in the hope the law will help me. I don't read the emails. They have their own separate folder and I see the number go up and I know it's the same hostilalty from before from her.

You must have enough “evidence” already. Let the emails get lost in spam or empty the folder more frequently. Take one issue at a time. Tell your dm you will not be accompanying her and stop engaging for rest of the day. Switch off phone if needs be. If visiting is that important to her she will find another way herself.

It is good that you are responding to all posts!

Your medical professional friend said that your harasser might have a type 2 personality disorder, is that right? Well, the level of harassment you are receiving is most probably indicative of this.

I do have some experience of stalking, people with these kinds of personality traits never
stop unless they are apprehended, receive treatment or are unable to get to their target. In my case it was the latter and the former that allowed it to stop.

In my case the authorities and organisations I contacted took it very seriously.

Are going to the hairdressers?

From what I read before, from the harassment it looks as if she wants to hurt me because she is hurting and she wants me to repair the friendship. That's what it looks like to me. She keeps lashing out.

But this connection is over.

Yes, I am going into my hairdresser for two.

My mother stormed off out in a silent huff to me this morning.

If it was any other week I would be able to make an effort and go but the harassment has my energy zapped. I am not reading the stuff but I know it's there and it's the same never ending hostilalty. I know from previous hospital visits, they drain my energy too.

She stormed out the door in silence to me about an hour ago.

I got up this morning and I got ready. I put on a nice dress and some make up. I am ok-ish now. Looking forward to getting my hair done. I am still very tired.

Well done! Making the decision to not go to the hospital was the right thing to do.

Have a nice day, take one day at a time. If you can!

I knew myself I just wasn't able for a hospital visit.

I got my hair done today. It needed it.

I don't feel rested at all though. My energy is still low. I wasn't hungry today so I never really stopped for a sit down meal. I did get a few drinks in a pub. Probably not the best idea.

I am now back to square one.

I thought my mother stormed out the door this morning but I was wrong. She did storm out from the kitchen but she went back to bed. So she didn't go to town at all today and I only found out in the evening time when I came home.

She's now trying to do round number two for tomorrow.

I really don't think she is thinking right or thinking straight about any of this.

My uncle is someone in only ever met a handful of times in my life. I know from a cousin of mine that he is not able to walk after being in ICU so I presume he is bedbound.

I know if I was in hospital, I am someone that really wouldn't want any visitors. Just one close person who can help me bring in supplies that I may need but outside of that I really wouldn't want any visitors.

My mother is still hell bent at wanting to go to the hospital but only with me. She is also hellbent at dragging me up into a ward. I wouldn't mind supporting her to the grounds of the hospital but that's where it stops with me. It really isn't fair expecting to drag me into a man who was so ill. I don't know him personally but I can't see how he would welcome something like that. To have a niece he hardly knows see him at such a low point.