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Original poster

Worried that I’ve inadvertently been leaving my newborn to cry it out

34 replies

changernam · 09/04/2025 14:47

I’m a first time mum of a 7 week old baby, she’s exclusively breastfed & sleeps in a next to me cot by my bed. Our night ‘routine’ is nappy, sleep sack, feed to sleep & into Moses in living room then transferred to the cot when I go to bed.

She will sleep 3-4 hours at a time, when she wakes I’ll change her nappy & feed her (all from bed) then pop her back into the cot and lay back down myself. I’ve been watching others’ nightime routines on FB & Tiktok & I’m now terrified I’ve been letting her cry herself to sleep each time. Everyone I’ve seen seems to be rocking the baby, watching shows to pass the time & ensuring they’re 100% asleep before going back to bed themselves.

She falls asleep at the breast most of the time during the day & at night but will usually wake once I place her down as she prefers to contact nap. For daytime naps, I usually swaddle & use white noise, sometimes feeds for comfort as doesn’t take a dummy consistently.

I’m now terrified that she’s been waking up once I’m asleep and I’ve slept through her cries. I’m not particularly sleep deprived and do wake up to her crying after the 3-4 hour stretch. Does this sound likely? Obviously going forward I’ll be taking more care but genuinely didn’t realise this and I feel terrible.

OP posts:
QuickPeachPoet · 09/04/2025 14:49

You are massively overthinking this OP. Seriously don’t worry. Your kid is fed, changed, kept safe and that is enough. She will grow and develop in time and you cannot be on red alert round the clock or you will be too exhausted to function.

stickygotstuck · 09/04/2025 14:49

I really doubt you'd sleep through several hours' worth of crying OP. You're doing fine.

Bingbangboo · 09/04/2025 14:51

I'm not sure i understand what you think is happening - that she's crying in her cot next to you and you aren't waking? I honestly don't think that would happen.

It sounds like everything you are doing is working well for both of you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
Original poster
changernam · 09/04/2025 14:51

To add, during the day, she can be fighting sleep for hours with a cycle of rocking, feeding & shushing but if I place her down in her swaddle and cot (I’ll be in the same room but out of her sight) she may wriggle for 5 minutes but then falls asleep and stays asleep for ages. If she starts to cry I do obviously pick her up.

does this sound about right or should I be holding her to sleep at this age?

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2025 14:51

She sounds like a good sleeper! I had one of those, it was a bit odd when everything you see online is so different but he was happy, I was happy. I just had to not mention it too much when talking to fellow parents! I’m pretty sure you’d wake up if she was crying for sure though. Don’t worry about it at all.

Bingbangboo · 09/04/2025 14:53

If they go back to sleep without rocking, shushing, patting etc never try and change that!

Scottishgirl85 · 09/04/2025 14:53

This is a weird post, OP. How could you be sleeping through a screaming baby lying next to you? Stop worrying and be thankful you have a self-settler. That'll serve you well throughout next few years!

Anonym00se · 09/04/2025 14:54

If she was crying it out, surely you’d wake up. For my youngest two DCs I always fed, winded, changed and put them back to bed. They’re perfectly well adjusted adults now with no hint of an attachment disorder. They were also very good sleepers as they learned to self soothe from birth. I did it this way because my eldest never slept and I couldn’t put him down. I didn’t want to go through that hell again. I can’t believe that they actually advise mothers to do this now. I almost had a breakdown after four solid years of no sleep.

You sound like you’re doing everything perfectly.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 09/04/2025 14:54

(((Hug)))

no, you haven't been leaving her to cry it out!!

She's right next to you, if she had been waking and crying, you would have heard her. It's perfectly fine to leave an awake baby to amuse themselves and get themselves back to sleep, the only problem is if they are crying and asking for attention/food/dry nappy

There's no way in a cot next to you. You are missing her crying for you!!

It's good for her to have some awake time without you rushing to pick her up and settle her!!

Thefunnel · 09/04/2025 14:55

Only one of my three was like this. It was bliss. The other two needed cuddles to sleep. I'm sure you are doing brilliantly!

Coconutter24 · 09/04/2025 14:55

changernam · 09/04/2025 14:51

To add, during the day, she can be fighting sleep for hours with a cycle of rocking, feeding & shushing but if I place her down in her swaddle and cot (I’ll be in the same room but out of her sight) she may wriggle for 5 minutes but then falls asleep and stays asleep for ages. If she starts to cry I do obviously pick her up.

does this sound about right or should I be holding her to sleep at this age?

If she’s wriggling about in her cot then falling asleep that is perfectly fine. If she is laid screaming for a while then you need to intervene. I much preferred my babies to fall asleep on their own and not need cuddling to sleep each time, if they get dependent on that it can be a hard routine to break

Bramblecrumb · 09/04/2025 14:59

I have an eight week old baby so similar stage. I'm not sure I understand - do you mean you're worried you slept through her crying? I don't think that's possible - or at least not possible for hours? I've slept through mine being a bit grumbly at first but always wake up eventually and whilst it felt like hours, I think it was only about five mins of gentle grumbles.

I would say you would probably feel better if you get off TikTok/Insta and these routines people film - I know they can make me feel awful, whilst when I make an effort to go meet other mum's in my NCT group etc in the park/at a class, I get a much more realistic sense of how everyone's babies are doing compared to mine. I firmly believe that people who have the time to film anything whilst also having a newborn can't be doing a great parenting job - I am totally consumed by looking after the baby all the time!

Your baby sounds totally normal to me 🤠

Middleagedstriker · 09/04/2025 14:59

God I'm so glad this sort of stuff didn't exist when mine were tiny. You are doing absolutely brilliantly. The best advice I ever got was to be completely boring and ignore them during the night. I had absolutely no eye contact, triee place them back into the cot slightly awake so that they would get used to just falling asleep in their cot did this from day one. People that going on their phones and/or watching TV shows basically teaching the kids that it's normal to be awake at night. You're doing absolutely brilliantly. Stop watching Instagram shite would be my mine advice!

Mulledjuice · 09/04/2025 15:00

changernam · 09/04/2025 14:51

To add, during the day, she can be fighting sleep for hours with a cycle of rocking, feeding & shushing but if I place her down in her swaddle and cot (I’ll be in the same room but out of her sight) she may wriggle for 5 minutes but then falls asleep and stays asleep for ages. If she starts to cry I do obviously pick her up.

does this sound about right or should I be holding her to sleep at this age?

This sounds fine!

Original poster
changernam · 09/04/2025 15:04

Coconutter24 · 09/04/2025 14:55

If she’s wriggling about in her cot then falling asleep that is perfectly fine. If she is laid screaming for a while then you need to intervene. I much preferred my babies to fall asleep on their own and not need cuddling to sleep each time, if they get dependent on that it can be a hard routine to break

Show quote history

Thank you. I was concerned that leaving her awake wriggling wasn’t very fair to her but it seems to be the only way she stays asleep as she’s falling asleep in the same place. When she falls asleep on me she very rarely stays asleep longer than 15 minutes once transferred.

She isn’t completely silent but definitely not crying. It’s more grunting etc. Is this still okay?

OP posts:
Parker231 · 09/04/2025 15:07

changernam · 09/04/2025 14:51

To add, during the day, she can be fighting sleep for hours with a cycle of rocking, feeding & shushing but if I place her down in her swaddle and cot (I’ll be in the same room but out of her sight) she may wriggle for 5 minutes but then falls asleep and stays asleep for ages. If she starts to cry I do obviously pick her up.

does this sound about right or should I be holding her to sleep at this age?

Sounds like the routine we had. They always slept in their cots and we never did contact naps. They slept through from eight weeks (but not consistently) and we used a sleep consultant at five months to help us improve the sleep routine.

Eachpeachpearprune · 09/04/2025 15:08

Cry it out is when baby cries until they fall asleep. You would hear if your baby lying next to you was crying. She has not been left to cry it out.

hockityponktas · 09/04/2025 15:09

changernam · 09/04/2025 15:04

Thank you. I was concerned that leaving her awake wriggling wasn’t very fair to her but it seems to be the only way she stays asleep as she’s falling asleep in the same place. When she falls asleep on me she very rarely stays asleep longer than 15 minutes once transferred.

She isn’t completely silent but definitely not crying. It’s more grunting etc. Is this still okay?

Show quote history

This is absolutely ok and actually really good. She is content and self settling! Very lucky to have a baby that does this💐

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 15:10

This is exactly what you want, OP. You don't need to hold a baby to sleep if they will go to sleep by themselves.

Coconutter24 · 09/04/2025 15:13

changernam · 09/04/2025 15:04

Thank you. I was concerned that leaving her awake wriggling wasn’t very fair to her but it seems to be the only way she stays asleep as she’s falling asleep in the same place. When she falls asleep on me she very rarely stays asleep longer than 15 minutes once transferred.

She isn’t completely silent but definitely not crying. It’s more grunting etc. Is this still okay?

Show quote history

Yes that sounds ok, if a baby was unhappy or distressed they would certainly let you know

AlisounOfBath · 09/04/2025 15:20

Grunting, snorting… mine were even doing something that sounds like barking! It’s normal. They sleep more quietly when they’re bigger. Unless your baby is in a vault at the bottom of the garden, there is absolutely no way you’ve slept through her crying. This is new mum anxiety talking. You’re doing great, just roll with it.

user1471538283 · 09/04/2025 15:23

You've got a good sleeper!

I promise you if she was crying right next to you you would hear it regardless how exhausted you were. Years ago they did a study with mothers and newborns all sleeping together and noticed that the mothers would sleep through other babies crying but would immediately wake when it was their baby.

My DS wasn't a good sleeper and I used to worry I was so exhausted I wouldn't wake if he cried. It didn't happen once. I could go from out cold to on my feet in seconds.

user1471538283 · 09/04/2025 15:25

Oh the little baby grunts! My DS used to grunt and root/snuffle. How lovely!

mindutopia · 09/04/2025 15:30

You’re doing absolutely fine. Please stop watching this shite on TikTok and whatnot. Dh has a business instagram and we post stuff and literally laugh about how people believe that that’s really how we live. It’s not. It’s just there for likes and to sell products from our business. People who have time to post about their baby’s bedtime routine constantly on social media are probably doing a lot of ignoring of their babies.

Thegreyestate · 09/04/2025 15:41

Don't overthink it, just do what naturally comes to you OP. Sounds like you've been doing an amazing job so far!