Worried that I’ve inadvertently been leaving my newborn to cry it out

[changernam]

I’m a first time mum of a 7 week old baby, she’s exclusively breastfed & sleeps in a next to me cot by my bed. Our night ‘routine’ is nappy, sleep sack, feed to sleep & into Moses in living room then transferred to the cot when I go to bed.

She will sleep 3-4 hours at a time, when she wakes I’ll change her nappy & feed her (all from bed) then pop her back into the cot and lay back down myself. I’ve been watching others’ nightime routines on FB & Tiktok & I’m now terrified I’ve been letting her cry herself to sleep each time. Everyone I’ve seen seems to be rocking the baby, watching shows to pass the time & ensuring they’re 100% asleep before going back to bed themselves.

She falls asleep at the breast most of the time during the day & at night but will usually wake once I place her down as she prefers to contact nap. For daytime naps, I usually swaddle & use white noise, sometimes feeds for comfort as doesn’t take a dummy consistently.

I’m now terrified that she’s been waking up once I’m asleep and I’ve slept through her cries. I’m not particularly sleep deprived and do wake up to her crying after the 3-4 hour stretch. Does this sound likely? Obviously going forward I’ll be taking more care but genuinely didn’t realise this and I feel terrible.

You say you are terrified — do you think there might be some postpartum anxiety in the mix? It’s an unusual thought pattern to be afraid you are doing something bad without knowing it.

No small baby is ever completely silent. They grunt constantly when they're asleep.

Sometimes if i can't keep my eyes open and am worried i'm going to fall asleep holding my little one, i'll pop him back into his next to me and fall back asleep. I know if he's distressed he'll cry and wake me.

Some babies are just good at self soothing in their little beds.

I remember anxiety really kicking in around week 7 and it's horrible.

To add - if your baby is happy in her cot having a little wriggle and snuffle around before falling asleep, that sounds perfect! Give her what she seems to want. If she’s not a contact napper then don’t try to make her into one. Maybe she just feels safe and cosy in her cot, and if she sleeps well that way then go with it! Sleep begets sleep, so if she’s getting good quality sleep and she isn’t keeping you up, thank the baby gods and go with it! I used to put mine down and they’d sort of chunter to themselves before falling asleep.

If I could go back in time and give myself one piece of advice it would be to come off all social media where you watch reels determined by an algorithm. You are so so vulnerable to absolute bulls*t advice that first year, and the more you watch the more you get. I had myself tied up in knots over it. And everyone has a solution to the problem they are making you think you have, but oh look you need to pay to access it. The second year when I could see the crap for what it was, I got so angry. Please stop watching TikToks. You’re doing a brilliant job of responding to your baby, don’t let clickbait and an AI driven algorithm convince you otherwise.

i just wanted to come back on and say thank you for all of your replies.

I think there is definitely an element of new mum anxiety, I had baby blues quite bad in the first few weeks and was extremely anxious and tearful about everything. I’ve been tracking wake windows and DD still prefers to be left alone to sleep most of the time providing I time it right

I’m still a little anxious as I’ve done a MN search & have been reading on old threads that babies this little, developmentally, cannot self settle/sooth and can only be taught that no one will meet their needs if they cry. Now racking my brains thinking if I’ve ever left her to cry at any point. Suppose I better get used to this new mum guilt

If she's getting herself to sleep in her own bed don't disrupt it, it's a skill some take years to perfect - you're obviously doing things right if she's feeling content enough not to need rocking to sleep!

LESS SOCIAL MEDIA OP 💐💐💐

Your baby is happy. You are overthinking. Put your phone dowwwwwwn, or at least swap the social media for something like candy crush (my habit was FarmVille) which will pass the boring bits of time without driving you down rabbit holes of imagining what you are doing wrong. Seriously, delete the apps.

I can’t comment on whether babies this young can self soothe - but it doesn’t sound like your baby is distressed and so doesn’t need soothed at these times if that makes sense?

I have 3, all much older than yours and my DS always preferred to fall asleep in his crib and be returned there during the night after a feed. He used to cry if we didn’t 😂
On the other hand both my dd’s needed to be held or rocked to sleep and their eyes would open the instant their backs touched the mattress of the crib.
I suppose I’m trying to say that all babies are different and you are doing a fantastic job looking after and loving your baby.
I think you’re more likely to see and read accounts of people with crying babies as opposed to those who sleep more easily so that skews the data you see!