Feeling overwhelmed with baby, will it get easier?

[BalloonBloom]

Had a baby 5 weeks ago. Planned and wanted pregnancy after an awful miscarriage. Was looking forward to being a mum though was a bit nervous.

Now that he is here, I feel completely overwhelmed by everything. Feeding was very stressful to start with, hoped to breastfeed but didn't work out, which I feel very guilty about. For the first couple of weeks each bottle feed was hard as he was so sleepy and we had to wake him every three hours and then spend over an hour trying to get him to stay awake to drink. Took 3 weeks to get back to his birth weight. We are "responsively bottle feeding" now and I'm finding that stressful too. Worried he's not getting enough or getting too much.

Worrying about weaning now - I have no idea at all about it. Worrying about babyproofing the house, how will we find time? Just feeling overwhelmed about everything and that I am not cut out to be a mum. I'm almost scared to be on my own with him. Every morning I have a massive sense of dread about the day ahead, to the point I am dry heaving. My partner is very supportive, but also has to work so I need to pull myself together. No idea how people have more than one baby!

Not sure if this is postnatal depression, or anxiety, or just that I'm not mum material. I have reached out to health visitor and GP. Had a 3 min phone conversation with a male GP who told me I don't want to start taking antidepressants unless I really need them. I've been referred for mental health support, but there's a long waiting list.

Did anyone else feel the same? Will it get better?

Having your first baby is a massive change to your life, you will never experience this again. No amount of reading books or going to classes will prepare you.
Firstly, breast isn’t always best. What is best is a baby who is gaining weight, a mum who is relaxed and guilt free, you both bonding, and you enjoying motherhood.
Weaning is months away, don’t even think about it now, as is having to baby proof the house. Stop thinking about those things until you need to.
Yes, it will get better.
Are you getting out with baby? I found it very boring and lonely, those long days when DH was working, so do something every day, even if it’s just nipping to the shops or going for a walk. Get out in the sunshine. Also, make dates with family and friends.

It gets better OP but do discuss your concerns with your GP or HV.

I have three DC - 11, 4 and 1. I can say with lived experience and abundance of evidence that it gets easier and easier continually. Don’t lose heart. Newborns are relentlessly hard work because they need feeding around the clock and can’t really be left alone at any point. I remember feeling so overwhelmed when DS was a few weeks old and wondering how on earth I was meant to cope. He was my third baby so I had forgotten about how difficult it is.

I can also say with evidence that bottle feeding a baby leads to a happy, healthy baby. So does breastfeeding. I FF my first two after trying to BF so I can understand that feeling of failure. DS has been BF and I can hand on heart say I have seen no difference in him compared to my girls at any point that can be linked to how he is fed.

My HV offered me a course for weaning so yours might have something similar even if it’s months away. There’s also loads of really good stuff online about it. We did purées with DD1 and BLW with the younger two. BLW is easier in my experience and led to children much more willing to eat things with different textures. DD1 would rather I made all her food smooth even at 11!

Babyproofing isn’t necessary until baby is actively crawling/walking. Then you can focus just on the room you spend most time in and then making sure there is a safe place to put baby when you need to do something without them. Again, you have plenty of time for this and there are loads of products you can buy.

Finally, if you’re feeling that down about it, reach out to local mum groups or your HV/midwife. We have a local group around my way that is designed for mums with mental health struggles. It’s not therapy or anything but support together from people who understand.

OP, you’re doing brilliantly! Don’t be so hard on yourself.

I found the early days so hard. All I could do was take it one day at a time and we got there, DD is now 10!

Keep talking to your HV and GP.

As a PP mentioned it can be really helpful going to a baby group. I found it really reassuring, other Mums who had also had no sleep and felt overwhelmed. I wasn’t alone.

It also helped getting out, as I felt that was impossible until about 6 weeks! It was all sofa and pyjamas until then.

Sending strength. It does get easier, one day at a time.

It's a hug shift and you are only 5 weeks in. Any new life change feels unsettling at first.

You can tell he is eating enough if he is gaining weight and has plenty of wet nappies. You don't need to worry so much about quantities unless those things stop happening, in which case change your approach.

Don't panic about weaning an baby proofing right now. It doesn't need to be sorted instantly. You've got months of smaller milestones like the first smile, grabbing a toy, learning to roll etc.

Once baby is on the move, which could be ages away, mine didn't crawl till 11 months, you can get large play pens or room dividers at first to contain the baby if you need to out them down and keep them safe while you work out what needs baby proofing.

Again, weaning is a slow process. No need to stress about it now. Baby will get most nutrients from milk at first which ever weaning method you chose. And it really doesn't matter. I have one fussy eater and one not. It wasn't how I weaned them that did it as I did the same.

stop worrying about future problems and just take one day at a time. Chunk up the day and decide what you’re going to do while baby is awake and while they nap.

we never had to baby proof the house with our daughter. You’re just catastrophising and spiralling by worrying about the future

Babies nap more regularly and in good chunks as they grow, and they start to go down in an evening at a predictable time - so you have time to do things. Things start to feel less chaotic

weaning was quite easy with both. I did a week or two of mushed up versions of whatever I was eating to get them used to the idea of food, and then eased into BLW and just giving them what I have.

i can recommend the solid starts app for pictures of how to cut common foods for each age and stage.

Ultimately, everything feels difficult because motherhood is a new skill to learn and you master one part of it and another new bit rears its ugly head! If it’s not weaning it’s potty training or conflict resolution trying to stop your toddler pulling another’s hair 😬🤣

In general, you get used to things after a while, and the babies do become easier anyway.

So for now, just remember, one day at a time!! One hour at a time!

and my mantra: everybody fed, nobody dead? Then you’re winning 😁😁

Yes - it gets easier. I now have a 16 year old (GCSE year which is a bit of a stress in its own right but still easier than the baby days!) and a 14 year old so I feel qualified to tell you it absolutely gets easier.

Hang on in there and just take each day as it comes. Don’t worry about weaning or baby proofing all in one go you have ages! Babies are unremittingly hard. Teenagers are hard but in a less overwhelming (mostly) way, ditto toddlers - you also have to glory years of 4-12 all ahead of you. You’ll be fine.

I am sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re a first time mum too, no one prepares you for that!. You won’t believe this right now, but it does get better. The first 2-3 months are the hardest with sleep, feeding, and everything else. After that, things settle. Don’t worry about weaning yet, and babyproofing will come in their own time.
If you have family or a friend, please ask for help. Lack of sleep and stress can really take a toll on you. Going out for a walk or a coffee helped a lot. You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

It will get easier OP. Ditch the guilt about breast feeding - fed is best.

You've got ages before baby starts moving so don’t worry about baby proofing the house right now. Same with weaning - that’s ages away - you can find out about that online or get a book in the future.

You had a baby 5 weeks ago! Be kind to yourself, rest and get out and about for some fresh air if you can.

It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed with responsibility and yes it does get better. The weaning and baby proofing is months away so just concentrate on one day at a time. Look back on how far you have come in 5 weeks. You have met the challenges of establishing a feeding routine that works for you and your baby. Your baby is fine, regained their birth weight and it is a constant worry about whether they are getting enough.

I also didn't breastfeed either of mine beyond 3 weeks due to issues with both and I have strapping 6ft boys now. Fed is fed.

Where I was we had baby weigh in sessions but also a weigh and stay where you could meet other Mums and chat. Just keep getting your baby weighed on the schedule that they suggest (it has been a while for me) and get out of the house even if it is just for a walk around the block and back.

You are also recovering from growing a human inside you. You will be tired from interrupted sleep and all the mental responsibility of solo parenting during the day. Do you have any friends who can come round to see you? Any family? Bottle feeding means it isn't all down to you so your partner can do as much as they can.

You are doing great it just feels like you aren't when you are knee deep in newborn babyville. As I said, look back at the last 5 weeks to see how far you have come. You probably change a nappy now with far more ease because you have done it so many times. Keep posting and reaching out on here but also in real life, hopefully you have a nice health visitor. Mine was brilliant.

Stop feeling bad about the bottle feeding. You’re doing amazing. Yes it’s overwhelming. Can anyone help for a few minutes so you get five minutes to yourself to just breath (or sleep!!). It does get better and you’ll get more time. Me and my first baby could barely leave our bedroom before 1pm in the first few weeks we were stuck in a cycle of feeding nappy crying sleep 🤣 it’s not like that forever x

Thank you for all your nice replies.

I don't think it helps that I did NCT classes, and the rest of the women are pretty much gushing about their babies all day on our WhatsApp chat, going out and about with them, whereas I am struggling to leave the house for a walk to the shop.

OP how much daily company are you getting? It’s so hard being a first time mother and a bit of gentle company makes all the difference. Do you have any family around who can visit? Can DH take a day off a week for a few weeks? Can you afford a doula for a few hours a day for a couple of weeks? Just to get you into the swing of things? It’s not natural for new mothers to be as solitary as they end up being in many western cultures

Ps don’t worry about comparing yourself to the other NCT mums. Whatever they’re saying on WhatsApp it’s bloody hard for pretty much everyone

I think people aren’t always genuine with how they feel after having a baby. The world we live in people very much display the side they want people to see.

I found 6 weeks a bit of a turning point as it just all calmed down a bit. I think my hormones did too.

Congratulations OP! Becoming a Mum is bonkers, those first few months are insane. For me, I needed to let go of what everyone else was doing and saying and focus on me and my baby. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. Those women on WhatsApp are probably feeling similarly to you but they have created a group where it isn't ok to share these harder aspects of motherhood. Let them crack on, drop in and out of that group when you feel like it. Make sure you look after you and give yourself time to allow those harder feelings, it is hard, it is healthy to acknowledge that. I would agree though that if you are worried you should speak to your GP again or get other support. It's ok to feel overwhelmed though, it is overwhelming.

Not much. I don't have any local family unfortunately. Have my in laws but I feel like they are judging me for struggling. My MIL keeps telling me to enjoy it and that this is the best part of life, which makes me feel a bit hopeless tbh.

Most of my friends are at work in the week. I also feel like I should be spending one on one time with baby to bond with him, which is a bit bonkers as he's asleep most of the time!

I was looking at a doula, but then felt a bit ridiculous as if it means I can't cope, but if the shoe fits...

tbh it’s horrible at the start.

talk to other mums as much as you can about every little concern. there will be other people with all the exact same concerns going through it at the same time as you!

100% truth

I really opened up in our group chats (because idgas!) snd it encouraged others to follow suit.

When was your baby born? March? Go and look for a march 2025 thread on the pregnancy boards here & ask if u can join their whatsapp/fb group. they will have one.

Promise that's the best thing you can do as everybody is it the same stage as you and it's slightly more anonymous so everybody will be more likely to share their struggles on what they're going through. plus it is Company and frequent solutions, people sharing what works for them, people with older kids sharing advice. I found both of my groups invaluable

Your MIL is right in that you should try to just enjoy the stage you’re at but it’s easier said than done. I loved mine as newborns with their little snuggles and sleeping a lot. I also hated it because I couldn’t put them down to entertain themselves and I had to time having a shower with when they were fed and content and my DH could have them.

I love my children at each stage and I enjoy each one for different reasons. I have also found that I haven’t enjoyed each stage for various reasons.

Feeling like you’re not coping is not the same as not coping. Asking for help is not a weakness and is actually a sign of strength and the depth of your love that you feel for your baby.

It’s so hard isn’t it! Don’t forget you’re absolutely full of hormones right now - I remember at 6 weeks my mum left and I felt like HOWLING with loneliness when I would go for a walk with baby. It was so weird because I was like, if I was just walking down the street on my own on a day off work, I would feel great, but somehow the addition of the pram (and in hindsight the hormones) and I felt so so lonely.

Some things that helped me a lot were figuring out how to use the wrap, I got a moby wrap and it was really great once I figured out how to put baby in there as then I could wander around hands free. I also found people were much friendlier when baby wearing vs having a pram, which made walking around more pleasant (although NB that at 6 weeks I wasn’t managing to get out of the house every day and only for short outings when I did!).

It does sound like you’re unnecessarily thinking ahead. You really just have to kind of suspend your normal thinking and take each day at a time.

Make sure you’re not drinking too much caffeine either, more than two cups and I am very anxious.

You're almost at the stage when you can start some mild exercise again, which will make you feel better as well.

Give yourself grace, it’s okay to cry every day and it’s okay to not be enjoying it. Just take each day or even each wake window one at a time and take care of yourself.

Make sure your partner is stepping up and giving you baby free day time and sleeping time as well. If it gets too hard don’t be afraid to ask your DH to take a day off work and give you a full day of rest or even just company.

Another thing we did was ensure that I get to sleep in the spare room at least one or two nights a week (the silver lining of bottle feeding!). Getting that time to just sleep through is amazing for mental health.

Yes it gets better. I promise! I breast-fed my son he had a short tongue but I didn't realise at the time he just cried at night. All night due to colic and reflux. I was soo tired, was told by my mother 'you decided to have him' and laughed down the phone. I have a sister who had her baby 2 months after mine and a total dream. Didn't understand why this parenting was so hard I thought these were the easiest of times according to others. Your a brand new mum don't put pressure on yourself just try and take everyday as it comes. It will and does get easier. Sending love your way 💓

It will get easier.
Right now just stay in your PJs, watch TV and feed baby whenever the schedule says. Apart from that, there's no need to do anything at a specific time. Go easy on yourself. I found 6-7 weeks a turning point and 12 weeks easier again

It sounds like you might be a little bit on the anxious side, would you consider talking to someone - I know you're on the MH list, could you afford a private appointment?

Are there new mum support groups in your area?

Maybe instead of NCT see if there is a 'first time family's or 'new mum's group near you run by the council or even a local church or charity. I didn't click with NCT at all, but my first time family group was a godsend. They also had mini taught sessions ever other week which covered weaning, dental care, first aid for babies, how to get free help at the pharmacy and more.

please get rid of this idea of how you should be bale to cope and be enjoying yourself. Think about how we evolved. In villages with lots of other adults and others around. As a new mother your hormones are wild. I look back on my time as a first time mother and i was so anxious (as MANY people are) because in essence we are programmed to be hyper vigilant in order to keep our utterly helpless bundle of baby alive. You will absolutely bond with your baby if others are around. Possibly even better as you will hopefully be feeling more relaxed and less anxious. This is not an endurance test. Give yourself a break and the permission to get whatever help you need and I actually think both you and your baby will have a better time of it. FWIW I had absolutely loads of doula help, both with my first and even more with my second. She was amazing. Held the baby so I could sleep, made me nutritious food so I didn’t even have sugar cravings, and just generally kept me sane. I think of her often. I didn’t have any family around who could help and was an absolute godsend. Also, just another reference point, an Indian friend of mine had a cousin come and live with her for about 6 months after her baby was born. Not everyone can or would want to do that, but please get rid of this Western notion that you will fail if you can’t manage absolutely everything all by yourself :) xx