Feeling overwhelmed with baby, will it get easier?

[BalloonBloom]

Had a baby 5 weeks ago. Planned and wanted pregnancy after an awful miscarriage. Was looking forward to being a mum though was a bit nervous.

Now that he is here, I feel completely overwhelmed by everything. Feeding was very stressful to start with, hoped to breastfeed but didn't work out, which I feel very guilty about. For the first couple of weeks each bottle feed was hard as he was so sleepy and we had to wake him every three hours and then spend over an hour trying to get him to stay awake to drink. Took 3 weeks to get back to his birth weight. We are "responsively bottle feeding" now and I'm finding that stressful too. Worried he's not getting enough or getting too much.

Worrying about weaning now - I have no idea at all about it. Worrying about babyproofing the house, how will we find time? Just feeling overwhelmed about everything and that I am not cut out to be a mum. I'm almost scared to be on my own with him. Every morning I have a massive sense of dread about the day ahead, to the point I am dry heaving. My partner is very supportive, but also has to work so I need to pull myself together. No idea how people have more than one baby!

Not sure if this is postnatal depression, or anxiety, or just that I'm not mum material. I have reached out to health visitor and GP. Had a 3 min phone conversation with a male GP who told me I don't want to start taking antidepressants unless I really need them. I've been referred for mental health support, but there's a long waiting list.

Did anyone else feel the same? Will it get better?

I found the first three months pretty much hell. Also had feeding issues and baby basically never slept unless she was on me so I never slept.

I strongly recommend getting out for a walk once a day, it’s a non negotiable I had. Staying inside made me feel even worse

As others have said stop worrying about what’s next, mine is 5.5 months and I’m only just starting to think about weaning. Baby proofing is way in the future!

It will get better OP . I had PND and the best therapy for me was getting out everyday ,for walk ,supermarket,seeing friends ,new friends from antenatal classes. Plus meds for about 6 months.
Reach out on the group chat for a meet up . Every single one of those Mums will have their own worries,I can guarantee that !
If you really do find yourself spiralling,please contactGP / HV . GP definitely should not be dismissive with a new Mum.X

Two things from me:

Antidepressants will help, I had terrible PND and took meds and they were literally life-saving. Hi to a different GP and get a prescription.

Yes get a doula if you can afford one, they help and support and replace the village we no longer have. It's not a failure, it's a sensible use of the sisterhood.

It definitely gets easier, I absolutely promise it won't always be so hard.

I felt just like you. You just have to keep on trucking.

My advice, make some nice mum friends and if your mood is low and doesn't improve ask for help. I got PND with my first and took citalopram for about 18 months. They helped me so much. I also tried to get out and about and made a good friend with a baby the same age. We laughed, moaned and cried together. Try looking online.

I thought I'd made a big mistake but things got so much better I had a second! Second time round was a breeze because I was so much more confident and knew what to expect.

They're 18 and 14 now! You will be ok

I feel so low I feel like the only way to feel better is by not being here. Spoke to the GP and made an appointment with a different doctor. Think I need some antidepressants, never been on them before but I can't carry on feeling like this.

This doesn't sounds like PND but very much normal newborn overwhelm. The first 12 weeks are basically chaos, even with an 'easy' baby. It's hard to leave the house, you don't know what your baby's trying to communicate, you're underslept and overwhelmed. I promise you, you are cut out for this, it just doesn't feel like it right now. Ignore any ideas of perfect earth-mothers who do everything right - they don't exist. You are good enough, and that's all that matters.

I would like to say well done on not carrying on breastfeeding if it wasn't working. No one should make you feel guilty about that, least of all yourself! I have experience both of it not working out (first time) and working (second time) and I will absolutely fight for every mum to do what she needs to at the stage to get baby fed.

Best of luck, the fog does gradually start to clear and you will likely find your stride in another 4-6 weeks.

@BalloonBloom please see your doctor the crisis team, family your worth more, it's a lot of pressure being a new mum. I promise it will get easier. I wish I could hug you right now and tell you everything will be okay. Talking will help. Your not alone xx

Please know that you are absolutely so deserving of being here. Postpartum depression is incredibly tough, and so many mums feel the way you do, I DID. But I promise it gets better. I really hope the doctor can help and get you the support you need soon. Hormones after having a baby can make everything feel so much harder, but this will pass, and you will get through it, even if it feels impossible right now. Speak to a family member, go out for a walk, go to children centres playgroups, they really help. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time op! ❤️

Well done for going to your gp. You know you best and what is and is not normal for you. Newborns are really hard and a lot of people struggle you are only a few weeks post partum, you are still recovering from the birth and adjusting to your new normal. I have 3 children and did suffer with post natal anxiety after each. I was put on antidepressants which helped massively and within a few months I felt much better and was able to wean successfully off them. I would encourage your dh to also go with you to gp visit so he is fully aware of how he needs to support you. I had an amazing gp who explained to my dh what was going on for me and how he could support me.
As the saying goes, this too shall pass, and you will get to a place where you are feeling and managing better and able to enjoy your baby.

Having a baby is terrifying…no one really tells you that. I remember the first day my husband went back to work..after a week..the house was quiet and I had this little thing to look after. I was shit scared. Then the HV had her final visit and said we were all good and I cried as she drove off up the road..and don’t get me started on mums groups 😂 ..awful places.

I didn’t leave the house for 3 weeks. You will find your groove. Keep clean (shower and dress every morning), keep fed and when baby sleeps, you sleep. Lack of sleep is the killer. Get some fresh air every day. Go for a walk, babies love fresh air and you’ll feel less like a zombie.

23 years since my first and it could feel like yesterday.

Cut yourself some slack. You’re doing great..🙌

You are doing the right thing, you are very brave.

It will get better. I had PND and took the antidepressants which were really a massive help. I also made sure I got out and had exercise, fresh air and a change of scenery as often as possible which also helped. I tried to do all the stuff to help myself (which was possible once I was on the citalopram).

Babies get much easier around age 1 and my PND improved loads (GP told me this was exactly what would happen and it did).

Second time round I didn't get PND at all. It doesn't feel like it now but you can make a full recovery.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You are not alone. Having a newborn is amazing but completely life changing. I remember having such bad anxiety when my son was born. I'd never had anxiety before and it was awful. I chipped my teeth as I was grinding my teeth so hard, I had constant anxiety, heart palpitations, upset tummy. I remember feeling full of adrenaline and in fight or flight mode all the time. I remember panicking how I would cope going back to work too.

I remember gearing myself up for a walk and it would take me almost all day and then he would just scream so I wouldn't go. I felt like I'd lost myself.

Well done for reaching out for help. My husband did a few days of the night feeds so I could sleep. I started driving to my Mums for a change of scenery which helped. Do you have family near? I remember a turning point when he was about 4 months old and I managed a walk, the sun was shining and he didn't scream. It was the first time I'd felt happy in months.

You are in the trenches now. Try not to worry about the future just one day at a time. It will get better, I promise.

You're doing a great job even if you don't feel like you are xx

Echoing the words of others here. I found the first few months awful. It does get better. Don’t worry about too far into the future, just do what you need to do to get through the day.

Breast or bottle? Yes as a population, breast is best, but for the baby you are holding, the difference is tiny. Fed is best. I felt terribly guilty that I couldn’t breast-feed my second like I did my first; I look at him now and wonder what the hell I was worried about.

The problem is that all this is new, and we all find different bits hard. Teenage years have been a dream for me, but the toddler days drove me mad. My friend LOVED having toddlers, and their teens have been hideous.

Take all the support you can, always, and don’t feel in the slightest bit guilty about it. 💐

Everyone else who said that they found it tough: did you feel like you hadn't bonded with your baby at first? Did it get better eventually?

I feel like I'm looking after someone else's baby and waiting for them to get back

You are allowed to feel as you do, it sounds very normal. I was absolutely stunned for about the first four months after I had my first, just couldn’t seem to take it all in or believe it was possible to be so tired or that it was so hard to leave the house.. and also gave up breastfeeding after a couple of weeks and felt terrible and had a sleepy/low weight feeder who used to projectile vomit a lot 🙈

I obviously got over it though as went on to have 3 more DC and was very confident after they were born! It just takes time. Stay at home in your pyjamas as much as you want/need to, don’t worry about any formal “bonding time”, you are bonding just while being together. You can sleep when the baby sleeps or you can watch boxsets on Netflix, whatever you fancy doing, and just change and feed baby when you need to.. you don’t need to do anything else at all at this stage, you are getting over the birth still too.

As far as I remember, it seems to get a tiny bit easier at around 6 weeks, then again at 12 weeks, those stand out as points in my mind so something good much have happened…While the weather is nice, you could also get outside if you have a garden, and put the baby in the shade to sleep, you may as well sunbathe if the sun stays out!

Did you have a traumatic birth? I know they can all be a little bit, but some much more than others, and that can really affect the first months and the way you feel about bonding. How often do health visitors come out and visit these days? It used to be quite often but I’m guessing that it’s not for so long now.

Re: bonding, if I’m completely honest I was a little unsure about my eldest at first 😬 but it’s easier when they start to smile and laugh and you build more of a connection together.

Hi OP, just dropping in to suggest the PANDAS foundation, who support women with PND. They run Facebook groups and have a callback service, I believe.

Bonding can be tough in the early days. I found singing to my baby really helpful, and just talking to her throughout the day. Not about anything in particular, I was just chatting shit to her mostly haha. But it helped. Thinking of you and hoping things improve soon ❤️

I feel for you OP.

Iv have a daughter who is 3 and a son who is 6 months. Me and my husband were together 9 years before we had her and I’d wanted a baby for years.

When she was born it was the complete opposite to what I imagined, it was hard and some days I couldn’t wait until bedtime. I was so nervous about everything. I dreaded weaning for weeks but one day something clicked and I thought I am really not doing a bad job here. Im sure you are doing a great job with your baby

I also found it tough looking after my longed for rainbow baby at first. What helped me was going to lots of mum and baby groups and finding some solidarity and getting out. I learnt rhymes and actions to sing with her and through that I felt we bonded. I also saw how everyone else interacted with their babies and felt like I learned what worked for us.

I also went to a parent-infant therapy charity who videoed me with my baby and showed me everything I was doing right! That really helped as I felt I was a terrible clueless mum at first.

Looking back I’d say I wish I’d let myself feel less guilt. You’re obviously a great mum as you’re trying to do your best for your little one. We’re not designed to look after babies on our own so reach out wherever you can to get the support you need.