What has your OCD convinced you is true?

[Limeandbasil90]

I’m deep in a period of fixed obsessive, rumination and intrusive thoughts. I’ve restarted my medication, I should never have bloody stopped them.

I just want to feel a little bit less alone

Thanks :)

@Limeandbasil90If I’m honest not really, it’s just something I’ve put up with because I am in general an anxious person / over thinker so put it down to that. I have good periods for a few weeks and then something might happen & the cycle continues

I’ve suffered with things like this my entire life but never officially diagnosed with OCD. When I was a child, I was convinced I’d left the tap on and wouldn’t leave the house unless I’d checked. I have rituals and sayings that I have to adhere to otherwise there could be disastrous consequences. Recently, I’m terrified that I’ve left my LO in her bath, even though I am literally drying her off and getting her ready for bed, I’m worrying I’ve imagined it and she is still in the bath. So much so, I have to check. Literally, carrying her back into the bathroom wrapped in her towel to check she’s not in the bath, I mean?? What on earth? I had to confess to my husband that I was scared id put our baby in the oven-completely irrational. Secretly, I won’t put a wash on if my DH isn’t at home just incase I accidentally put the baby in there, it’s actually a terrible mental load to have, I find talking through my intrusive thoughts does help. It’s actually been really therapeutic to share them on here! Also, absolutely terrified of something happening to LO at night so I sometimes just gently snooze and constantly check on her then I’m scared that I’ll be too exhausted to look after then not realise and go completely mental…

I thought my OCD was under control until I read this and realised how many things I still do. I've had the handwashing OCD for over 25 years, at my worst a cup of tea involved washing my hands about 5 times during the process. I was obsessed that if I didnt, I would poison everyone in my household. Now I can make a cuppa with only one handwash which in my mind is a success.

However, I still avoid touching doorhandles. I have medical wipes if I need to use the photocopier, shake hands or hand to lend someone my swipecard.Post is still contaminated and needs a handwash afterwards. I still cant eat food I have touched. Crisps have to tipped into my mouth, sandwiches need a fork.

I now cant do anything if the numbers on a digital clock add up to 13 or if it shows a 13 in the minutes, and have to wait until it ticks to the next minute.

I'm still convinced I have cancer or am going to fall down the stairs and die. At the start of this year I admitted to DH Im currently terrified I am going to die this year.

Strangley enough, whilst I am convinced I have cancer and have had multiple areas checked for it, MS was never on my radar and yet now I have been diagnosed with it. I spent my younger years washing my body (I would shower at least twice a day, more if I felt dirty or had gone out), and now my insides are attacking my spinal column.

I told my boss once that I had OCD, he laughed and said you dont, your desk is too messy! He refused to understand how multi-faceted OCD can be.

On the other hand, MIL had convictions with her OCD (DH clearly went from her to me - both with OCD). At her worst, she was convinced she had had an affair and DH was the product of that, not her husband. She was also convinced she was being followed by strange cars, that local houses contained people to watch her, and that they were swapping the chimmney pots of houses to confuse her! (We never understood that particular one!) My MIL is lovely, but the most unlikely person to warrent any of this to be true. We were never told, but at the time of our wedding preperations, MIL went into hospital but we were never told the reason, but looking back there were signs then her OCD was spiraling, we know she made a wedding cake for our wedding to bring in case anything happened to ours. She never told us at the time, I would have welcomed it and we would have eatten it happily at our wedding had we known as she makes fabulous tastey cakes - I just didnt want to add anything to her workload.

Omg this is THE thread for me and I’m actually laughing with relief because wow! I am not alone and wow! Our brains are so bizarre and similar.
truth is I’ve probably had the worst of intrusive thoughts ever since I was a kid and yes it got worse once my baby came along. But Yano what I’m a genius at now? Knowing these thoughts really really don’t hurt me, I mean I’ve thought awful shit about myself and others. I think being a mother when you are full of love and your biggest fear of the worst case scenario tortures you. Then it branches off. And off, until you’re finally like oh I’m not a pedo, murderer, baby killer, psychopath, mix psychosis, ready to be sectioned woman. I’m just scared of real things that could happen- but in all probability won’t. And my brain is trying to control it all incase it does- and probably never will. So now I’m like MEH bring it on brain, 🧠
also with my rapid crazy fake scenarios I realised I’m adrenaline fuelled rapid response in REAL emergency situations unlike others who freeze and panic.
so it does have a positive side to it x

If i dont count the figurines while going down the stairs in a certain way a loved one will die and it will be my fault, and i can stop them dying by counting in this way

This thread needs to be linked every time someone claims that they're 'a bit OCD'.

I don't have it, thank goodness, but my close friend does, and their experiences were eye opening for me. It's a terrible thing, and I get infuriated on their behalf when the term is used so lightly.

Thank you for being so open. I hope that this thread will be an education for many.
I wish you all peace, and effective treatment if you can access it.

I feel absolutely dreadful today and am taking the day off work 😣

Wishing you all the best OP. Bless you all (and the bit of me that recognizes some of these traits).

Hope you're taking it easy OP. It will pass. X

How are you today @Limeandbasil90 ?

@thismummyslife my heart ached for you reading this as I was EXACTLY the same when my DS was born, that was when my OCD began to really spiral out of control.

Please, go and ask for help. Medication and ERP are life changing and it doesn't have to be this way. I wish I hadn't waited as long to seek help.

...

Mine has changed over the years, I have different 'themes' at different times. My worst has definitely been thinking I'm a paedophile.

Hi thanks so much for asking. I went back to work today and managed ok. I feel calmer and more in control than over the last few days. I’m praying I’m turning a corner and that I don’t wake up tomorrow back at rock bottom. How are you?

I used to be afraid I would harm my newborn. I thought I was going mad but too afraid to tell anyone. In the end I had CBT which worked wonders. It ended during lockdown which was weird because I felt my issues around hygiene felt completely justified.
I would definitely benefit from more CBT now but I try and remember the strategies.
Sending love OP x

I try to remind myself that abusers don’t have intrusive thoughts. They just have thoughts. So they imagine hurting someone and rather than feeling awful about it, they just treat it like any other thought and do it.

It helps when I do things like imagine putting the cat in the microwave or whatever.

So to all those who have obsessive thoughts about being a paedo, you know you’re not one because those thought are distressing to you.

@wizzbittI’m repeating myself here, probably to an irritating degree, as I often mention this book on threads about OCD and posters may have seen this before (and I also realise a book alone is not enough for many people). However, if you did find CBT helpful and want a reminder of the basis of it and some of the techniques then I think you might fine this book useful https://www.ocduk.org/shop/break-free-from-ocd/

Holy fuck, same. I have dreams about it.

Maybe serial killers are those who have intrusive thoughts, but instead of resisting give in

Nah, I don’t reckon that at all. I think it’s just that they don’t feel bad when they have those thoughts. A bit like I might feel about buying an ice cream.

One of the reasons I've stopped driving is because I am convinced I have caused/been involved in an accident, like another poster said.

This comment shows you don't understand how intrusive thoughts work.

Intrusive thoughts are generally ego dystonic, meaning they are at the complete OPPOSITE of your values.

You wouldn't act on an intrusive thought, that's what makes it OCD.

Serial killers aren't having 'intrusive thoughts' about killing then acting on them. They're having normal thoughts.

I know, have I trusive thoughts myself. Was just musing.

People are so lectury on the internet, "well ackshully" as if you are all the font of all knowledge

The worst:
-As a teacher I would actually go back to work after I had left as I was convinced I’d written terrible words in the kids books after marking. This happened frequently. Of course I hadn’t
-intrusive thoughts about family members harming my child- became debilitating

Ugh so many :( mine was in remission for about 3 years but then randomly returned with a vengeance. It’s usually philosophical / existential themes but I had ‘relationship OCD’ years ago and I also get obsessive about random health things. Oh and emetophobia!

Previous health fixations have been skin cancer, emphysema, sepsis/ meningitis, depression (what if it’s actually depression not OCD and I get so depressed i kill myself…)

My latest focus of health anxiety is ALS/ motor neurone disease. It seems to be in the news a lot and although I know it’s rare it just sounds so utterly bleak and horrific that I am
obsessively worrying about getting it, as if it’s inevitable. Last week I was getting weird twitching in my arms and spent hours googling the likelihood of that being ALS. It’s almost like my brain’s decided it’s just a matter of time til I get it, so it’s hard to enjoy/ engage with anything. I’ve got to the point of vaguely planing a trip to dignitas in the event it happens 😱 Ridiculous i know, and I feel so guilty and pathetic when some people are actually dealing with the reality of it.

Most weeks I have to find the cat to ensure that I've not locked her in the washing machine. The tumble dryer and oven I can quickly open to check.

That I will accidentally post something "incriminating" and humiliating to someone. Or put something in the bin for someone to find.

That I have contaminated the food with poison or glass accidentally.

That I have cancer /AIDS/schizophrenia

That I have hurt my children and forgotten.

That I will turn into a pedophile.

That I will kill someone in the car.

That god knows I had an impure thought because I saw a statue of hot Jesus in a church as a teenager and that one haunted me for years until I became an atheist.

If I say things are going well, someone will get me for being cocky and something terrible will happen.

That my family and husband don't actually like me.

That I'm living in a simulation.

When I was young it was more ritually and I had lots of physical things I had to do. Like burn one hand on the hob, because I'd burnt the other accidentally. It's more in my head now.

I am not all that upset about the use of OCD as a short had for being a bit fussy though. I find it easier to say I have OCD because of it. I don't really need or necessarily want people to understand what it actually means.