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Original poster

What would you do in this situation?

31 replies

sad34 · 04/04/2025 12:30

Had a great first date with a guy. He was keen, arranges a second one on the date / day after.

Have the second date. It also goes well and you end up spending the night together and the whole day afterwards. Agree to do something next Friday aka today.

Continue to message all week but not as much. Can feel he is pulling back. Friday / meeting up again not mentioned at all.

Get to said day of date. Have heard nothing since Wednesday evening.

Like what the fuck? I feel so shit because I thought he was into me, and we spent so much time together. I really don’t know what to do or how to feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
sad34 · 04/04/2025 12:36

Anyone?

OP posts:
MoosakaWithFries · 04/04/2025 12:38

I would leave this OP and not message him. Seems like he wanted the sex and nothing else.

LadyKenya · 04/04/2025 12:40

It would seem to be the case that he has got what he wanted, so does not have to make much effort any more, if at all. Take more time going forward.

Lurkingandlearning · 04/04/2025 13:34

Yep, he’s moved on to the next quick fling. Don’t give him any more thought.

But it’s fucking annoying isn’t it. I get why these guys play nice in order to get sex, even conning women into thinking it would be an ongoing thing. But once they have got that why keep the deceit going for another day or so? Why not just say well that’s it for me, I don’t want to see you again. It wouldn’t be any more hurtful and would save a lot of confusion and disappointment

SwanOfThoseThings · 04/04/2025 13:39

MoosakaWithFries · 04/04/2025 12:38

I would leave this OP and not message him. Seems like he wanted the sex and nothing else.

Sadly, this.

SedumRoof · 04/04/2025 13:43

I would leave it. I don’t have the headspace or time to chase someone who isn’t interested in me, or to require them to justify their lack of interest. Don’t commit too much in your head after two dates, OP.

Ohbellayoubigtwat · 04/04/2025 13:50

I had this a few times. I would always just text “if you aren’t interested in meeting up again, at least have the bollocks to say so. I haven’t got time for games.”

One I never heard from again, but two actually had thee guts to appologise and say that they didn’t want a relationship, and they should have been more honest. I didn’t reply, obviously. Nor would I responded if they had come up with some crap about being busy - no one is ever too busy to send a ten second text.

I just always felt like if someone was being a dick, it needed pointing out to them, hopefully they would think about doing it to someone else.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 04/04/2025 13:50

While I fully support women who have sex with men from the get go (and I've done that a number of times myself) I've found it rare that a man is interested afterwards. It's not something I wanted to admit, but when speaking to friends it's happened to them, too, too many times to discount.

MoosakaWithFries · 04/04/2025 14:13

I have far more respect for the man/woman to just be transparent and say that they just want sex. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Sadly this is a learning point for you OP.

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 14:14

You didn't have a great first date, you were played. He was charm personified to get you in the sack.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 04/04/2025 14:21

Definitely don't message him again. I'd block.

And only sleep with a guy early on, if you're prepared for him to ghost you

Eggsboxedandmelting · 04/04/2025 14:23

How was his 'performance'? Maybe it didn't go his way and has given him second thoughts/embarrassed ... Not always about the woman op.

GeorgianaM · 04/04/2025 14:50

'It also goes well and you end up spending the night togethe'

Unfortunately that signals to him that you're not long term relationship/ wife material and he's got what he wanted and is on his way.

The truth is that many men are happy to sleep with women whilst barely knowing them but look down on women who do exactly the same thing.

Sugarfish · 04/04/2025 15:16

I had this situation a long time ago. I ended up chasing him for a bit. Wish I’d just left it. It would have prevented a lot of heartbreak. If he really wanted to see you he would. Don’t contact him, it’s time we started treating men the way they treat us.

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 15:23

Unfortunately that signals to him that you're not long term relationship/ wife material and he's got what he wanted and is on his way.

Nonsense. If someone is into you, they're into you irrespective of how soon you sleep together. If a man has sexist double standards then the trash took itself out.

GroovyChick87 · 04/04/2025 15:25

He's probably gone back to an ex or is looking for someone else. I'm sure he'll pop up again sooner or later but I wouldn't engage with him any further. He hasn't treated you well.

hatethesun · 04/04/2025 16:04

You was just a leg over sorry op i would not text him again just leave it now.
Most nail and bail im guilty of this but not as in dating i just have ONS.

Original poster
sad34 · 30/04/2025 23:22

Coming back to this thread. I am still dating this guy - things seemed to be going well - we’re about 6 dates in now. And the dates have been long and led to sleepovers. However we haven’t had the exclusivity chat and I noticed earlier this week that he’s updated his dating profile which made me feel really quite shit because I wonder why I am not good enough for him and he seems like he’s having a good time 😔 I don’t know how to approach this topic - whether to leave it, or bring it up…

OP posts:
echt · 01/05/2025 00:03

How times have changed. I was talking about this with DD only a few weeks ago. I’m 70 and when I was out and about as it were, the assumption was that you were exclusive right from the start. If you wanted to have other partners then you were expected to declare it. Exclusivity did not imply an intention to get married or live with somebody merely that you were only sleeping with one person..

SedumRoof · 01/05/2025 00:03

sad34 · 30/04/2025 23:22

Coming back to this thread. I am still dating this guy - things seemed to be going well - we’re about 6 dates in now. And the dates have been long and led to sleepovers. However we haven’t had the exclusivity chat and I noticed earlier this week that he’s updated his dating profile which made me feel really quite shit because I wonder why I am not good enough for him and he seems like he’s having a good time 😔 I don’t know how to approach this topic - whether to leave it, or bring it up…

So what happened to change your mind since your last post, when you were angry that he’d just dropped out of a spoken-of third date and gone totally silent?

nwsw · 01/05/2025 01:26

GeorgianaM · 04/04/2025 14:50

'It also goes well and you end up spending the night togethe'

Unfortunately that signals to him that you're not long term relationship/ wife material and he's got what he wanted and is on his way.

The truth is that many men are happy to sleep with women whilst barely knowing them but look down on women who do exactly the same thing.

Unfortunately it signals to him she's not wife material?

Ridiculous. Maybe she doesn't want to be 'wife material?' Just treated with decency and respect to be told that he just isn't into her.

It signals to me that he a dickhead. Trust your gut, if he's pulling away stop putting yourself out there.

I slept with someone on the second date and now we are married with a beautiful family. Admittedly it was the first (and last ha) time I'd done it so soon.

Original poster
sad34 · 01/05/2025 06:58

Yeah I just feel really quite offended and upset to be honest that he’s spent all of this time with me, slept with me on multiple occasions, even made comments / jokes about me talking to other guys… and yet he’s clearly still looking… 😔

OP posts:
HollidayRanger · 01/05/2025 07:00

why are you wasting your time? Dump him

SedumRoof · 01/05/2025 07:52

sad34 · 01/05/2025 06:58

Yeah I just feel really quite offended and upset to be honest that he’s spent all of this time with me, slept with me on multiple occasions, even made comments / jokes about me talking to other guys… and yet he’s clearly still looking… 😔

But you were offended and upset weeks ago that you’d gone on two dates thst turned into nights spent together and then he’d gone silent about a third date and you’d heard nothing at all by the day you were supposed to meet. That was a pretty clear signal. Why did you change your mind?

Original poster
sad34 · 01/05/2025 15:36

I thought I’d give him a second chance. And it’s been going pretty well since…. Clearly not for him!

OP posts:
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