What are weddings for?

[Gelatibon]

I'm honestly not that old, but when I got married and every wedding I've been to until say, the last decade, it was B&G (sometimes their parents) hosting friends and family while they celebrate joining two families together.

Therefore it would be odd if children weren't invited, little children on the dance floor were.oftenbthe highlight of the day, it would be really strange if the aesthetics.ofnthe day and the photos were more.importnst than the guests enjoying themselves, in day it would have been really odd if anyhhtibg was more important than the guests being comfortable and having fun.

If none of that is important to you, why invite anyone to your special day? Go and have a special day on your own.

1-Not everyone wants other people’s kids running about at their wedding. It’s an expensive day and people don’t want to hear wailing wee’ns carrying on through the service.

2- If you invite one and you have a lot of friends/family with kids, then it becomes difficult to say no to others. It can become like a play ground and again, that’s not everyone’s idea of fun.

3- Limited space and by inviting 12 kids could mean you can’t invite close adult friends because your budget doenst allow it.

4- Some parents enjoy a night off from their kids and love a wedding to let their hair down without their kid in tow!

Just a few reasons OP….

I got married 22 years ago and we had a child free wedding. It was nothing to do with the aesthetics or the photos (this was before digital cameras or social media) - it was mainly a cost / space issue.

Having kids there could double or triple the numbers and costs.

The child free weddings I've been to have generally been more comfortable than the ones with kids. Much less stressful imo.

Numbers and cost. If every couple becomes 4 people cos you have to invite their two kids, you can only invite half the number of couples. It's just maths!

To answer your question, my wedding was for celebrating with my friends, having a massive party, and getting everyone important to me in the same room.

I’m sure cost factors into it these days.

It’s not inconceivable to think that everyone has their own, different view of what their wedding day will be. For some people it will be about having the whole family together including kids, and for others it will be an adult event. As a guest I’ve always found childfree weddings better!

I love a wedding with kids, for me it’s a family celebration and kids are part of the family. In saying that I can count on one hand the number of child free weddings I’ve been to, it’s just not a thing in my circle of family and friends.

The venue capped the numbers (fire safety) and we have big families and multiple hobbies that involve lots of people, so a big guest list. If we had invited the kids of friends (who didn't really want to bring them anyway) we would have had to cut out all the friends from our hobbies.
Also we wanted people to feel free to drink as much as they wanted and have a great time, not worry about tripping over little Janet and feeling restrained to be super polite and appropriate!
It's not that we didn't want children (we love children) but just that we chose a wedding with relaxed and comfortable guests, and we didn't want to offend our dear friends by telling them they couldn't come because we'd invited second cousin Andy's 4 year old instead.

IMO this has come about partly because so many people are selfish and won't take their children outside if they cry/misbehave during important parts of the day. It's not unreasonable for people not to want the vows or speeches drowned out by the sound of babies crying or some kid's game noises on their phone.

(For the record, I'm no child-hater, we did have kids at ours and thankfully this didn't happen and the kids definitely enhanced the day, but I did worry a little beforehand about this.)

People get drunk and trip over them or stand on them.

We worded our invites carefully to say that children are welcome but don’t feel obliged to bring them if you want a night out. Budget wise, the kids meals were quite cheap at our venue. We made little gift bags with crayons etc for during speeches and asked the registrar to politely request at the start of the ceremony that any restless children are taken outside. It can be done as long as you manage it well.

We had no children (apart from actual babies) at our wedding, the celebration of the joining of two families is through the couple joining their families together - it doesn’t mean families like literal children, it just means the bride and grooms family lines. I’ve never seen children on the dance floor of a wedding as the highlight of the day 😂 If guests can’t enjoy themselves without children there, that’s a them problem. People can have a “special day” without catering to every single person ever.

Weddings are for the legal solemnisation of a marriage. They are a witnessed contract between two people. Got it OP? They are not "for" a party, a joining of two families, a chance to show off, dancing with small kids or any of the other things that might be added on.
Beyond the legal necessities, anything else is at the discretion of the couple.

Not sure why you’ve dressed this up as a general post when it’s clearly a reaction to a specific situation

Because some people's idea of a good time doesn't involve children. Or they might like spending time with children, but would have more fun not having to watch their language, drinking around children or have children potentially be disruptive. It's really that simple.

If you think about it, it's pretty bloody weird that anyone other than the two people getting married have any expectations of a wedding day. If you are invited for a long time it would be reasonable to expect to be told what the plan was for food/drink, but other than that, it's kind of odd that anyone would get upset over someone not throwing a party in a specific way. Just because it's a wedding.

I bloody love kids, and think they’re very cute, but really, them on the dance floor being the highlight of a wedding?! You’ve been to some dull weddings!
Everyone likes different things, that cannot be an alien concept to you, surely? Just extrapolate that to weddings. People like different things!

Why does it matter what people choose to do for THEIR wedding experience. Let them do everything that makes the day enjoyable for them.

I mean, if you get invited to a childfree wedding and don’t fancy it, you can just decline with thanks. They’re not a royal summons, after all. Different strokes and all that.

People are getting weirdly entitled about wedding reception food nowadays too, if some threads I've seen on MN recently are anything to go by.

Frankly most weddings are dull at ditchwater. The sound of screaming kids just adds to the pain.

Because children ( especially other people’s)
are annoying.

Funnily enough we invited children to our wedding (6 children around 3-8 years old at the time) and only one came, the 8 year old. The parents of the younger ones enjoyed a day off and were able to stay at the wedding later than if they'd brought their children. In my experience parents are often more relaxed and have more fun at a wedding without their children!

Weddings are for celebrating the start of a marriage - the start of a new family. We invited children to ours but not everyone wants to, which is fine. If you are getting married later in life you may have lots more nieces and nephews and friends' kids that your siblings and friends who got married earlier didn't have to accommodate. Including children can double the guest list!

Childfree weddings have been a thing for as long as I've been going to them (40 or so years) I think it's mostly due to space and cost, not photos and aesthetics but I have to say I much prefer childfree, I've only had to take my DCs to a couple of weddings but it's far easier and more enjoyable going without them.

A lot of couples get married before they have children themselves. So they're not especially enamoured with the idea of babies or small children making noise during the ceremony or playing up during the speeches. The children (especially the page boys and flower girls) might look cute for the photos, but wedding days aren't suitable for children. It's a long day (which might involve travelling to the wedding venue), there's long periods of waiting around while the photos are taken and then it runs late into the night. Oh and adults tend to get very drunk and rowdy which isn't nice for children to witness.

Also, because a lot of couples get married before they have children, they are likely to have less awareness of the difficulties of getting a babysitter or childminder, for a child free wedding. One thing I never considered was breastfeeding. It didn't occur to me that a breastfeeding mother might not be able to leave their baby in order to attend my wedding. That's because I was raised in a family where we were all bottle fed, so I didn't have much awareness of breastfeeding. Looking back, I don't think it stopped any family member or friend attending my wedding. But it could have posed an obstacle.

Therefore it would be odd if children weren't invited, little children on the dance floor were.oftenbthe highlight of the day

No it’s not strange at all.
And your children dancing at a wedding might be your highlight of the day but it’s certainly not going to be the bride & groom’s!