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Original poster

What are weddings for?

41 replies

Gelatibon · 02/04/2025 12:11

I'm honestly not that old, but when I got married and every wedding I've been to until say, the last decade, it was B&G (sometimes their parents) hosting friends and family while they celebrate joining two families together.

Therefore it would be odd if children weren't invited, little children on the dance floor were.oftenbthe highlight of the day, it would be really strange if the aesthetics.ofnthe day and the photos were more.importnst than the guests enjoying themselves, in day it would have been really odd if anyhhtibg was more important than the guests being comfortable and having fun.

If none of that is important to you, why invite anyone to your special day? Go and have a special day on your own.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 02/04/2025 13:44

I’m 50. As a child I never attended a wedding so the ones my parents went to were likely child free.

as an adult most of the weddings I’ve attended are child free or family children only

this is nothing new.

RedToothBrush · 02/04/2025 13:47

Weddings are for getting married.

They aren't necessarily for families. Or joining families.

Id have never married if I'd have had to do the whole performance for family. I hate being the centre of attention.

We fucked off and did it in front of strangers in order to avoid the politics and stress. It's a promise between us not my parents and his parents.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 02/04/2025 13:48

Married 25 years ago this month!!

We invited children, but only 2 (my nephews) came. All the parents decided to have a weekend away without them! But my (then) 2year old nephew made the day. Not sure I've ever actually been to a child free wedding.

Interested in this thread?

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Weddings
BigDahliaFan · 02/04/2025 13:55

I can't remember what we did to be honest, we had kids from my family there. I think we invited kids and the parents said we'd rather come without them!

My step son when he got married there was a massive ruction because he didn't invite his little cousin who had severe disabilities and was very unlikely to have been able to attend - but there were other kids there which kind of scuppered the excuse they'd given that it was child-free wedding. 7 years later that is still rumbling on.

But yes in general I think it's nice if you can afford it to invite kids. Kids have to learn how to be around adults in those kinds of situations is my view!

crockofshite · 02/04/2025 13:57

A wedding party is like any other party hosted by people who invite guests that they want to attend.
It's not up to guests to decide how hosts plan their party.
If the arrangement doesn't suit the guests, decline the invitation.
Family politics is a whole other thread, IE whether to invite step children, kids in general, short term partners, plus ones etc

Snippit · 02/04/2025 13:59

Gelatibon · 02/04/2025 12:11

I'm honestly not that old, but when I got married and every wedding I've been to until say, the last decade, it was B&G (sometimes their parents) hosting friends and family while they celebrate joining two families together.

Therefore it would be odd if children weren't invited, little children on the dance floor were.oftenbthe highlight of the day, it would be really strange if the aesthetics.ofnthe day and the photos were more.importnst than the guests enjoying themselves, in day it would have been really odd if anyhhtibg was more important than the guests being comfortable and having fun.

If none of that is important to you, why invite anyone to your special day? Go and have a special day on your own.

I did the very thing you’re suggesting. We buggered off to Vegas, including our daughter, had a hoot. Friends arranged a small intimate surprise meal upon returning. As the old saying goes” you can choose your friends”, unfortunately this didn’t include our families, no way was I wasting our hard earned money on them.

lap90 · 02/04/2025 14:20

Kids on the dancefloor are not a highlight of most weddings unfortunately.

The last wedding i went to, the few family kids who attended were overwhelmed and miserable.

Cattenberg · 02/04/2025 14:20

I feel the same way OP. I think that many modern weddings are a triumph of style over substance, with a price tag to match. Needless to say, the guests are often expected to invest a lot of money and time for the honour of being extras in the B&G show.

Sofiewoo · 02/04/2025 14:34

Cattenberg · 02/04/2025 14:20

I feel the same way OP. I think that many modern weddings are a triumph of style over substance, with a price tag to match. Needless to say, the guests are often expected to invest a lot of money and time for the honour of being extras in the B&G show.

No one wants your kids there, just get over it instead of being judgemental about people who don’t want to spend time with kids they don’t know or like.

RedToothBrush · 02/04/2025 14:40

Cattenberg · 02/04/2025 14:20

I feel the same way OP. I think that many modern weddings are a triumph of style over substance, with a price tag to match. Needless to say, the guests are often expected to invest a lot of money and time for the honour of being extras in the B&G show.

We didn't invite guests. One of the reasons was we didn't want anyone feeling obliged to attend and spend more money than they wanted. The other was we wanted to do something without feeling like we had to please everyone else and perform.

DH mum spent years going on about a party in the UK. And how she didn't feel like we were married because she wasn't there. I don't care. It wasn't about her showing off to people.

I didn't invite my own parents. I just didn't want a fuss or to worry about the dress being 'perfect'. It didn't matter cos it was just DH and I. Had the in laws been there it wouldn't have been about us, it'd have been about every one else and it'd have been nothing but stress. I would have bottled it and ended the relationship.

WaterMonkey · 02/04/2025 14:43

Cattenberg · 02/04/2025 14:20

I feel the same way OP. I think that many modern weddings are a triumph of style over substance, with a price tag to match. Needless to say, the guests are often expected to invest a lot of money and time for the honour of being extras in the B&G show.

It IS the B&G show though, isn’t it? If you don’t want to be an ‘extra’ in it, decline. If you don’t want to shell out for an outfit/gift/whatever, just . . . don’t. Don’t want to go to a childfree deal? Say no to the invite. I figure if you are close enough to or care enough about the couple you’ll meet them where they’re at rather than feeling aggrieved that the day isn’t being done the way you’d do it. Probably better for everyone if you do decline in those circumstances rather than cultivate resentment. FWIW I think the whole wedding industry is wildly out of control these days anyway. We’re getting married soon and we’re keeping it small, cheap and yes, childfree (for our own reasons). We’re not going ‘style over substance’ in respect of any of it - mainly because we can’t be arsed with the hassle, really.

slowthisbirddown · 02/04/2025 15:50

lap90 · 02/04/2025 14:20

Kids on the dancefloor are not a highlight of most weddings unfortunately.

The last wedding i went to, the few family kids who attended were overwhelmed and miserable.

I do think weddings can be really boring for kids, unless there are a few of them getting on well and they can have fun together.

slowthisbirddown · 02/04/2025 15:53

Cattenberg · 02/04/2025 14:20

I feel the same way OP. I think that many modern weddings are a triumph of style over substance, with a price tag to match. Needless to say, the guests are often expected to invest a lot of money and time for the honour of being extras in the B&G show.

Well, imo it should be the B&G show in so far as it's their day, but I do agree these days it's resulting in weddings being increasingly time-consuming and expensive for guests and it can be a lot to ask of them. Especially when there's a 'destination' and/or a grab-fest shower involved.

Timeforaglassofwine · 02/04/2025 15:57

I love a child free wedding. (I have two DC, btw). I don't mind children as such, if they are well behaved, or better still entertainingly naughty. I can't stand it though, when a proper conversation can't be had because the child hasn't been taught not interrupt, or the focus of a group has to be the child, as their parents, or more often grandparents, think all the rest of the world are as fascinated by them as they are, and are happy to revole their evening around the whims of their offspring.

Bluevelvetsofa · 02/04/2025 16:09

My DD and SiL had loads of children at theirs. The ceremony was outdoors though, they provided loads of large games and toys and a sweet trolley. They could run around the grounds quite safely. The meal was indoors, but there were things to occupy than inside too.

Ages ranged from twins who were six weeks old, up to teenagers.

FlatStanley50 · 02/04/2025 16:19

We had a mainly child free wedding. Nieces and nephews were invited. This was >10 years ago.

  1. If we'd invited everyone's children there would have been more children than adults and we did not want a children's party
  2. We had a small wedding and if we'd invited children we would have had to not invite close friends and we wanted to celebrate with those important to us
  3. We wanted to be able to talk to and have fun with our friends, and when children are there that inhibits that as they tend to interrupt/ need to be centre of attention/ need looking after.
We got married later than most of our friends so they had a lot of small children between them at the point we got married. Two of my husband's friends decided not to come as they didn't want to leave their children. That was fine. We are still friends.
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